Back in the 80's, Brian was walking in Belfast when he was accosted by a masked man, brandishing a gun

The masked man asked "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant"?

Brian replied "Neither, I'm an Atheist"

The masked man was silent for a moment, then finally said:

"Is that a Catholic Atheist or a Protestant Atheist"?

Joe the Carpenter

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

A chicken walks into a bank, brandishing a gun...

...he approaches the cashier, hands over a bag and says, "Fill it".

A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.

"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"

The teller said "Don't you mean history?"

The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"

A man walks into a crowded bar brandishing a gun...

The man yells out "WHOS BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE???"
A few moments later, a man in the back yells back "YOU DONT HAVE ENOUGH BULLETS!".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stand real still.

A Thief walks into the Bar


Two guys walk into a bar. One is a huge monster of a man, and the other a slight, small man. They walk up to the bar and order drinks.

About that time, a thief walks into the bar brandishing a gun. He walks up to the big guy, points the gun at his head, a...

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII...

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII. He was placed into a detention cell and soon a neatly uniformed SS officer comes to interrogate him.

“Vhere is your unit based?” asks the officer in accented English. But the soldier looks him dead in the eyes and says only “Tick t...

An officer was at a gas station grabbing some coffee...

When a guy smoking at the gas pump hands caught fire. The guy runs into the store waving his hands causing the fire to spread up his shirt toward his shoulders as he’s shouting at the attendant to help him. Suddenly the cop pulls his weapon and shoots the man dead.

The attendant looks at the ...

An Indian walks into a brothel...

...and says to the madam, "Me want woman." The madam looks him over and says, "Well, have you ever been with a woman before?" The Indian says, "Mmm, no." So the madam decides to help him out.

"Alright," she says, "if you go just outside here, turn left, follow this street down for 4 blocks...

Sometimes I come up with a punchline so terrible...

...so contrived and unfunny, that a mob forms around me brandishing flaming torches and pitchforks.

It happens frequently enough that I've devised a getaway technique for just this type of occasion...I run to the top of the nearest hill, curl up in a ball and throw myself down the other side ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old goody

A plane goes down in the middle of the Africa and has only one survivor, a man who is mostly unscathed. He begins to trek to the coast, figuring it his best chance to find people.

Less than two hours later a tribe of a few dozen pygmies surrounds the man, brandishing crude spears and screami...

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