UPJOKE
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Peacefully Jokes

A calligrapher died peacefully in his sleep.

He soon woke up in a land of paradise. He spent the next few days exploring. Heaven was exactly as he imagined—pristine rolling hills, golden castles upon cloud tops, reunions with lost loved ones, and endless opportunities to explore one's hobbies. He had access to the finest selection of inks and ...

I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.



I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."

I asked what happens when they do.

"We get another sheep."

When I die, I hope to go peacefully in my sleep like my Grandmother.

And not screaming like the passengers on her bus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Mr. Rutledge died peacefully in his sleep and was taken to the morgue.

While fixing him up for the funeral, the mortician naturally got a look at the old dead man naked. He was so awestruck at the size of Rutledge's penis that he called his assistant in. Wow, good on you, Mr. Rutledge! That thing's gotta be the size of a baseball bat!" the assistant commented.

L...

A old man passes away peacefully in his sleep after a long illness

His wife calls the county to come pick up his body.

The county operator answers "Yes, ma'am, I'm very sorry for your loss. Can you tell me your address?"

"Yes, we live at 148 Eucalyptus Street."

"Can you spell that for me?"

"Y-U...no, wait, that's not right...E-Y-C...no,...

Pilot Bob Johnson, age 85, died peacefully in his sleep last Tuesday.

The rest of his passengers weren't so lucky.

Some people say:’ why don’t they protest peacefully?’

And then here comes this guy: ‘why don’t they just do a Zoom protest? ’.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Queen and a King exist peacefully.

The King needed to travel to a far away kingdom for business, leaving the Queen alone, he put 10 guards in charge of protecting her, and as a precaution, he slid a blade in the inside of her vagina, to make anyone that sleeps with her while his out regret it, after the long travel he comes back and ...

Sean Connery passed away peacefully in his sleep at age 90, he and Roger Moore were good friends...

They shared a Bond.

Hugh Hefner Peacefully Passed Away From Natural Causes Today.

Playmate Natural Causes could not be reached for comment.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

A woman goes on a business trip overseas, leaving her husband behind to look after the house and kids.

After a few days she calls up to see how everything is.

"Everything's fine" he says. "The kids are finally sleeping OK without you here, and my boss has given me an extra week off until you're back. Oh! I forgot to say, the cat's dead! She was hit by a car!"

"What!?" Says the wife. "A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Obituary: Albert Wood, co-inventor of Viagra has passed peacefully in his sleep at age 91.

Unfortunately for his passengers, after taking a hard right over a cliff none survived. Donations can be made to the Hard & Stroke Foundation, Charity, Mindy or another girl of your choice. No flowers.

I was peacefully making an unboxing video when suddenly everybody around started thrashing me.

Guess nobody knows the trend around here at the funeral.

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