This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is stopped by an officer controlling traffic...

The officer is conducting the control rather rudely and is pedantic about the state of the car and the man starts to get annoyed. When the officer finally hands back his papers, the man asks: "would I get into trouble for calling an officer an asshole motherfucker?". The officer makes an angry noise...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the hospital for a routine operation.

He goes under, and comes to alone in a hospital bed with an IV. Moving around, he notices the white hospital sheets are covered with shit. He literally shit the bed. Completely embarrassed and panicking about what the nurses will say, he takes them off the bed and tosses them out the window onto the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Toothbrush Salesman.

One day, a man with a lisp named Joseph walks into a toothbrush factory. Down on his luck and very desperate, he asks to speak to the manager of the facility, about getting a job as a toothbrush salesman. The manager walks out, and greets Joseph. “Hi there thir, my names Jotheph, and I was curiouth ...

At a bar, I met an old friend of mine.

We chatted a bit and I asked what he'd become.
"I'm a logician", he said.
"A logician? What's that?", I asked confusedly.
"Well, let me explain. Have you got a fish tank?"
"Err, yes..."
"So you have got fishes, too."
"Indeed."
"If you got fishes, you probably also have children...

3 pregnant women in a lobby

Three pregnant women in a lobby are knitting. The first one stops and takes a pill. "It's iron" she says "I want my baby to have strong muscles"
They continue knitting except for woman number 3 who is looking confusedly at her knitting.
The second woman stops to take a pill. "It's calcium. I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hot air balloon

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hove...

Two friends, Mick and Dave, are having lunch

Two friends, Mick and Dave, are having lunch over at Dave’s house when the conversation turns to postal delivery workers.


Dave, disgruntled about the subject, says “I order a lot of books to get delivered here daily, but I always get a slip saying that they missed me, even if I’m home to ...

An old woman goes to a clinic

She runs some tests, then somehow the results are mistakenly mixed and she ends up with another woman’s test results.
She takes it to the professionals and they confusedly tell her that the results show that she’s pregnant.
She gets shocked by the news, freezes for a moment and then says
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little boy asked his father

'Daddy, what does a vagina look like?'

The father thinks for a moment, then responds, "well son, that depends. before sex, or after sex?"

The little boy has no idea, so confusedly says, "umm.. both i guess."

"Well son, before sex, the vagina is like a fragrant flower. Soft, gent...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are captured by cannibals.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are captured by cannibals. They are told that all three of them will die before the day is out. Their bones will be shaped into tools and weapons, their teeth made into necklaces, their skin sewn together to make canoes, and certain more intimate regions o...

A man walks into a library and goes up to the front desk.

He says to the librarian, "Hello, I'll have a Big Mac, Coke, and fries please."

She looks at him confusedly and says, "Sir, this is a library."

He replies in a whisper, ^^"Oh. ^^Sorry. ^^I'll ^^have ^^a ^^Big ^^Mac, ^^Coke, ^^and ^^fries ^^please."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Welding Mask

It's Johnny's tenth birthday, so his mother gives him five bucks to go to the candy store down the street to buy whatever he wants. During his walk he goes through a construction site and sees a welding mask on the ground that he thinks is cool so he decides to pick it up and put it on.

As he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student was working on her doctorate in anthropology ...

and researching for her thesis titled “Dichotomous Dystopian Misogyny in Contemporary Central American Folklore”. She traveled to rural Mexico to track down Poncho ‘Two Guns’ Valdez, a mythic bandito of the Central American highlands.


She walked into a bar and asked the bar tender. “Do yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy asks his dad for help on a school project...

The dad asks him what the project is on. "It's about real versus virtual." The boy replies. The dad thinks for a second, then asks his son to follow him.

The dad approaches the little boy's mother and asks her, "Honey, if you were given $1 million, would you have sex with the neighbor?" The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit walks into a bar

So a rabbit walks into a bar and asks the bartender,
"Got any carrots?"
The bartender says "No sorry, we don't have any carrots."

The next day the rabbit goes back to the bar and again asks, "Got any carrots?"
The bartender is a little annoyed now and snaps back "No! I told you yeste...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.