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Destined Jokes

My Spanish friend is destined to save the world.

He really is the chosen Juan.

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Why was Hitler Destined to fail?

*3 Reichs and you're out*

I always thought I was destined for Stardom

But then I realised my mass was below 0.08 solar masses.

A very distinguished lady was on a plane

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favour?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remov...

I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician...

...when I pulled a habit out of a rat.

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What did Karl Marx say about the working conditions of bakers in London?

Englishmen, with their good command of the Bible, knew well enough that man, unless by elective grace a capitalist, or a landlord, or the holder of an easy job, is destined to eat his bread in the sweat of his brow, but they did not know that he had to eat daily in his bread a certain quantity of hu...

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident...

a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, 'Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we were destined to meet and be ...

What does a carrot say when it gets picked?

Nothing.

It can only silently scream into the abyss.

It has no mouth, yet it surely must have screamed when it was ripped from its comfortable life to face the cold, uncaring winds of its fate. It was a sheep to the slaughter.

And aren't we?

As a species, we have no other...

A young man was drafted and sent to medical evaluation

The doctor asked him to read the first five letters on the poster. He quickly replied “What poster?” after which he was relieved of duty.

Unfortunately, as he went to the cinema that night, he was seated right next to the very same doctor. Without hesitation, he tapped the doctor on the shou...

Im into both men and women but I’ve been single all my life.

Guess I’m just destined to be all bi-myself.

Hellmann's

Most people don't know that back in the early 1900's, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was actually manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 15,000 jars of the condiment destined for Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call after its stop in New York. At the time this was to...

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A bad time in hell

This really bad guy, eventually died and went to hell, in hell, in hell, the devil appeared in front of the guy

Devil: I see that you are now in hell, I have 5 doors wich you can choose, once you enter, there is no way of coming back, and you will be destined to spent eternity inside

*...

They lifted there blades, in one last final assault...

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. Wielding naught but rags and broken tools after their endless nightmare, they saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

One last...

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He's Cockeyed

Some years ago there was a baby boy born to a happy family. However the doctors were shocked to see that he was born without eyelids. The baby was destined to be blind so the doctors were scrambling to find a solution for him.

One of the doctors suggested he simply learn to be blind, another...

Why didn't the cheese get sliced?

It was destined for grater.

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An engineer dies and goes to heaven...

The engineer found himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter looked him up in the book, and found that he was destined for the other place. The engineer protested that this must be a mistake, and that he had lived a righteous life, going to church every week, being faithful to his wife etc. to no avail...

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