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Caine Jokes

Michael Caine was making a movie in the Philippines …

… and he was invited to a posh party in an expensive house in Manila. While he was being introduced to the other guests in the party and getting a drink, he noticed that the hostess was looking at him rather nastily. He was perplexed as he had never met her before and was a guest at her house.
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The only clean joke Michael Caine could think of to tell the Queen.

I remember this joke from a TV interview I saw with Michael Caine about 20 years ago, and it's stuck with me:


A telemarketer calls a house and a little girl answers the phone:

Little girl (LG): \*quiet voice* *"Hello?"*

Telemarketer (TM) "Hello there and good day, would you ...

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In the late 1960s, Michael Caine was approached by Jim Morrison, Ray Manzarek, Robby Krieger, John Densmore.

The idea was that they all wanted oral sex from his wife and offered an outrageous sum of money to do so.

Caine obliged.

When all was set and done Michael Caine walked in to collect his dough and noticed Mick Jagger and Keith Richards stripped to their ankles as well.

Caine t...

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Little known fact: Michael Caine tried to make it as a pimp, providing prostitutes for rock stars.

It didn't work out, though. One girl was hired to perform oral sex on Jim Morrison and his band mates but she ended up at a festival shagging every musician. Caine reprimanded her severely, telling her "YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BLOW THE BLOODY DOORS OFF!"

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During the 60’s Michael Caine hosted some really wild parties. At one such party he had all the coolest people there, taking drugs, drinking and having a crazy time.

‘Alright jim’ he said to Jim Morrisson ‘are you and the boys enjoying the party?’. ‘Yeah its great, man’. ‘Well its going to get better. Ive got a girl in the bedroom who will suck all your dicks’ said Caine ‘Really? That’s great!’ replied Morrisson. So he and the band went into Michael’s bedroom....

What did Chris Nolan say after he got a movie idea?

"Where's ma-co-caine? "

In the 70's my friend was a high class call girl

Her 'pimp' was movie star Michael Caine, he got her the highest profile jobs in the industry and she got to 'work' with a lot of famous people.

This particular time she was at the Isle of Wight music festival and had to go and 'service' some musicians, well she gets back stage and there they...

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Blow

So, I was in a bad situation, lost my family, home, all of my money, I needed some cash. Due to this I decided to try my hand at burglary. Thinking big and ambitious I headed to London, to break in to some big mansions there. Finally got it all planned and found the perfect house. Night descended, s...

My Chinese flatmate asked "have you seen my cocaine?"

Me: "yes, he was brilliant in The Italian Job"

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