As soon as I brought it home, it made a bolt for the door
I had an axe that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln...
The head was replaced once and the handle twice but I got documented proof it belong to Abraham Lincoln.
Husband: "I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my Grandmother."
Wife: "Why does it say 'Do Not Resuscitate?'"
A world renowned doctor is asked to visit a local mental institute to ensure all the patients truly belonged there...
He is told he will visit three patients and will be supervised by the institutes owner. When he arrives he visits the first patient in his room and sees the patient defecating into his own hands and smearing it on the wall. He quickly turns towards the supervisor and says “this man truly belongs he...
I got so annoyed at having to wait so long in the hospital waiting room that I decided to just barge into the nearest door to demand treatment. The paque claimed it belonged to Dr Essings.
But it was just full of bandages.
A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions.
The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the fir...
TIL that the U.S. almost declared war against Russia by thinking that an allied underwater warship on their radar belonged to Russia...
A small town near Russia and Poland
There was a small town located along the frontier between Russia and Poland; no one was ever quite sure to which it belonged. One day an official treaty was signed and not long after, surveyors arrived to draw a border. Some villagers approached them where they had set up their equipment on a nearby...
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Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office
But she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick ...
I am sick
Once I was traveling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sikh person before.
Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady.
Her name was Mar...
A surgeon offers a patient his choice of two hearts for transplant.
The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.
The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.
Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart. Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks “Why did you choo...
A woman buys a talking parrot that belonged to a brothel house before.She takes the parrot home:
"Oh, new brothel, new dames...cooool ".After a while the daughters come home. The parrot:" Oh, new brothel, new hookers...cooool. "After a while husband comes home. The parrot: "oh, new brothel, new hookers, old friends...hello Bob."
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When I was a younger lad I was blessed with an 8 1/2" penis
Unfortunately it belonged to father O'Malley
What did Darth Vader say under the tree?
Luke... I feel your presents...
My sister just told this to me, and I genuinely laughed at it so I thought it belonged here!