Chapstick Jokes - 16 Hilarious Chapstick Jokes

I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick...

She's still not talking to me :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend called me a queer for using chapstick...

I'm not gay, I just like the way it feels in my ass.

I replaced my friend's chapstick with a tube of glue.

So far, he hasn't said anything about it.

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Gimme some Chapstick...

...and put it on my bill."

A duck walks into a pharmacy, grabs a tube of Chapstick® and puts it on the counter.

Cashier says, "That'll be $2. Cash or card?"

The duck says, "Just put it on my bill."

I accidentally called my two English friends Chapsticks, and they are really mad at me.

Apparently the politically correct term is conjoined twins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said I put chapstick on like a serial killer. I asked her "How do you know?"

She said "I don't know. It's just weird, like, you're trying too hard to look like you're not putting on lipstick"

"Oh... Okay. I was worried you found something in the basement."

What do you call and Englishman's walking cane?

A ChapStick

A Duck Walks Into A Drugstore...

and says, "I'd like some Chapstick". The pharmacist says, "That'll be $3.99". The duck responds, "Put it on my bill".

My first dad joke.

Nurse: so, this cream is like chapstick for your nipples.

Me: ohhh so nip balm?

Girlfriend: please ignore him.

Dad jokes are coming in strong guys.

A company testing on animals just got sued for testing a chapstick on horses that made their lips burn off.

They called it neigh-balm.

A duck strolled into the pharmacy...

Asks if there’s any chapstick. Pharmacist hands over the product and says “that’ll be $3.59”. No, no, says the duck, just put it on my bill.

A duck walks up to a corner store.

She asks the lady at the counter for some chapstick.

The lady asks “How do you expect to pay for that?”

The duck says “Could you put it on my bill?”

— A late commemoration to the 11^t^h Anniversary of the Duck Song.

A Duck walks into a pharmacy.

He tells the pharmacist “I’d like to buy a box of Chapstick.”.
The pharmacist replies, “OK, how would you like to pay for this?”
The duck says “Put it on my bill.”.

A son asks his father

A son asks his father, "Dad, how is Burt's Bees chapstick made?" The father looks at him and says, "Well son, let me tell you a story about the Burts and the Bees."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Desert, a Camel, and Chapped Lips

A man is trekking across the Arabian desert with a guide and his camel.

After some time walking through the blistering heat and blowing sand, the man began to notice his lips were getting chapped. Not to be deterred, the man pushed forward, wetting his own lips with his tongue. As t...

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