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Finish Line Jokes

And the ferrari speeds past the finish line...

In the worst case of cheating the London marathon has ever seen!

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap aroun...

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama...

I just barely crossed the finish line in a Law and Order 5k race.

I would have got first, but the cops beat me to it.

I was running a marathon. I was in first place and could see the finish line. I tripped and fell and now all I see is...

De feet

Finland have just closed their borders....

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The naked runner

A couple of lovers were in the midst of action in bed when suddenly they heard a noise at the door. The woman panicked and said to her lover, 'My husband, my husband is here! Jump out of the window!'

Without thinking twice, the lover jumped naked out of the window and landed in some bushes. H...

What do you call a man...

...Who edges you all day and then stops just before the finish line?

>!Yevgeny Prigozhin!<

It is January 2017, and Barack Obama is giving Donald Trump a tour of the White House...

... when they come across an outdoor running track in the courtyard.


Trump asks "Why is this here?" To which Obama explains that since Lincoln, the United States has been secretly tracking how fast Presidents can run one mile - averaging about 10 minutes. Trump thinks for a second and t...

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So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?

"I'm a wiener!"

A man wins a horse race

A man won a horse race after the other horse dropped dead before reaching the finish line.

However, the winner had a hard time enjoying his victory, because it’s no fun beating a dead horse!

The 50 states and DC each send their fastest runner to compete in a marathon...

The route they are running takes them around Washington DC, and the finish line is the front door of the White House.

At the sound of the starting pistol, all fifty-one runners take off. It's an exciting race.

Meanwhile, at the White House, the President waits in the Oval Office for t...

Al, Ben, and Carl were going on a trip to a ski resort. But there was only one room left at the resort, and it had only one bed.

Reluctantly, the three agreed to share the bed. Al slept on the left side of the bed, Ben slept on the right side, and Carl slept in the middle.

The next morning at breakfast, Al said, "You know, last night I had the loveliest dream. A gorgeous female ski instructor was giving me the best han...

My pet snail...

... was horrible at racing. It was just a bit too slow and kept getting edged out by the other snails at the finish line.

So, I removed its shell to reduce weight and hopefully make it a bit faster...

but the damn thing just got even more sluggish.

Dark Joke are fun:

What has eight legs, four heads, and six arms?

The finish line at the Boston marathon.

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Pravda, the Soviet state newspaper, was running a feature on former Soviet Olympians.

Their reporter began by interviewing three retired Soviet swimmers.
First, he asks the Russian swimmer "Which was your favorite stroke in the 400m freestyle?"
The Russian replies "The front crawl. Is fast, powerful, and gets me to the finish line."
Next, the reporter turns to the Byel...

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So, theres a manliest of the men competition where hundreds of men compete to find out who is the strongest.

The competition consists of three stages first being a pit that leads into a sea where hungry sharks are everywhere. After that there is a mossy swamp filled with alligators. Finally a jungle where tons upon tons of lions are. After a day goes by and no one is able to complete this competition the a...

Two Racehorses Were Discussing Why They Never Win

Racehorse 1: "I don't get it. We eat the best food, have the best training, the best racehorse genes, are so so fast, and yet we never win."

Racehorse 2: "It's heart-breaking, I simply don't understand."

A dog overheard them and said: "If I may interject, I have watched you two closely...

Did you see the bobsled results?

A young Canadian boy is excitedly watching the last run of the team bobsled runs. Germany is in the lead and the Canadian team is right on their tail.

The final Canadian bobsledder shreds down the course, closely matching the German times. As he approaches the finish line, the times get clos...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke.

After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.

About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line ...

The year is 2024

The year is 2024 and it’s time to decide a new President of the United States. There are three candidates for the American people to choose from: Joe Biden, looking to hold onto the Presidency, Donald Trump, looking to regain it, and Obama in a sombrero and fake moustache calling himself “Juanbama”....

A broccoli, a tomato, and a yam were running in a race.

The broccoli got off to a great start, but being a green runner, he didn’t have enough stamina to finish the race. The yam and the tomato were neck and neck for the first mile, but the tomato fell behind. The yam was about to reach the end of the race when he collapsed from exhaustion right in front...

What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

“Finish line or BUST!”

My daughter said her nose is running.

So I made a finish line by the door.

Joe Biden and Barack Obama are going for a morning jog.

Joe finishes at just under 11 minutes, but Barack is waiting for him at the finish line already.

"what time did you get?" asks Joe.

"I ran pretty well, did under 10 minutes this time", answers Obama. "By the way, what's the standing record amongst the presidents now? Bill at 9 and a h...

The two best racehorses in the country.

There were these two racehorses, Galem and Gollum. They were raised together and had been racing side by side their entire lives. Everyone loved to watch them. They were always faster than the other horses; as a matter of fact, they were the best racehorses in the country.



As good as ...

The owner of a racehorse is angry

The owner of a racehorse is angry because the horse he paid so much money for has yet to win a race.

“Listen to me,” the man says, grabbing the horse by the harness. “You’d better win this race or you’ll be working the farm tomorrow.”

The horses line up in the gates, the starting gun s...

How do you get whole race to hate you?

Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)

An Irishman moved to Germany

Now the town of Hamburg had an annual race around the edge of town, and the transplant decided to enter. However, when he went to sign up he found that there was an entry fee which he was far too miserly to pay. Instead, he slipped through the crowd and lined up with the other entrants.

Ban...

Annual Snail Racing Day

It was annual snail racing day and so, all the snails elected Snail B to judge while Snails J, P and O help set up the course. All the other snails then got into their designated soapbox cars, which were painted with their letter.

Snail B yelled out four beeps, and on the last and higher pitc...

A red head, brunette and a blone compete in a breast stroke race across the ocean...

After 45 minutes the red head finishes in 1st place, another 5 minutes later the brunette finishes the race coming 2nd, and after 4 long hours the blonde finally reaches the finish line. When asked why she took so long the blonde replied "I don't mean to sound like a sore loser or anything but I swe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The results from the 2016 Presidential Election are in...

Turns out no one in the fucking country voted, so President Obama took it upon himself to come up with a way to decide the next President. He told Bernie, Trump and Hillary that they would have an actual race. One lap around the White House and the fastest time would be the next Commander In Chief.<...

The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie

So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the n...

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There once was a man who’s lucky number was 5.

John was born on the 5th of May in 1955, at precisely 5:55 am, when his parents were both 55 years old. He lived on the fifth floor of an apartment, 5 hours away from his school.

As he grew up, the number five cropped up in his life in weird and wonderful ways. He was five minutes late to eve...

A father was telling his son a bedtime story

“Once upon a time , there was a tortoise and a hare. The hare was boastful and bragged that he was the fastest of all the creatures. The tortoise then decided to challenge the hare to a race. So the two set a course, and the race began. The hare ran as fast as he could.....”

“Sorry Dad, but I...

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The local hot shot had never lost a drag race.

He had a souped up little dragster he pieced together himself. It was an old Honda, sure, but this guy had tuned it to perfection. Not only that, he'd squeezed every ounce of horsepower out of it possible: straight pipes, turbo, the works.

There's a straightaway on a back road where all the l...

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Two guys are watching the Kentucky Derby.

One of the guys, Jeff, is there, bragging about how he has a really fast dog that can almost beat the horses. He bets everyone there 300$ that their pets can’t beat his dog in a race. The other guy, Steve, is wearing a trench coat. Steve walks up to Jeff and takes him up on the bet.

After the...

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Three horses walk into a bar..

One horse trots up to the barman, the other two grab a seat at a table. The horse at the bar orders three beers and grabs them with its hooves, then walks on two legs and joins the other seated horses.

First horse says: " Shit guys, last night at my race, it was some crazy shit. I was way ahe...

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