Chemistry Teacher Jokes

Alcohol IS a solution.

Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

Student: “It’s what you do after you killum.”

A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.

Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

I accidentally made nitroglycerin.

Auuuuuuu!

Teacher “there are two liquids water and butane can someone please give me a quantity for them”
Student at the front “a ton”
Teacher “ok then what is the heavier the ton of water or the ton of butane”
The teacher asked each student the same question and each of them answered that they wer... read more

Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon, Potassium, Yttrium, Oxygen, Uranium.

Hospital bill is pretty high.

...in fact I knocked him right over.

You should have seen his reaction.

He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

Why not...


She is a Fe-male.

Today there hasn't been even one reaction from him.

They answered "The element of surprise!"

A man was tracking down a chemistry teacher who owed him money. He arrived at the school lab and found the teacher hiding behind a desk. The man reached for the nearest container, labeled CaCl2, threw it at the chemistry teacher, and yelled, "Where is my money?!"

The chemistry teacher held up... read more

Student: Do we get zinc sulfate when zinc reacts with sulfate?

Teacher: I zinc SO

I replied, "NaBrO"

A Co- Van Halen bond

She got arrested, since that's a salt.

but in my opinion he is absolutely 0K.

Sounds like a lot of FON.

But I was only testing the HO².

Student: “h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-.” Chemistry teacher: “where did you get an idea like that?” Student: “you told us the other day it was h to o.”

He must have found it funny. He completely cracked up!

So she asks the class:
"How do I unfreeze my computer?"

After a few seconds, one student raises their hand and responds:
"What's the melting point?"

The students were barely prepared so they end up doing badly on the test. The teacher is angry and says, "You students can't even write a simple test properly! 50% of you are fools!"

The next day the students look glum and when the teacher asks them why, they say, "Sir, you had said yesterday... read more

He got caught giving alcohol to minors.

He said, “Alkynes”

He's getting mixed reactions

It's called Baking Bread.

He was exposed to the elements.

I threw some NaCl at him and he yelled;
"HEY, THATS A SALT!"

If someone tried to steal your silver, you'd say A G, I lost my silver. But if someone tried to steal your gold, you'd say A U! Give me back my gold!

Barium.

With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.

The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"

The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemi... read more

*Asking the Chemistry teacher to play Santa this year seemed to have backfired*

1.) Two kittens are on a roof which one falls off first?

The one with the lowest mew.

2.) what happens to electrons and they lose all the energy?

They become Bohred

3.) People call me lazy but I am just overflowing with potential energy.

4.) Did you hear about th... read more

The first person asked the bartender for some H20.

The second person asked for some H20 too.

They both sat down and enjoyed their drinks.

The second person died.


*Credit to my Chemistry Teacher for making this joke*

So there were two brothers who lived in a little village with their parents. The older brother had a cat, and what a beautiful cat it was! He loved his cat, absolutely adored it. So one day the older brother's boss told him that he had to go on an assignment to the capital city for the weekend. The ... read more