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First Born Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a tragic birth defect that affected a young couples' first born child.

The doctor looked at the new parents and said. "Your baby is healthy, but he was born without eyelids. The parents were shocked and the new mother started to weep.

"Is there anything that can be done to fix this?" She asked, choking on her tears.

The doctor thought a moment when an ...

I'm gonna name my first born son "Phones"

So when the stewardess asks if he "would like some headphones" he can answer "Absolutely!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple is expecting their first born child...

It's a beautiful spring day and the mother is sleeping after a long delivery. The doctor walks in holding the baby and announces that it's a baby boy.

The father asks, "Can I hold him?" and the doctor replies "Of course, but I have to run a few tests first, its routine you understand".
<...

After a long discussion about our future, my partner and I decided to name our first born ‘No Pun’.

That way they’ll certainly be aware that they weren’t intended.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 3rd and 5th child have innie belly buttons. My first born has an outie.

I guess he’s the odd one out.

What do you call Figrin D'an's first born boy?

Son of a Bith!

Angry God

A woman just had a baby but as glad as his husband was, he was bit confused too that what should he named his first born child. He prayed for god and god appeared infront of him. The man asked the god to help him name his son. The god was angry that he called him for this small work and cursed him t...

I love quadratic equations so much I would give up my first born child for it

and that’s not a hyperbola

circumcision?

I over head these two guys in a bar one night, in their 30's, discussing the subject of Circumcision.

One guy was dead set on getting it done , since his parents didn't have that done for him.

I couldn't help but to get in that convo.

I said,

"I would recommend against...

A girl asks her father “daddy, how did I get my name?”

He explains “you see sweetie, when your mother got pregnant with your older brother, we decided that your mother would name the first born after whatever she loved the most, and I would name our second born after whatever I loved the most. So that’s why your big brother is named Steven jr. and you a...

A nanny bathes twins

A nanny bathes a set of twins. The twins were marked with numbers, the first born marked with a 1 and the second born marked with a 2. The nanny bathes both the twins and the parents come in and say
“ Where are the numbers?! We can’t tell them apart any more”
The nanny says “ I can tell them...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man sits down for dinner with his kids...

he turns to his first born son and asks him to pass the salt. His first born says "Dad, I need to tell you something. I'm gay."

The Father's face turns red and his eye starts twitching. He takes a deep breath, exhales and says "Ok son, I respect your life choice."

He then turns to his ...

A husband's wife is going into labour, so he decides to call 911...

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Responder: My wife's going into labour, I don't know what to do.

Operator: Is this her first born?

Responder: No this is her husband.

A bard wants to be more powerful and so he strikes a deal with a witch

The witch says she will only grant his wish if he gives her his first born son

The bard laughs and says “sure! Good luck finding him”

An 8 year old (Billy) and a 9 year old (Tommy) are sitting in a waiting room with their moms at a hospital

Billy asks Tommy why he’s there.

Tommy says, “To get my tonsils removed.”

Billy says, “Oh don’t worry, it’s not so bad. You get to stay home from school and eat all the ice cream you want.”

Tommy then asks Billy, “Why are you here?”

Billy says, “For a circumcision.”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 girls and their dad are playing in the yard...

Three little girls are playing outside in the yard with their dad, when the first little girl looks up and says, "Daddy, why did you and mommy name me buttercup?"
"Well sweetheart, when you were first born, that was the first thing to land on your head."
"Okay daddy, but what about Bubbles?"...

911

Worker > 911,What's your emergency?

Man > My wife is going to give birth!

Worker > Is this her first born?

Man > No,it's her husband

*Ba Dum Tss*

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