UPJOKE

Mixed Up Jokes

I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app

Either way, there’s a 10” vegetarian on the way and I’m not sure what to expect.

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I get the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' mixed up.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

My girlfriend is always yelling at me because I get my directions mixed up.

So I packed my bags and right left away!

Did you hear about the guy in 1981 that got LSD and LDS mixed up?

Instead of going on a trip, he went on a mission.

I got Grindr and Dominoes mixed up when I went to order

Regardless there is an 8 inch meat feast on the way and I’m scared.

My university mixed up it’s Zoology and Neurology pamphlets

They tried to hire Pavlov’s dog but built a Hippo-campus

Why don't you heart, lungs and intestines get mixed up?

Because they are organised

A lot of people get numerators and denominators mixed up...

But there's a fine line between the two

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My pharmacist mixed up my prescription for Ritalin with Viagra.

I tried to pay attention but it was really hard

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My pharmacist mixed up my prescriptions

She crossed up my Viagra and FloMax bottles. Now I don't know weather I'm coming or going.

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Last night I mixed up my sleeping tablets and viagra.

At least I got 40 wanks

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I mixed up my Adderall and Viagra yesterday...

I ended up having a really hard day at work.

I got my medications mixed up.

I confused my anti-depressant medication with my erectile dysfunction medication. Life just keeps getting harder.

I accidentally mixed up a bottle of alcohol with a magic lamp

Now I'm sipping on jinn & juice.

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Did you hear about the guy who mixed up sandpaper and toilet paper?

His woodworking looked like shit.

I annoyed my friend so he mixed up my Tic Tacs.

That's one of his Tac Tics.

I knew a girl who mixed up KY Jelly and superglue

I asked her how it happened but her lips were sealed

What happened to the guy who mixed up his Epilepsy tablets with his laundry tablets?

His clothes don't fit anymore!

Why do computer scientists get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

People that get entomology and etymology mixed up...

Bug me in ways I can’t put in words.

Russian, Ukrainian and Ethiopian babies got mixed up at birth.

The doctors invited their fathers so they could try to figure out which baby belongs to whom. Ukrainian father without any hesitation just takes an Ethiopian child and is about to leave the room.

"You idiot! Can't you see, this is obviously not your child!" - shouts Russian father

"Wh...

Years ago my Ex used to get Facebook & Myspace mixed up

She kept telling her friends to “Come onto MyFace, everyone is doing it”

Mixed up two shipments at work but nobody realised

I actually was pretty lucky that both were closed caskets.

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Birthday Mix-Up (Long)

A young man wished to purchase  a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note--romantic, but not too personal.

   

   Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger siste...

I think Pfizer got their drugs mixed up...

I got the Covid vaccine, but now when I cough I get an erectipn.

I constantly get misunderstandings and Chinese philosophers mixed up.

It’s so Confucius.

I mixed up Melatonin and Melanin

either way I'm still going dark

They're seems to be a lot of people getting there words mixed up

Their, I said it...

I mixed up the temperature units when doing my Physics test

As a result, I got an absolute zero.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."

The Englishman suddenly gra...

Mixed up nurse

A doctor walks into a ward in his hospital and sees one of his patients is half dead. He calls the nurse over and asks

"Nurse, did you give this man three spoonfuls of medicine every four hours, as prescribed?"

The nurse replies, "No, I gave him four spoonfuls of medicine every three h...

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I got tetanus and tinnitus mixed up at my doctor's office the other day...

Now they say that hearing is a bit rusty.

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking h...

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Mixed up presents

So this guy wants to make a nice gift for the girl he's recently started dating. He decides for a nice pair of gloves. Nice and romantic but not too personal. To pick a nice pair, he went to the store, accompanied by his sister. At the department store, the sister also bought a pair of undies for he...

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a joke we tell in Ukraine

A russian, a Ukrainian and an African American guys are sitting in the waiting room while their wives give birth.


The nurse comes out with 3 babies and says "sorry guys, they've got mixed up..let's see whose is whose".
The Ukrainian takes a black kid and runs.
They yell "hold on dud...

Im dyslexic, I often get my my b's and d's mixed up...

My uncle has a similar problem, he gets his 1's and 2's mixed up. He can't distinguish between "12" and "21". The difference between us is that He's in prison.

If I had a nickel for each time somebody mixed up a coin...

I would be like, why you giving me all these dimes.

It’s amazing how many people get peasant and pheasant mixed up.

I was very clear with what I wanted but the chef still grilled a bird for me!

I have this rare condition where I may get consecutive numbers mixed up, and my friend just got diagnosed recently.

I thought I was the only two.

I got my sleeping pills mixed up with my cats medication the other day...

Just don't ask me-ow

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I keep getting mixed up between claustrophobia and homophobia.

Which is the one about being in a closet?

I met a guy who thinks he was mixed up with his twin soon after birth.

I asked him, "What makes you think that, Joanna?"

I never get my idioms mixed up

and you can take that to the bank and smoke it

My friend got a job at the dry cleaners but he got stressed out because he always mixed up the orders and kept upsetting the customers.

So the boss sent him to do a course in hanger management.

I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.

I otter know better.

Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?

They call their tailor Herr Dresser

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My dear Watson, I appear to have mixed up my Tums with my Imodium.

Watson: No shit Sherlock.

A Joke from my little cousin

What do you call a bunch of monkeys all mixed up?


An Orangatangle!

What happens when you get mixed up in an undersea gang war?

You get a crab wound.

So you go the police but they clam't help you.

Eventually you end up at the hospital and they tell you you'll need a sturgeon.

Then you murder everyone because you are so god damn tired of their undersea puns.

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Worst "joke" I've ever heard.

This is a "joke" told by one of my coworkers Jake. There was me him and 2 other coworkers sitting in the work truck.

Jake: You know how geese always fly in a V?

Me: Yeah

J: Well you know how sometimes the goose in the lead will switch and another goose will fly in the front?
...

I accidently mixed up some poison ivy with a 4 leafed clover

Ever since I've had a rash of good luck...

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Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...

His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."

Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"

The seasons are all mixed up right now. It's supposed to be spring but it feels more like salt.

I'm so wintery

They are going to change the name of the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) as people kept getting it mixed up with AA (automobile Association)

The new name will be The Royal alcoholics Club...the RAC!

Truck wreck

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astou...

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