And the ferrari speeds past the finish line...

In the worst case of cheating the London marathon has ever seen!

I was running a marathon. I was in first place and could see the finish line. I tripped and fell and now all I see is...

De feet

I just barely crossed the finish line in a Law and Order 5k race.

I would have got first, but the cops beat me to it.

What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?

"I'm a wiener!"

A man wins a horse race

A man won a horse race after the other horse dropped dead before reaching the finish line.

However, the winner had a hard time enjoying his victory, because it’s no fun beating a dead horse!

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris go out for a morning run together

Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.

"How'd you do?" she asks him.

"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"

"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11."

Finland have just closed their borders....

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

What has three arms, four legs, and two elbows?

The Boston marathon finish line.

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap aroun...

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest

Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes

Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama...

The 50 states and DC each send their fastest runner to compete in a marathon...

The route they are running takes them around Washington DC, and the finish line is the front door of the White House.

At the sound of the starting pistol, all fifty-one runners take off. It's an exciting race.

Meanwhile, at the White House, the President waits in the Oval Office for t...

A broccoli, a tomato, and a yam were running in a race.

The broccoli got off to a great start, but being a green runner, he didn’t have enough stamina to finish the race. The yam and the tomato were neck and neck for the first mile, but the tomato fell behind. The yam was about to reach the end of the race when he collapsed from exhaustion right in front...

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So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

Joe Biden and Barack Obama are going for a morning jog.

Joe finishes at just under 11 minutes, but Barack is waiting for him at the finish line already.

"what time did you get?" asks Joe.

"I ran pretty well, did under 10 minutes this time", answers Obama. "By the way, what's the standing record amongst the presidents now? Bill at 9 and a h...

The two best racehorses in the country.

There were these two racehorses, Galem and Gollum. They were raised together and had been racing side by side their entire lives. Everyone loved to watch them. They were always faster than the other horses; as a matter of fact, they were the best racehorses in the country.



As good as ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three horses walk into a bar..

One horse trots up to the barman, the other two grab a seat at a table. The horse at the bar orders three beers and grabs them with its hooves, then walks on two legs and joins the other seated horses.

First horse says: " Shit guys, last night at my race, it was some crazy shit. I was way ahe...

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(some very basic french is needed to understand) During the international annual ice cat race, they introduced all the cat-racers!

There was a french cat - Un Deux Trois

A spanish cat - Uno Dos Tres

And an american cat - one two three

The cats got behind the starting line on the ice, which was frozen on real water. The whistle was blown and the cats take off! Eventually, the French cat seems to be winning!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are watching the Kentucky Derby.

One of the guys, Jeff, is there, bragging about how he has a really fast dog that can almost beat the horses. He bets everyone there 300$ that their pets can’t beat his dog in a race. The other guy, Steve, is wearing a trench coat. Steve walks up to Jeff and takes him up on the bet.

After the...

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There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke.

After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.

About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line ...

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There once was a man who’s lucky number was 5.

John was born on the 5th of May in 1955, at precisely 5:55 am, when his parents were both 55 years old. He lived on the fifth floor of an apartment, 5 hours away from his school.

As he grew up, the number five cropped up in his life in weird and wonderful ways. He was five minutes late to eve...

A father was telling his son a bedtime story

“Once upon a time , there was a tortoise and a hare. The hare was boastful and bragged that he was the fastest of all the creatures. The tortoise then decided to challenge the hare to a race. So the two set a course, and the race began. The hare ran as fast as he could.....”

“Sorry Dad, but I...

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NSFW Long A mole challenges a rabbit to a race...

Hey rabbit want to bet that I can get to that tree before you on a race, said the mole to the rabbit.

Of course and I will win, said the arrogant rabbit, but what do you want to bet?

I have an idea; said the little mole, the winner gets to fuck the other in the ass...

WTF said t...

An Irishman moved to Germany

Now the town of Hamburg had an annual race around the edge of town, and the transplant decided to enter. However, when he went to sign up he found that there was an entry fee which he was far too miserly to pay. Instead, he slipped through the crowd and lined up with the other entrants.

Ban...

What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

“Finish line or BUST!”

My daughter said her nose is running.

So I made a finish line by the door.

Did you see the bobsled results?

A young Canadian boy is excitedly watching the last run of the team bobsled runs. Germany is in the lead and the Canadian team is right on their tail.

The final Canadian bobsledder shreds down the course, closely matching the German times. As he approaches the finish line, the times get clos...

The owner of a racehorse is angry

The owner of a racehorse is angry because the horse he paid so much money for has yet to win a race.

“Listen to me,” the man says, grabbing the horse by the harness. “You’d better win this race or you’ll be working the farm tomorrow.”

The horses line up in the gates, the starting gun s...

The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie

So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the n...

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The results from the 2016 Presidential Election are in...

Turns out no one in the fucking country voted, so President Obama took it upon himself to come up with a way to decide the next President. He told Bernie, Trump and Hillary that they would have an actual race. One lap around the White House and the fastest time would be the next Commander In Chief.<...

I just found out that no lines of latitude pass through Finland!

As they cross the border, that's the Finish line.

Annual Snail Racing Day

It was annual snail racing day and so, all the snails elected Snail B to judge while Snails J, P and O help set up the course. All the other snails then got into their designated soapbox cars, which were painted with their letter.

Snail B yelled out four beeps, and on the last and higher pitc...

How do you get whole race to hate you?

Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

another farm joke

On a farm there is an old horse and a young horse. Every week for entertainment, the farmer races the horses against each other. At first the full grown horse wins consistently, but lately the young horse has won more and more. After a particularly bad defeat, the old horse over hears the farmer say...

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