UPJOKE
boastgloatcrowcrowingtoutvauntblusterblowbossswashgasgasconadeline-shootingvaporingbragging

Brags Jokes

A man brags to his friend that his dog can follow any command.

His friend decides to start with something simple. He picks up a stick, throws it, turns to the dog, and says, "Fetch!"

The dog doesn't move. In fact, he looks up at the friend and starts shouting, "Fetch, roll over, sit, stay, eat this, don't eat that! I can't stand being a dog anymore! I'm ...

Big game hunter brags..

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.

Being a good shot, no one could argue with him.

But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole, he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call a man who brags about having a big dick?

Ego-testicle

Two friends chat and one brags about his new car

“So I got a new Tesla Model X, it drives itself!”

“Nice! Where is it?”

“No idea...”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid comes home from the prom and takes his father aside and brags that he just experienced his first blowjob.

The kid's father, beaming, asks his son if he enjoyed it. The kid says "I loved it. But not a big fan of the taste."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did your husband get YOU?

Three southern belles stood together gossiping. The topic of discussion were gifts from their husbands. Here's how it went.

Pointing at a house on top of a hill, the first southern belle boasts, "Y'all ain't never seen a house like that. My husband built me that there house!" The second south...

My buddy brags that he’s 4 inches...from the ground.

I tell him it’s not impressive if it’s only true when he’s laying on his stomach.

A rancher brags to a stranger in a bar

“It takes 3 hours to drive across my land”

The stranger nods sympathetically and replies:

“I used to have a truck like that.”

My friend always brags about being able to turn cake into alcohol

He must be a fungi at parties...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend brags he shits 10kg of poo everyday.

Load of crap.

My dad always brags that his was the first profession to go completely digital.

He’s a proctologist.

A man brags before his friend : "I'm very fast at calculus !"

So his friend, curious now, asks :

\- 72043 divided by 17 ?

The man immediately replies :

\- 6.

\- But... that's wrong!

\- Yep. But it's fast!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend brags about having sex with potato chips

He keeps on telling me how many lays he's had.

I hate people who brag

I swear, the next person who brags in front og me will be mowed down by my brand new Lamborghini Aventador with extremely comfortable leather seats at max speed (218 mph)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tattooed guy, a hot blonde and a pale looking guys have a chat

The tattooed guy brags: "I have the best job, I'm a musician. Each day I have sex at least twice!"

The hot blonde responds: "Well, I'm a prostitute. It's literally my job. I have one customer per hour!"

Finally the pale looking guy joins in: "Still, none of you gets as much sex during ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy brags to his friends that he just lost his virginity...

A boy came running in a room full of his friends bragging about losing his virginity.

His friends asked him to sit down and tell them the whole story.

He replies "I can't sit down, my ass hurts."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.