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A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

A woman was working at a lingerie counter when a customer approached with a pair of frilly panties.

"I'd like to buy these," she said, "but only if you can embroider 'If you can read this, you're too close' on the back."
So the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in the backroom and described the rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "I can do that. Does she want block letters or ...

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A man walks into a bar

And sees a huge sign behind the bar that says, "free drinks if you can complete the bar challenge". The man orders a beer and asks the bartender about the bar challenge. The bartender tells him that its a rigorous 3 step challenge that if you complete it you get all your drinks that night for free. ...

A wife finds a bathtub on her kitchen table.

A wife comes home and finds her husband sitting next to a new bathtub on the kitchen table. Shocked, she asks him where it came from.

“Well,” he says. “I went out today to pick up some tiles for our bathroom. So, I walked around the store, looking for the perfect color, when I saw the perfec...

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Voodoo dildo

A man walks into a sex shop and tells the shopkeeper that he'll be going on a trip soon. He tells the shopkeeper that his wife is very sexually active, and to keep her happy he wants to get her something to keep herself busy. The shopkeeper goes to the backroom and brings the man a box. The shopkeep...

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A man had spent all day drinking in a bar

By 10 at night he was incredibly drunk but still wanted more. However, he had run out of money.

"I've got to have another drink," he told the bartender. "Can't you give me one on credit?"

"You know the rules," replied the bartender. "No credit. But I'll tell you what I'll do. It's a ...

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A guy walks into a pharmancy to buy condoms...

The pharmacist is like "Size?". "Dunno.".

He hands him a board with lots of holes.

"Take this board and try it out in the backroom. "

Half an hour later...

"So which size is it?"

"Fuck the condoms, how much for the board?".

I will for the teapot

Mick was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Mary to the hardware

store.

At the hardware store Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe to

finish serving a customer.

When Joe was finished, Mary asked, “How much...

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An English man, Irishman and a Scottish man are sitting in a pub full of people.

The Englishman says, "The pubs in England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free".

Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer.

The Scottish man says, "Yeah. That's quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free."

Again,...

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Dave walks into a bar,

goes straight for a stool, sits down, and asks for a beer. The bartender serves Dave, and the man gulps it down in seconds.
"Another," says Dave.
The bartender serves him another, and again, Dave gulps it down in seconds.
"Another," says Dave again.
The bartender serves him, but ...

A French-guy walks into a bar with a dog

and orders 2 martinis from the cute barmaid. They each drink their drinks and the barmaid asks "hey Mr. does your dog know any other tricks?".The man replies "Well,as a matter of fact, he can satisfy a woman's every need.".Intrigued the barmaid invites them into a backroom and says "this I would lik...

A guy walks into a bar that has a magic genie...

A guy walks into a bar because he knows that the bartender is the owner of a magic genie. So as soon as he walks into this new mysterious bar he sees as a tiny leprechaun playing the piano. At first he thinks it is weird but eventually he forgets about it. So the man walks up to the bartender and sa...

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