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Flashlights Jokes

Why are German flashlights always dead?

They use Nein Volt Batteries.

What do you call a deer with flashlights for eyes?

A bright eye deer.

Studies show people who carry tactical knives with flashlights are less confident guessers.

They never take a stab in the dark.

Flashlight and Batteries

One day a little girl was skinny dipping in a pond by her house, she heard a sound a little distance away and parted the reeds so she could see. She saw a naked boy, skinny dipping on the other side.

The little girl went home to her mom and asked "Mommy what's that down there?"
"That's yo...

A brunette, redhead and blonde leave the bar

On there walk home they see a farm and decide to break into the barn to pet the animals. The farmer noticed someone broke into his barn and he called the cops, when the girls heard the cops coming they decided to hide.

The cops come up to a cow and shine there flashlights on it, from behind ...

Two men break out of a mental institution.

Two men steal flashlights and break out of a mental institution. They find themselves on the roof of the building with orderlies closing in. The men look and see there is an adjacent roof they might be able to jump onto. The first man runs and leaps over the gap, landing on the roof of the next buil...

I met an squirrel at the bus stop

He was standing there with 2 flashlights.
I asked him why he had them with him.
"To scare away the wolfs", he said.
"But, we are in the middle of the city, there are no wolfs here..."

"Told you it works!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The...

Those DANG mosquitoes!!!

After several unpleasant experiences, one night, in total darkness, Gramps opened the cabin door and said, "you see, children?" "Pesky mosquitoes are attracted to light! Now, we're safe."
BUT soon as they entered the cabin and the door was shut, Jason noticed a handful of tiny blinking lights (...

Camping with grandpa

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlight...

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