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Complimented Jokes

My boss pulled up to work in his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied:

"Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.

My bank just complimented me

They called and told me my check was outstanding! I felt so proud

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air ...

I complimented the toilet.

It flushed.

I always seem to say the wrong thing. For example yesterday I complimented my best friend's moustache.

Now she's not talking to me.

I once complimented a curvy woman who doesn't believe Earth is round.

She replied that it was very flattering.

I just complimented someone’s mustache

and suddenly I’m not friends with her anymore. :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've built a beautiful house and get complimented on it

But people are always shocked when they find out how crap an electrician I am.

Today, my dad complimented me on my parking skills

I’m still shaking

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

Someone once complimented me for my really poor vocabulary.

I was at a loss for words.

My girl classmate complimented me on my looks ar school today

Then I remembered it was the first of April

Someone complimented me that I have a heart of a LION

On an unrelated note... Do they have CCTV cameras in the zoo??

A Scottish, fedora-wearing art professor complimented his Scandinavian student.

"Nice skies, Finnish lass!"

What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea?

Thanks, it's my special tea.

What did the sad baker say when his bread was complimented?

Thanks, I kneaded that.

Have You Ever Been Insulted And Complimented At The Same Time?

It’s amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, “You look so gorgeous, I didn’t recognize you.”

If I had a dollar for every time someone complimented my hair

I'd be making money in a really weird way

Jesus's favorite gun

My uncle is a member of the NRA. He came over for the Christmas dinner wearing a shirt with Jesus on it. I noticed his shirt and complimented it.

He then took his jacket off and showed me the back. On it, Jesus was holding a PK in one hand and an AK-47 on the other. Above it was text th...

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