Q: If your dog was barking on the front door and your wife knocking on the back door, who should you let in first?

A: The dog, because at least it would shut up once it got in.

I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

She said "It's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!" .

Thinking back, I really should have run but you don't get offers like that every day.

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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, its just a s...

Our dog suddenly ran to the front door and barked. "Who is that?", my son asked.

"It was the dog", I responded.

The police came to my front door tonight holding a picture of my wife.

They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, "Yes."

They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

If you are having trouble unlocking your front door, take out your wallet and arrange all the bills in mathematical order.

Because organizing your finances is key.

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A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

He goes inside, and asks the bartender what he needs to do to receive free beer for life. The bartender reaches under the bar and pulls out a bottle of vodka, " First, drink this whole bottle in one go, no cry...

My wife always meets me at the front door after work in her underwear.

She's the one coming home from work.

I walked through the front door after work and our parrot said "Don't tell my husband", which I thought was rather peculiar.

So I walked upstairs to my wife, whose lipstick was smudged, her skirt a mess, and face covered in sweat.

"Everything ok?" she asked, flustered.

"Honey," I said, "I've got a question to ask you..."

"Yes! Sure!" she panicked, straightening her clothes, "What is it?"

I said...

I woke up one night to someone knocking on my front door.

I felt uneasy, but I went and answered it anyway. When I opened the door, I looked around, and then spotted a shellfish on my welcome mat.

"Let me in", it cried, "I'm being chased by a bunch of wasps."

That was when I realized why I felt so uneasy.

This was the clam before the s...

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Bloke is in bed with his wife having sexy time when there's a knock at the front door...

It's 2am and bloke isn't impressed but the knock is persistent so he goes downstairs. Opening the front door he sees it's blowing a gale and raining sideways and there's a man standing there, bedraggled and soaked.

"Excuse me can I have a push?" the man gasps.

"Fuck off!" says bloke, s...

A man hears tapping at his front door.

He goes to answer the door, opens it, looks out, and sees nothing. Annoyed, he closes the door and goes to sit on his couch. Right before he sits down, he hears tapping at the front door again.

Again, he opens the door and sees nothing. Again, he heads back to his couch and right before sit...

A guy is relaxing at home when he hears a loud banging on his front door. He opens the door to discover his next-door neighbor standing there looking outraged. "

What's the matter Bill?" he asks the neighbor. "I found your son's name written with pee in the snow between our houses!" he responds. "What's the big deal? He's a kid. Kids do that stuff". I'll tell you the big deal! It was in my daughter's handwriting!"

A man walks in his front door, and is confronted by his wife, friends, parents. Everyone he loves is in this room. His wife comes up and hugs him...

“Honey. We all love you, but we need to talk to you.” She says gently.

“About what?” He asks, still in a bit of shock.

“You’re addicted to gambling.” She lets a single tear trickle down her cheek, forcing a weak smile.

He pauses for a long moment...

“FIVE BUCKS SAYS I’M ...

A Police Officer Knocks on a Woman's Front Door

A police officers knock on a woman's front door.

Woman: "Hello officer!"

Officer: "Hi mam, I come bearing grim news I'm afraid"

Woman: "and what's that now?!"

Officer: "Well I regret to inform you that your husband and young son's bodies were found. Luckily they both were...

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

Why did the general contractor insist on hiring a drag queen to install the house’s front door?

Because a drag queen always knows how to make an entrance.

My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.

He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, “Yes, I am.” The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, “I’m sorry...

How did Marilyn Manson know there was someone at his front door?

The beautiful peephole, the beautiful peephole.

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While having sex with my wife, the next door neighbour knocked on our front door.

You couldn't believe my surprise when I opened it.

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

Two women approach the front door to a dads-only bar

The younger of the two asks "Mom, what the hell are we even doing?"

Mom responds "I know, it's dumb, but thanks for agreeing to come with me. My dad was very specific in his will about how his ashes would be spread. This place is number 1 on the list. He'd been coming here for the longest tim...

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I came out my front door this morning to see my neighbour frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray painted on his front window.

"What's been going on John?"' I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

Dirty bastard.

A man walks in through the front door after work

and his wife immediately starts smacking him, left and right across the face, cursing.

"Woah woah woah...what gives?!?" the man says.

The smacking intensifies briefly, and then she let's up.

"I picked up your coat from the dry cleaners earlier today, and found THIS in the pocke...

Just had two Police at my front door.

They asked me the questions - ‘Are you familiar with the letters HB'?
I said - ‘No I’m not'
'How about LS'?
'No'
'What about JD'?
I said - ‘Hang on a minute - am I a suspect or something'?
They said - ‘No these are just initial enquiries'.

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little frisky. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her: “Honey, would you take me upstairs?”

Horrified, she replies: “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

“Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?” he asks, grinning at her.

“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

“Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”


“No way. It’s just too ri...

I always knock on the front door of my fridge ...

Just in case there is a salad dressing .

This was horrible lol

A tired mom opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood

Who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what you can."
The beleaguered woman said, "I'll give you two boys, two girls, or one of each."

Why should you always keep a loaded firearm in the small room by your front door?

Foyer protection.

How can you tell if a soprano is at your front door?

She can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.

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My neighbour knocked on my front door.

"Would you mind looking after the kids today?" she asked.

"Maybe," I replied. "How come?"

"Because one of yours is taking a shit on our front lawn!" she yelled.

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One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my front door step, drinking a beer and watching my girlfriend mow the lawn.

The lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!" I smiled and calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass".

There was a tornado, so I tossed a 'Wet Floor' sign out the front door.

Talk about throwing caution to the wind!

How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your front door?

The knocking is out of time and they don't know when to come in.

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First thing this morning there's a tap on my front door.

My plumber thinks he's so fucking funny.

So a man watches TV heen suddenly the bell rings... The man opens the door and sees a random snail sitting naar the front door.

He throws the snail away and goes on watching TV.

Three years later the door bell rings again and the man opens the door. He sees the snail Again and the snail says: "Dude was that necessary?".

A few minutes before the church service started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appears at the front doors of the church. Everyone starts screaming and running towards the exit, trampling over each-other in a frantic effort to try and escape evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman sitting calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious of the fact that God's mortal enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walks up to the man and asks, "do you know who I am?"

The man replies, "yep, sure do."

"Aren...

There is a teenage kitchen basin at your front door selling water from the fountain of youth

Let that sink in

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There's an old farmer with 3 beautiful daughters. He is very protective of them and meets every potential suitor at the front door, with a loaded shotgun in his hands.

Sure enough, come Saturday evening there's a knock at the door. The farmer jumps up, throws open the door and points his shotgun at the young man.

The fellow is a little startled, but manages to say "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. I'm here to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"...

All three of a farmers daughters are going on a date tonight. With him being overprotective he decides to meet each boy at the front door with a shotgun.

The first boy says: “Hi my name is eddy and I’m here to eat spaghetti with Betty” The farmer sends them on their way.

The second boy says: “Hi my name is is Tam and I’m here to pan gold with Pam.” The farmer sends them on their way.

The third boy says “Hi my name is chuck and I’m ...

Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side...

I mean, imagine all the peepholes.

How do you get an Art Major off your front door step?

Pay for the PIZZA!

Mrs O’ Sullivan hears the doorbell and opens the front door of her house

Standing in the rain, is her husbands best friend, Paddy.

"Hello Paddy, but where is Seamus? I thought he went with you to the brewery"

Paddy shook his head. "Ah Aileen, there was a terrible accident at the brewery, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned"

Mrs O’ Su...

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Two boys knock on a farmer's front door ...

One of the boys says, "Sir, we noticed you have a big field full of honeysuckle and we wondered if we could go get some honey."

The farmer replied, "Well, boys, you're welcome to try but you know you can't get honey from honey suckle, right?"

"Just give us a shot!" they suggested. They...

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I woke up this morning to my neighbors banging on my front door.

I was like "Why can't you two fuck in your house like normal people???"

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A man hears a knock on his front door. When he opens it, a boy stands in front of him who says “Hello sir, my name is Tobias...

...and I’m here to fuck your daughter.”

“TO WHAT?”

“TO-BI-AS.”

Every morning, I wake up and find that someone has left a lot of Play-Doh on my front door.

I don’t know what to make of it.

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A man is making passionate love to his wife when his neighbor busts open the front door.

Immediately embarrassed, he yells, “Jesus! Can’t you knock?”

His neighbor shouts back: “I’ll knock when you two get the fuck off my lawn!”

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It's the Spring of 1957 and Paddy goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.

"Ciara's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool," says Paddy.
Ciara's father asks Paddy what they're planning to do. Paddy replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Ciara's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw?...

If I ran a night club I'd hire a rabbit to guard the front door.

I heard they're good bouncers.

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.

I sprinkled some more over the bed.

I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.

I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly...

Last night I woke up to someone pounding on my front door.

I went downstairs to see what the hell was going on and there was a hooker beating on my door!

You: OMG, what did you do?

Me: I let her out

Lady of the house: "I want you to stand at the front door and call the guests' names as they arrive."

Butler: "Very well, madam. I've been wanting to do that for years!"

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A man burst through the front door of his house angry af.

He shouted at his wife "I've just come from the pub. The mailman was there bragging that he'd had sex with every woman on our street except for one. What do you have to say to that?"

She replied "I bet it's Karen from number 37. I always thought she was a frigid bitch"

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A guy throws open his front door and yells to his wife, “Honey, pack your bags, I just won the lottery!”

His wife emerges from the kitchen and screams, “Oh my god, that’s incredible! Should I pack for the beach or should I pack for the mountains?”

Husband replies, “I don’t care. Just get the fuck out!”

Watson found Holmes busily painting the front door bright yellow.

"What on earth is that, Holmes?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

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A bum comes up to the front door of a very expensive house and taps gently on the door

When the rich owner answers, the bum asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."

The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go aro...

A cop just knocked on my front door.

He told me my dog was chasing someone on a bike.

Told the cop it wasn't my dog, he doesnt even own a bike.

A man arrives at the front door of a brothel, a woman answers and notices the man has no arms or legs. The woman says "what are we supposed to do with you?"

The man replies "I rang the doorbell didn't I?!"

A man run homes excitedly, burst open the front door and yells to his wife "Honey! I won the lottery, pack your bags!" The wife excitedly jumps up hand grabs her suitcase and begins throwing clothes in it. She says "Ohmygod, that's amazing! Where should I pack for?"

The man replies " I don't care! Just get out!"

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My wife packed her bags and headed for the front door with our son.

She said, "We're going. Because I'm sick of you objectifying me all the time!"

I said, "I'll miss you two."

She yelled, "I'm sure you'll miss him more than me!"

I said, "Him? I was referring to your tits."

Yesterday the lady next door received a buzz from the front door. When she opened the door there was a man there. With a saddened look the man says "Lady, I'm terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat." Without hesitation the man tells the lady that he would like to replace the cat.

The lady looks up at the man and replies "Thats all right with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

As we stood outside her front door, she kissed me and whispered, "Do you want to stay here tonight?"

"No," I replied, and went home.

Why would I want to stand outside her front door all night?

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My girlfriend came through the front door and moaned, "I had to walk home in the rain and now I'm really wet!"

I replied, "You get turned on by the weirdest shit…"

I left my front door open and my Roomba got out, and now I can't find it. What are the consequences of this? It has no natural predators...

Nature abhors a vacuum

What do you call Benedict Cumberbatch closing his front door.?

SherLock Homes

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A traveling salesman walks up to the front door of a house...

...When he rings the doorbell, the door is answered by an eight year old boy carrying a beer in one hand, a Hustler magazine in the other and a huge cigar in his mouth.

The salesman, a bit surprised, says, "Hello, little boy, are your parents home?"

The boy takes a puff of the cig...

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door?

Matt.

I was replacing a light fixture outside our front door when suddenly the electricity shorted through my screwdriver and made me drop it. My wife opened the door and said, "I turned on the light so you can see better while you're working."

I was too shocked to reply.

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A man comes in the front door and says to his wife...

Man: You know darling, today I had to show my grey chest hair to get my pension!
wife: Aw that's a pity love, you should have shown them your penis - you would've gotten disability allowance!

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way, buddy, you're too drunk."

A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom.

Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time, ...

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A man hears a knock at his front door

he rises from his seat on the couch to answer it. When he opens the door, though, there on his porch, sits a snail dressed in salesperson-getup.

"Good day, sir," says the snail, "would you mind if I showed you my merchandise?"

"Fuck off," replies the man as he slams the door.

As...

I've just written a song about replacing my front door lock

It's got a great key change at the end

The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door.

“Lady,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner.”

The lady exclaimed, “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”

The man replied, “I know, but our neighbors did.”

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An insurance salesman knocks on the front door

A young boy answers the door, wearing a bath robe. He has a glass of scotch in one hand and a cigar in the other. The salesman asks "Hi there, are your parents home?". The boy replies "what the fuck do you think".

What do you do if an elephant comes through your front door?

Swim towards a window

That cute Mailgirl looked really surprised when I stood naked at the front door

She was probably wondering how I got her adress

A vacuum salesman knocks on the front door of a home...

and an elderly lady answers the door. The salesman explains who he is, who he works for, and proclaims that if she will show him her vacuum cleaner and how good it works then he will show her a vacuum that costs less and works better. She agrees, lets him in, and offers him a seat on the couch. She ...

My grandmother always says, "live life to the fullest each and every day because tomorrow you could walk out your front door and be hit by a bus."

She's a bus driver though, so I'm not really sure what to make of this.

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My wife met me at the front door wearing sexy lingerie

The only trouble was, she was coming home.
- joke stole from the great Rodney Dangerfield

Halloween is Kevin Spacey's favourite holiday. Hordes of teenage kids knocking on his front door.

Hopefully he lets them out.

Last Valentine's day I recieved so many cards from my girlfriends that I couldn't open the front door...

Because my wife had the locks changed

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So a leprechaun appears at this man's front door...

and offers the man three wishes. Now this man was overjoyed as he was only farmer that barely got by. The leprechaun first says, "I will grant ye three wishes, and then in return get me own wish." The farmer accepted without blinking. For his first wish the farmer wishes for all the land in Texas to...

Sherlock's Front Door

Dr. Watson arrived at 221-B Baker Street and was stunned to find his friend Sherlock Holmes out front in work clothes, painting the front door a pale yellow gloss.

"Holmes what are you doing?" asked the confused Watson.

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

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One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over...

A man at the bar realizes it's getting late and pays his tab to go home

As he tries to get off the stool, he immediately falls flat on his face. "Uh oh, I must have drunk more than I thought," he thinks.

He manages to drag himself over to the front door and pull himself upright, but as soon as he takes a step outside, he falls on his face again.
"Hoo boy, I r...

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I picked up a girl at the bar the other day.

She took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.

I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open. "Oh shit, it's my boyfriend ! " she exclaimed "Quick, use the backdoor" .

Now it's at about this time I pro...

When I was growing up, we were so poor...

We used to leave the front door open all night, hoping a thief would come in and drop something.

Husband arguing with wife

This husband was complaining to a buddy that him and his wife were arguing and he hadn’t been home in a few days. His buddy told him what he does when he argued with his wife was to sneak into the house, lift the bottom of the sheets to the bed, and slide up until he was in between his wife’s legs a...

Written on My Forehead

John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now".
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don't think so".
Fine, then t...

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that,

Most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says,...

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The ma...

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Big Hickey

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse. After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours. Afterward the fel...

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My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we...

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As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arriv...

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30 Times Left

A man is having problems with his penis, which had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your penis is simply burned out. You only have 30 erections left."

The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is...

A joke my dad has been telling for 45 years

My dad played high school baseball, and the second baseman, John, eventually grew up to be a very successful accountant and married his high school sweetheart. Over the next 25 years, John also collected rare and antique baseball cards, eventually accumulating the world's most expensive collection…<...

A furniture salesman from Ontario was on a business trip in Quebec, selling furniture to various stores.

After a long day of selling furniture in Montreal, the guy was almost back in his hotel when he ran into a gorgeous woman who seemed to be interested in him. But he spoke no French, and she spoke no English. So he came up with a plan.

The guy pulled out a notepad and drew a picture of a taxi....

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A man is watching the news one day

There is a commercial advertising a weight loss company. It says that you can lose anywhere from 5 pounds to 50 pounds in increments of five and it only cost $10. They said they have a 100% satisfaction guarantee and if you aren’t satisfied you can have a refund.

The man believes that this is...

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One spooky night on Halloween...

Chris, an urban adventurer. was looking to have some fun.

He decided that since it was Halloween, it would be the perfect time to explore a spooky house. He asked the locals if they knew of any, and they informed him of this abandoned mansion not to far from where he lived. He was warned cou...

Woman Decides To Test Her Husband's Love. Then This Happened... LOL!

Not too long ago, there was a woman who felt that her husband was being distant and unloving.

She wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.

She decided to write him a letter saying she was tired of him and didn't want to live with h...

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A man and his wife are lying in bed when they hear a knock at the door.

The man hears that the wind is blowing a gale and the rain is is getting heavier and decides it was just the wind and goes back to sleep.

A few minutes later they hear it again so his wife says "Honey, go check it out. It might be bad news"
The man reluctantly agrees and goes to the front ...

I was getting home very late after drinking with friends...

I was getting home very late after drinking with friends.

When I was close to home I turned off my headlights, put the car in neutral and coasted up to the house. I closed the car door very quietly, took off my shoes and closed the front door very quietly. Carrying my shoes I tip toed up th...

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Here's a Halloween joke!

Three guys run into a museum to hide from the hoard of zombies coming down the road. While looking for something to eat and drink one of the survives finds a golden lamp and out pops a genie roaring out.

“You can have three wishes. So what is the first wish?” One man says ” I want to go back...

A man rides a pony into a bar

A man charges through the front door of his local saloon, perched on the back of a pony. He rushes to the bar and says “Bartender, I need a hot tea, as quick as you can!”

The bartender, taken aback, says “Sir! You can’t ride that thing in here! And why do you so desperately need a hot tea?!”<...

Moth Inspector

A man and a woman are getting it on in bed when they hear the front door open. The woman says, "It's my husband! You'd better hide."
She throws his clothes under the bed and he hides behind the curtains. Her husband comes in, sees her all hot and sweaty, and the sheets all messed up. He looks ...

Before going to a party, my dad gave me some advice.

"Son," he said, "I want you to stop drinking at midnight. OK?"

"OK." I sighed, closing the front door.

I came back home at 3:15am, opened the front door, and he was waiting for me on the sofa.

"Alright there, daddy!" I shouted.

"*Daddy*?" he frowned. "You're drunk as a sk...

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

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Pianist

A man walks into a bar. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man, maybe a foot tall and a little piano. He puts them both on the bar, and the little guy starts playing Mozart as the man orders his drink.

The bartender says "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you fin...

A boy was failing math

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after schoo...

An owner of a painting company needs to hire a painter for a job he is doing

So he goes down to unemployment to hire a painter. They tell him they don't have any - the only person they have at the moment is a gynecologist. He says that won't do, he needs a painter. They tell him they are sorry. He really needs an extra set of hands so he decides to take the gynecologist.
...

A man is in bed with his wife when there’s a knock at the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the doo...

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