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Be There Jokes

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found ...

An abacus will always be there for you.

You can count on it.

I'm not saying that no one who hasn't done time can understand prison. But I am saying you had to be there.

Literally, you had to. They wouldn't let me leave. It sucked.

Dont see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too though.

John asks out a girl and girl says "at 19:00 come to my house, noone will be there"

So in the evening he goes to girl's house and no one is there

Why do people say be there, or be square?

Because you wouldn't be a-round

Two gentlemen are walking through the West End on their way to a show. One turns to the other and says, “I have a feeling a large number of right-wing wazzocks are going to be there tonight. Trust me, you’ll see the...

Queue anon.

A woman is giving birth and her husband rushes to the hospital to be there.

On his way, he decides to call the hospital to see how she’s doing but he accidentally calls the local cricket ground. Someone answers.

“Hi. How’s everything going there?”

“Well... we have three out and hope to have the rest out by lunch. Last one was a Duck.”

I received a message last night from an unknown source that read, “I’ll be there in five minutes, and then we are going to get freaky.” I was terrified, but luckily it turns out it was meant for someone else.

Either way, I done using Ouija Boards.

I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever

They're infinity stones

As the new Baptist minister berated the congregation 'Yea be there any among you who commit adultery.'

'May your tongue cleave to da ruf o yo moufh.'

A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asks him,"What will it be there Mr.Seal?

The seal says,"Anything but a Canadian Club!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss told be there would be a training seminar about sexual innuendo in the workplace and asked me to invite my secretary.

I left her a post it note saying if she couldn’t come I’d happily fill her slot for her.

Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!”

Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend.

The tallest animals in the zoo don’t even want to be there...

They were giraffeted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you think heaven is gonna be boring remember that all your love ones and heroes are gonna be there

Like the guy who killed hitler a personal favourite of mine

Why do they say be there or be square?

Because if you don’t show up, you’re not a round

If you fall, I’ll be there.

~Floor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into a chiropodist. The chiropodist, a young woman, tells him to wait in the consulting room, she’ll be there in a moment.

When she walks in, the man is standing with his pants down and his dick on the table. The woman just glances at it and says
“That’s not a foot”.

The man smiles and says
“Give it a minute”.

A man excitedly goes to a Catholic convention upon hearing that the Pope is in town and will be there.

In addition to being a devout Christian, he's always been a huge fan of the Pope and dreamed of meeting him and couldn't pass up the opportunity.

He spent days and hours prior trying to find his best outfit and suit, trying many different getups trying to find the most appropriate and respect...

A man on the phone with a friend at airport: "I'll be there to pick you up in 25 minutes."

Man, at home, on phone with friend at airport: "I'll be there to pick you up in 25 minutes."

<Man's girlfriend walks into the room naked.>

Man: "I'll be there in 26 minutes."

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