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Calmed Jokes

A guy boards an airplane to Detroit and makes his way to his seat where he notices the guy sitting next to him looks very worried. He asks him if he's afraid of flying.

"No, my company is moving me to Detroit. I've heard terrible things about Detroit; I'm worried about my family."

The guy tells him, "Look, it's not at all like the rumors. I've lived in Detroit my whole life. Find a nice home in a nice suburb, get your kids into a decent school, the community...

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just
swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with triplets was shot in the belly three times.

She was rushed to the hospital and was assessed. The doctor told her “each one of your babies has been shot, but the good news is that the wounds are not life threatening. And even better news where they were shot, the bullets will come out on their own.” The mother is patched up and gives birth a ...

63 and pregnant

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; ...

A blizzard hit a remote prison way up in the mountains, the faculty were all evacuated but there was no time to save all the inmates.

After the weather calmed down, the roads were snowed over, and would be impassable until the thaw come springtime. Rescuers were flown in to find the the inmates had all perished due to the unbearable cold. It seemed the only think left to do was to remove the bodies to give closure to the families ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant lady expecting triplets is tragically shot during a bank robbery

She was shot 3 times in the belly, and 1 bullet hit each of the 3 baby boys. Miraculously, they all survived!


One day about 14 years later, one of her boys came crying to her saying “mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out of my penis”. Then she sat him down and explained what happened al...

A man was driving along the road

A man was driving along the road when suddenly a Ferrari whizzed past him and the driver inside yelled "ever driven a Ferrari mate?"

This angered the man, and accelerated to catch up to the Ferrari and give the driver a piece of his mind.

However as he was about to reach the Ferrari, i...

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