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Bus Stop Jokes

Blondes At The Bus Stop.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"

The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says.

The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how ...

A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop..

A Husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 10 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
Soon, the bus arrives, but it is overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a whil...

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I saw my dwarf neighbor standing at the bus stop this morning so I stopped him.

I said, "Jump in! I'll give you a lift!"

"Fuck off!" he said.

And I just thought to myself, "What an ungrateful person he is." So I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.

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A bus stops... [NSFW]

and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-mor...

I was at the bus stop today

And a young blonde in a short skirt boarded the bus. She didn't have enough money for the fare, so she hitched up her skirt. The driver took one look and waved her on the bus.
The next day I thought I'd try the same. My bus came along. I got on and showed the driver a bit of leg.
He immediatel...

At a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket was waiting for the bus..

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thin...

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So I'm standing at the bus stop, eating a sandwich…

And there's an old lady there with a little chihuahua.
It's constantly jumping at my leg, begging for some sandwich.
I ask the lady,
" Do you mind if I throw your dog a bit?"
" Why no, go ahead", she says, sweetly.
So I threw the yappy little bastard under a bus.

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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!

A big bus stops at a roadside eatery.

The passengers flood inside the eatery and as they take their respective seats the driver calls the manager aside and explains, "Look sir, we're from the mental asylum down the road. I'm taking the inmates for a ride. When they're done eating they will insist on paying with bottle caps like they do ...

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops.

On my desk, I have a work station.

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A woman was waiting at a bus stop

The wait was going to be long. In the diner across the road, there was a fortune machine. 25 cents, the little slip of paper came out.

"You know how to play the violin"

Well that's not true, she thought. There happened to be a violinist in the diner, he let her try. To both of thei...

Bus Stop

A woman walks across a busy intersection at the crosswalk to walk over to the bus stop, but an Uber hits her and she is pronounced dead on the scene. She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God. He looks her up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you ...

Two old ladies were sitting at a bus stop smoking cigarettes...

Suddenly it begins to rain. Old lady #1 pulls a condom out of her purse and slips it over her cigarette and continues smoking. Impressed, old lady #2 says, "Whad'ya call that thing and where can I get one?" "You mean this cigarette cover? I get mine down at the pharmacy," Says old lady #1.

So...

What’s the difference between a dusty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station and ones a busty crustacean

Edit:
Fixed the joke to work, and apologies if it’s a repost I wasn’t aware

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Two paedophiles are waiting at a bus stop when an 8 year old girl walks past...

One says to the other, "I bet she was a looker in her day."

An English gentleman was waiting at a bus stop...

...standing next to him was a very attractive woman in a very short dress. A sudden breeze caused her dress to fly up revealing she had no panties on. The English gentleman witnessed this and being a bit flustered said, "Bit airy, isn't it"

The woman replied, "What were you expecting? Feather...

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $25 bill and a note in his mouth that reads: "10 pork chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of 10 pork chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the bus schedule and sits on the bench when a bus arrives...

Man at the bus stop with a penguin

There was a policeman driving down the road and he spotted a man standing at the bus stop with a penguin.
The policeman stopped and said “Excuse me sir, is this your penguin?”
The man says “No it’s not my penguin” so the policeman says “Well can you take it to the zoo then.”
The next day t...

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

Edit: thanks for silver gold and front page, it means alot

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

I saw a werewolf behind the bus stop last night!

Or a really hairy homeless guy.

Either way, the silver bullet worked!

A man walks up to a pregnant woman at a bus stop

“When is it due” he asks.

“Two weeks” she replies.

“I guess I’ll just walk then” he responds.

A Blind man is at the bus stop....

... and along comes a large family. Mother, Father, and 7 young children. As they're waiting for the bus, it starts to rain, just making the wait worse.

When the bus arrives, being polite, the men let the mother and children get on first, at which point the bus driver says: "Sorry guys. The ...

A Bus Stop

On a bus stop in Washington DC, there were a cop, a nurse, a man in a suit, a philosopher and a priest. The cop spoke first:

Cop: ”Is this the right bus stop to Congress hill?”

Man in suit: ”yes”

Cop: ”Good. As it happens, there was this school shooting incident last week; I was...

Bus Stop

2 Mexicans are standing at a bus stop where they usually get picked up for day labor. The first Mexican notices one day that the other just pulled up in a new tricked out car. He went up to the other Mexican and started talking to him.

Mexican 1: Hey amigo, I see you here to get work every da...

Two blondes and a bus

Two blondes are standing at a bus stop.

One asks the other:

"Which bus are you taking?"

"Number 1. And you?"

"Two."

The bus with the number 12 is coming. One of them says to the other:

"Look, we're going together!"

Why do real estate agents put their picture on business cards, Facebook pages, web sites, billboards, bus stops, postcards, vehicle wraps, yard signs, and printed ads?

So you’ll know what they looked like 10 years ago.

A lovely woman is first in line at a bus stop.

The bus opens its doors to let her on. She lifts her leg for the step and funds she cannot reach it. She realizes it must be her tight dress and reaches back and unzips it a little bit.

Again, she brings her leg up and still cannot reach the first step of the bus. A little more embarrassed, ...

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A guy was waiting at the bus stop for the bus, when a beautifull girl shows up...

She has the most beautiful tits that the has ever seen, and immediatly he goes crazy...

After 5 minutes looking at her, he can't resist and go talk to her:

\- I am really sorry... But i am in love with your beautiful breasts... If i give you $200,000 would you let me bite your boobs?...

Suppandi goes to the bus stop...

He asks a stranger,”Sir, Which bus will take me to Durganagar?”
“Just take bus number 96”, the stranger replied hurriedly as he ran to catch his bus.
In the evening, the stranger gets down at the same bus stop and notices Suppandi is still there. Intrigued, he asks,”Did you not take the bus?”<...

I was at the bus stop the other day when I saw a man with only one leg

I looked at his one leg, and I looked at my two. I looked back at his one leg and I thought, he must be rubbish at tabletennis

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What did the 3 tampons say to each other at the bus stop?

Nothing, they’re stuck up cunts

Weird guy on a bus stop

Weird guy on a bus stop keeps kissing every bus he can find. Going from one bus to another, he caresses them gently and sweet talks them while people keep staring. He doesn't care and keeps doing it.

One of the fresh bystanders realises that it's actually a good friend of his so he quickly ru...

I was waiting at the bus stop.

A woman said, "How long will the next one be?"

I said, "Probably about thirty feet."

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.

“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare. “Parlare Italiano?” No response.

“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgus...

At the bus stop

"Wow, the boy over there is ugly."
-
"That's my Son!"
-
"Oh sorry, I did not know that you are the father"
-
**"I am his mother!"**

Two british men are sitting at a bus stop...

When a man, clearly not from their town, comes up towards them.

"Parlez-vous Français?" The man asks the two Brits.

Confused, they stare blankly at the foreigner.

"Hablan ustedes EspaĂąol?" The man tries again - still no reaction from the two men.

Frustrated, the foreign...

Bus stops are kind of my fetish.

It's just how I get off.

My house is a stone's throw away from the bus stop.

It's the one with broken windows.

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I saw a fat woman standing at the bus stop.

I asked her when is it due?, she then went into a right rage and said I am not pregnant you ignorant Bastard. I said I was on about the bus you fat cow.

Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf.

Paddy said, 'I gonna do that when I win da lottery.'

'What's dat,' says his mate.

'Send me lawn away to be cut.'

A man was standing at the bus stop.

Suddenly he saw a very fit-looking old man.
He went to the old man,and said-

Man-'Sir,you look very fit. What's the secret of your looking so fit and young?'

Old man-'I smoke 30 cigars a day.
I drink 4-5 bottles of vodka daily,and I am a serious drug-addict.
And I hate doin...

I’m trying to think of a joke about waiting for the bus at the wrong bus stop.

But nothing is coming to me.

At a bus stop near the center of town

An elderly woman gets on the bus and takes a seat behind two old Italian friends engaged in conversation.

"How was your night last night, Tony?"

"Ah Giuseppe, it was a a-wonderful night-a a last-a night-a."

" You see, Emma a-come first, then I come a-next. Then our two asses a...

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A guy is sitting at a bus stop when...

...his friend sits next to him. He has two black eyes.

The guy says, "Hey, what happened to you?"

The friend says, "It was in church. When we all stood up to sing, I noticed that this lady in front of me had her dress caught in between her ass cheeks. So, being a nice person, I pulled ...

An old man is sitting at a bus stop

An old man is sitting at a bus stop, when a kid walks up holding 5 Snickers bars and sits down next to him.

The old man looks over and watches as the kid unwraps and eats the first candy bar. The kid then proceeds to unwrap the next one, and eats it too. Soon, the kid has eaten all 5 Snickers...

A young boy sat at a bus stop eating a chocolate bar.

When he finished he reached in his pocket, drew out another and ate it too. He then pulled out a 3rd bar and began to unwrap it.

A woman sitting next to him said "all that chocolate will make you fat and ruin your teeth."

The boy replied "My grandfather lived to be 126 years old."
<...

Three nuns are at a bus stop

A man walks up and flashes them.

The first two have a stroke, and the other can't reach.

"Does this bus stop at the river?"

"Well, if you hear a really big splash, the answer is no."

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While waiting at the bus stop i saw a woman come out from a bus with her breast exposed...

Being a gentleman i told her about her ordeal


Woman: OH SHIT! I LEFT MY BABY IN THE BUS!

Three Men are sitting at a bus stop

The first man says, "I served in the U.S. Army for 10 years. I was involved in the Korean War."

The second man says, "Nice. I served in the United States Marine Corps for 8 years. I was involved in the Iraq War."

The third man says, "I was involved in the War on Drugs. I served 15 year...

A preacher and a young boy were sitting at a bus stop.

The boy had a bottle of clear liquid and he kept shaking it up, looking at the bubbles. The preacher asked the youngster what he had in the bottle. "Preacher man, this here is the strongest liquid known to mankind, Turpentine!"

The preacher reaching into his vest pocket, "Young man, I beg t...

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I love the look on the poor sods faces when I drive by them and they're pissed wet through and freezing cold at the bus stop

Partly why I took the job as a bus driver tbh

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday...

She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.

On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35,"he replied.

"I'm actually 47," t...

Saw my ex girlfriend getting beaten up by 5 guys at a bus stop, so as a human being I had to step in and help...

She didn't stand a chance against the 6 of us

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Old lady at the bus stop

So I was at the bus stop and there was an old, very ugly little lady standing there with a parrot on her shoulder. She saw me and cackled "Boy, if you can tell which animal I have on my shoulder, I will take you home and fuck your brains out."

I thought for a moment and replied "Uhh... an el...

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A short story about two old ladies at a bus stop

There are two old ladies at the bus stop. One is rich while the other one is poor. It was the Rich lady's birthday last week.

"my husband got me a diamond ring for my birthday" says the rich lady

"that's nice!" says the poor lady

"he also got me a Mercedes C class" says the rich...

A Physicist, a Biologist and a Mathematician are standing at a bus stop.

A bus stops and 5 people get in.
As the bus comes around the next time, 6 people get out.
The Physicist comments:
"That's a measuring error."
The biologist says:
"They reproduced on the way."
The mathematician says:
"If one more person gets in, the bus will be empty."

A man stands, chain smoking at a bus stop...

A man stands, chain smoking at a bus stop.

The woman standing next to him says "Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"

"That's OK..." says the guy, puffing casually, "I'm a programmer"

"So? What's that got to do...

Two women are sitting at a bus stop...

They're both smoking, and it starts to rain. One if them out her cigarette out, and the other took out a condom to put over the cigarette so she could continue smoking.

The woman looks at the one with the condom and says, "wow that's neat, what is it and where can I get one?"

The other...

I tried wooing a lady at the bus stop the other day...

It didn't work, she obviously wasn't a fan of Ric Flair

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