UPJOKE
impenddependloiterpersiststayebolaelizatyphoidworsebewertbeestwastalzheimersripoff

Be Hang Jokes

Why can’t trump be hanged?

Fake noose

I saw a bloke with one arm and one leg was about to be hanged.



I started shouting out letters.

Bert, at 75 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided to wear them home to show the missus.

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret at age 73, looked him over and replied, "Nope."

Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.

His last minute plea for clemency to the Governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr Wright (Slightly NSFW)

Read this a while ago, still probably my favourite joke, and felt I should share it for those who haven't seen it before.
A lawyer gets home after a long trial in which it was decided his client-Mr Wright-would be hanged later that night. He is greeted at the door by his wife.
"You're home lat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day god thought “damn those Estonians don’t give a fuck about anything”

So the next day he goes down there and says “tommorow youre all gonna be hanged. Any questions?”

One estonian raises his hand and asks: “will the rope be provided or do we have to bring our own?”

A miller tells the king his daughter Edith can spin straw into gold.

So the king locks Edith in a room with straw and tells her she will die if she can not spin straw into gold. After awhile a small man appears to the crying miller’s daughter.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN: What saddens you young girl?

EDITH: My father’s big mouth has gotten me in quite the predicame...

Ther was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row...

and their time was up.

In a new, enlightened program, the warden gave them a choice of three ways to die.

- To be shot

- To be hanged

- To be injected with the AIDS virus.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly.)

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian grandfather tells a war story to his grandson

Once me, a British and an American soldier were conducting a secret operation in Nazi Germany. We were caught, and the Nazis gave us an ultimatum: they will fuck us in the ass and then free or we will be hanged.
The British soldier immediately agreed, he was fucked and freed. American soldier tho...

Newfie execution

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The Americ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Mexican, and a Canadian are all shipwrecked on a tropical island..

When they are taken captive by the local tribe. The tribal lead tells them "the bad news is, we are going to kill you. We will use your bones for our tools, your muscle for food, and your flesh for our canoes. The good news is, we will let you choose how we kill you.

The American chooses to ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.