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Dictators Jokes

A group of dictators walk into a bar

and order everyone around.

Two dictators are arguing about whose army is more obedient.

They walk to the edge of the cliff and call a soldier over. Putin commands his soldier to jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children."

Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier is about to jump when Putin grabs his ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are authoritarian rulers called dictators?

Because they are always men. Nobody has ever heard of a vagtator…

A funny insight by my wife yesterday.

What’s a russian dictators favorite dessert?

Bread Putin

What is a dictators best magic trick?

They make people disappear.

Why are there no baby dictators?

They can't control their armies!

A farmer is trying to grow hydroponic potatoes, but he starts them in test tubes. This results in the potatoes being long with a round bulge at the top, so they look like male genitals.

The farmer tries to sell them to anyone and eventually even posts them online, where he surprisingly starts getting more orders than he can fill; and all from Russia. He’s surprised but grows another batch and they sell out again. He starts worrying there might be something illegal going on so he go...

How do dictators travel on the sea?

In dictatorships.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the afterlife, Dictators are lining up in heavens gate to be judged

St. Peter: Ok Stalin, you're next!

Stalin: It's ok Hitler, you can go first!

(After Hitler)

St. Peter: ok,next!

Stalin: Go ahead Saddam!

( after Saddam )

St. Peter: ok,next!

Stalin: Go ahead Marcos!

St. Peter: what's wrong with him?

Mar...

Hey, dictators! Moving the Earth further from the sun will keep you in power. Why?

Because it will take longer to make one full revolution.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did ISIS kill the man who had sex with communist dictators?

He was in fidel

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific fetish of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

Why do Communist Dictators have trouble getting their work done on time?

They're way too into Stalin

Kim Jong Un is currently..

The Shrodingers cat of dictators.

Question: Do yo know what America does with all it's circumcision's.

Answer: We send them to Cuba where they grow dictators (dicktaters)

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