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Christmas Song Jokes

Some poor children in Victorian London were listening to Christmas songs

They heard that Santa Claus gives coal to children who aren´t on his nice list, and so they commit as many petty crimes as possible to be on his naughty list so as to not die of hypothermia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't Joe Exotic ever release any Christmas songs?

Because he fucking hates Carols.

What Christmas song do they sing in the psychiatric hospital?

Do you see what I see?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make it so no one gets offended at the Christmas song "Baby It's Cold Outside"?

Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."

Want to know Quasimodo’s favorite Christmas song?

Jingle bells!

My wife asked me to get out of the house because I can’t stop singing Christmas songs.

I said, “But Baby, it’s cold outside.”

What is Santa’s favorite Christmas Song?

What is Santa’s favorite Christmas Song?

Area Codes by Ludacris

What's Donald Trump's favorite Christmas song?

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas ♫

Most Popular Christmas Song 2020

Baby It’s CoVid Outside.

Prisoner's Christmas Song

*You better watch out*

*You better not cry*

*You better not pout*

*I'm going in dry*

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Why doesn't Mike Pence sing Christmas songs?

It might make the Yuletide gay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Nazi Christmas song?

Jing Goebbels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Hitler's least favourite Christmas song?

All I Want From Christmas Is Jew

At this time of year, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.

And that's why I'm no longer a fireman.

I keep hearing high pitched Christmas songs in my ear.

My Doctor thinks it might be tinseltus.

What Christmas song is banned from playing at mental hospitals?

🎤Do you hear what I hear? 🎤

Around this time of the year, I start carrying around a stone with me to throw at people who are singing Christmas songs already.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

What's the difference between a beer and a Christmas song?

It takes more than one beer for me to feel sick.

So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.

Christmas in the Library

What is the librarians favorite Christmas song?

Silent Night

In church tonight ....

My sister said she didn't need a hymnal because she knew the lyrics to every Christmas song.

I told my brother, "Don't mind her, she's just a big noel-it-all."

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A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

So a poor man walks into a pet store

Hoping to buy a parrot. He looks at a whole bunch of parrots, but all of them are out of his price range. He asks one of the employees if they have a cheaper parrot.

“Actually, we have one parrot that nobody has wanted to buy. His name is Chet and he very lovable, but he’s only got one leg.”...

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A man decides to get a pet for his wife for Christmas

He walks until the only pet store in town and begins to browse. He started to walk towards the dogs, but noticed the parrots next to the checkout. As he admires the birds, he notices that one of them was triple the price of the rest.

Intrigued, the man asks the owner, "What is so special abou...

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