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Ziplock Jokes

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What do a walrus and a ziplock bag have in common?

They both like a tight seal.

In honor of the guy on the front page that ruined his dick by putting it in a bottle.

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Taking grandson fishing...

A grandfather was taking his grandson fishing one day. While driving to the lake the grandfather grabbed a beer out of the cooler and popped the top.
Grandson: "Grandpa, grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?"
Grandpa: "Well, let me ask you a question first. If you pull your pecker down is ...

So two lumberjacks were felling trees....

So two lumberjacks were felling trees when the axe slipped and cut off a guys hand. His buddy grabbed the hand, put it in a ziplock bag and rushed to the hospital. The next day, his buddy is back at work, hand reattached. The wonders of modern medicine!

But luck wasn't in his favor, the ex...

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Bob works in a saw mill.

Bob works in a saw mill. One day he comes into work, and his friend Ted asks him, "Hey, did you hear about Joe?"

"No, what's up?"

"Well, he was working late last night and cut off his hand."

"Holy crap Ted, is he alright?"

"Oh yeah, we picked it up, put it in a ziplock ba...

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A boy and his grandfather go fishing...

after a while, the grandfather reaches into his cooler and pulls out a beer. "What's that?" says the boy. "It's a beer, don't worry about it." Replies the grandfather, taking a sip and looking across the water. Curious, the boy asks, "Can I have one?" The grandfather thinks for a moment and says wit...

Happily Married

There is a couple who have been married for 30 years. Every Friday for dinner the husband would come home from work and the wife would serve him a huge bowl of chilli. One friday, the husband comes home with a colleague so the wife serves up two bowls. When the wife gets up to go to the kitchen, the...

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