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Dirtiest Jokes

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Dirtiest joke on The Tonight Show (SFW)

Alan King was on The Tonight Show and told Johnny Carson that he was going to tell the dirtiest joke ever told on network TV and the censors wouldn’t bleep a single word. This was many years ago, so I’ve likely changed a few minor details.

Jim was a successful stockbroker, but finally grew w...

What are the dirtiest jokes you know?

Mine are a series of yo mama jokes which get progressively dirtier.

Yo mama so ugly her vibrator went soft.
Yo mama so nasty she got fired from a sperm bank for drinking on the job.
Yo mama so nasty, I asked her what's for dinner so she spread her legs and said "crabs."

Best I go...

Want to hear the dirtiest joke in the world?

Two pigs fell in the mud, three came out.

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What's the dirtiest or sexiest joke you have ever heard?

Not the dirtiest but I laughed.

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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there are not enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the n...

what is your dirtiest joke ever

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Not everyone's been in a 747.

The dirtiest pub I've ever seen was called the fiddle

It was a vile inn.

I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic

They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.

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The dirtiest joke my Grandma ever told me.

A mother puts her two sons to bed, before they fall asleep.

The older brother tells his little brother, "I think it's time we started cussing."

The younger brother asks, "Well what are you going to say?"

The older brother responds, "I'll say, Hell."

The younger brother sa...

What’s the dirtiest thing ever said on television

GEE ward you were awfully rough on the beaver last night

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Guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. While he sits there he notices a jar full of money on the bar. Next to the jar is a sign that reads, "complete the challenge win the prize." Curious, the guy asks the bartender about the challenge. The bartender explains there are three part...

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In an international "dirtiest pantie" competition

In an international "dirtiest pantie" competition, an American, a Russian and a Japanese prostitute got into the finals after the smell and visual inspection judging. For the finals, they needed to throw their panties on the wall, the longest one to stick to it wins.

Host: First we have Ameri...

It my Reddit bday. Celebrate and sing with me the dirtiest clean song you’ll ever sing!

Sing this out loud:

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick,
And every morning he played with his banjo,
In the moonlight, to the lady next door,
And you could tell just by looking that she was a,
Decent young lady who lay in the grass,
And when she rolled over you could s...

How can you tell the head nurse in a hospital?

She’s got the dirtiest knees

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Three drunk hobos were having an argument over who has the dirtiest underwear

"I have the dirtiest boxers in the entire city," says the first hobo.

As proof, he takes off his filthy brown stained boxers and throws it at a nearby wall.

The boxers stuck to the wall for 10 seconds, before peeling off and landing on the ground with a sickening plop.

Unimpress...

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Dirty Sheep Shearer

Baz the sheep shearer had just completed a six week 'shed', a live-in shearing job working with a gang on a farm with thousands of sheep. His back was sore, he'd worked long days and he was looking forward to heading home to his wife and kids.

When he walked in and caught up with his family, ...

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A pathologist talks to his colleague

"You are not going to believe it but yesterday I had a woman on a table with a clit like a pickle."

"That big?" asks the other pathologist.

"No, that sour".

It's my cake day so lets celebrate with the dirtiest joke I know. :-)

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A guy walks into a bar..

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have nine of the dirtiest martinis you can make."
The bartender, taken aback by the order, questions the guy.
"Are you meeting some people? Are you celebrating something?"
The guy responds, "I'm actually celebrating my first blow...

What’s the dirtiest country?

GERMany

Ok, so my neighbours officially hate me.

Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.

So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbour's house was on fire!

Well, when we ...

What's the dirtiest language?

Latin, its absolutely filled with *cum*.

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My wife and I had a day at the zoo. It was going pleasantly until my wife had to lunge at me and scurry me out of the chimpanzee area under a flurry of flying poop

She gave me a the dirtiest look when I told her, "they started it!"

There is a medieval town with a group of friars.

You know the ones, balding on top, fringe of hair, gray-robed religious folks. They are having a meeting to discuss the lack of donations to the church.

"Donations are at an all time low, it just isn't enough to support the church any more! Anyone have any ideas of how we could make more mone...

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Why is 30 the dirtiest number

Because it's XXX.

What US city has the dirtiest frozen waffles?

San Diego

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4 jokes you shouldn't laugh at but you still do ..... NSFW I guess

Reddit give me your worst most racist/sexist/dirtiest joke that you know you shouldn't laugh at but you still do. I'll start off with a few of my favorites:

Q: what do you call 5 black men hanging in a tree?
A: Mississippi wind chime

Q: why do women wear white on their wedding day?<...

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[Long] Mob boss goes fishing

Mob boss went fishing alone. He had thick gold chain around his neck, gold rings with diamonds on his fingers and lots of cash in his pockets. He also took big bottle of alcohol with him to make his fishing trip more enjoyable.

After some time, when he was not able to catch single fish he dec...

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I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

I was counting the money in my wallet and I remembered my microbiologist friend saying that money is the dirtiest thing you can touch all day. Turns out I have $144 in cash,

But I guess that’s just gross....

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the limerick contest

An altar boy is sent up to the priest's office.
Priest: Now, I've heard you participated in a competition.
Altar Boy: Yes father, that is true.
Priest: And I heard, this was a competition in the art of writing limericks.
Altar Boy: Yes father, that is true.
Priest: And I hea...

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My Old Teammate Ron.

So when I was in high school we had a standout basketball player (Ron) who was destined to be in the NBA in his life. As a sophomore, he was 6'7" 230, super athletic and was a star in any sport he played, but he loved basketball the most. One night he was out celebrating after a win and his buddy wa...

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Probably the grossest joke I've ever heard.

late one evening a guy is closing up the restaurant he works at. He's sweeping floors and wiping tables, when there's a knock at the door. He opens the door and standing there is the filthiest bum he's ever seen. The bum says, "say fella, could you give me a fork?" Well the guy figures, what the hel...

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