This year I resolve to be more confident and assertive...

...if that's ok with you guys.

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

My New Years resolution for 2019 is to be more assertive

if that's okay with you guys?

People keep saying I need to be more assertive

Is that okay?

I'm taking an assertiveness course

If that's okay

Why was the sprout farmer so assertive?

He was an alfalfa male.

My friend said I was not assertive enough to farm rocks.

You should have seen the look on his face when I grew boulder.

At the World Women's Conference...

At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up:
"At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After ...

I went to the Doctors

He asked "What's the matter?"

I said "I'm too easy going. People always take advantage of my good nature"

He said "What do you want me to do?"

I said "I want you to refer me to a self-assertiveness course"

He said "No you don't"

I said "You're right, I don't"

A young girl returns home from school one day.....

and informs her parents that she is pregnant.
Her father immediately demands that the father of the child comes to the house so he can give him "the beating of his life".

5mins later, a Ferrari pulls up outside, and out steps this guy dressed in an expensive suit, sunglasses etc (you get t...

A doctor, a businessman, and a pre-school teacher...

A doctor, a businessman, and a pre-school teacher are invited to be part of a social experiment.

The doctor is brought into a room with a gorgeous blonde, brunette, and redhead, and asked which one he would most like to sleep with.

The Doctor replies, "I my professional experience, blo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and his buddy are having a shooting competition down at the range...

The priest went first. He aimed his rifle and shot at the target, hitting a perfect bullseye. His friend went next, aimed, and fired way off course, missing the target completely. He angrily exclaims, "Shit, I missed!"

The priest, upon hearing this, warns his friend, telling him "You better w...

A police officer sitting in his car on coffee break see's a car full of penguins drive by...

He throw's his cruiser in gear, calls it in on the radio and immediately pulls the penguin stuffed vehicle over. He walks up to the drivers side door, and being far too curious for formalities and protocol bluntly asks: "What in the hell do you think your doing driving aroud with all these damn peng...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.