Baptists vs. Beer

If you go fishing with one Baptist they'll drink all your beer.

If you go fishing with two Baptists neither of them will drink your beer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't baptists have sex standing up?

Because if someone walks in on them, they might think they're dancing.

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There are three religious truths

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

How many Westboro Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

30. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and 29 to protest it for being brighter than they are.

A man dies and goes to hell where he finds himself in the middle of a tour.

The tour guide walks them to a room of people covered in scorpions and says- “Here is where all of the Catholics go.” He then takes them to a room where all of the people are burning alive- “This is where all of the baptists go.” He then walks the group into a beautiful valley where children are run...

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

If baptists are baptized...

does that mean protestants are protested?

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A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

What do Catholics and Baptists have in common?

Neither acknowledge their fellow church-goers at the liquor store.

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