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Baptists Jokes

Baptists

Why don’t Baptists screw standing up?


Because someone might see them and think they’re dancing.

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

whats the difference between Catholics and baptists?

Catholics drink on the front porch, baptists drink on the back porch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They wouldn’t bother: Sex abuse is easier to hide in the dark.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: One to screw the lightbulb, and one to convince the lightbulb that the lightbulb’s sinful, promiscuous behavior is what caused the first one to screw it, and if the lightbulb gossips to the police about being screwed, it would be damaging the church’s mission of preaching the Good News of Jesus...

Baptists vs. Beer

If you go fishing with one Baptist they'll drink all your beer.

If you go fishing with two Baptists neither of them will drink your beer.

How many Westboro Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

30. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and 29 to protest it for being brighter than they are.

If baptists are baptized...

does that mean protestants are protested?

I think Baptists make terrible baseball players

Because they believe in once safe, always safe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Jews, Protestants, and Baptists?

Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the head of the Church.

Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

There are three truths in religion:

1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.


2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.


3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

What do Catholics and Baptists have in common?

Neither acknowledge their fellow church-goers at the liquor store.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know why the Baptists don't make love standing up?

They don't want people to think they're dancing.

Not my joke cheech marins I'm high as Fuck and thought you guys might like it too.

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