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Allahu Akbar Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Allahu Akbar actually mean?" I asked Muhammad at work today.

"It has two meanings," he replied, "The first meaning is 'God is Great'".

"And the second?" I asked

"Run like fuck!" Muhammad smiled.

Traffic Lights..

I was sitting at a traffic light yesterday, minding my own business
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no
on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American
Slogans, with a half-burned American flag duct-taped on the side of the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Told to me by my Muslim father

A Sheikh is sleeping with one of the women in his harem, when she says, "Sheikh, could you put it in my mouth?"

The Sheikh denies, saying "I cannot, for your mouth is where 'Allahu Akbar' comes from".

She nods, understanding.

A little bit later she says, "Sheikh, could you pu...

A joke I heard from my pastor last sunday

A Buddhist, a Muslim and a Christian quarrels over whose god is the most powerful. They eventually decided to have a competition by showing that their god can save them from a grave danger.

So they all went to the edge of a cliff. The buddhist said "I will jump off this cliff but as I call t...

I have a Muslim friend with a Note 7...

It only gets awkward when he shouts "Allahu Akbar" when plugging it in.

If the ISIS decided to suicide bomb in Hawaii

will they shout "allahu akbar" or "aloha akbar?

What came before the Big Bang?

"Allahu Akbar!"

My father died on 9/11, I will never forget his last words

Allahu Akbar.

[Do keep in mind that this is not my joke, I just want to spread laughs]

Explosive knock knock joke

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Allah"
"Allah who?"
"ALLAHU AKBAR!"

A magicians last trick

A magician stood in front of a crowd. "For this last trick I will make myself appear in 100 different places around this very room" said the magician. The crowd watched in disbelief. "3...2...1...abracadabra". Yet the magician was still there. "Hmm let me try that again 3...2...1...abracadabra". Not...

Jafar

my name is jafar

i come from afar

there's a Note 7 in my car

allahu akbar

"Mommy, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Allahu Akbar, honey.

What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

"Allahu Akbar!"


I'm going to hell for this.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I went to get a protein snack in Iraq...

But they only had fucking allahu akbars

Me: Knock knock

Friend: Who's there?

Me: Allah

Friend: Allah who?

Me: You're expecting me to say allahu akbar, don't you? But it doesn't make sense because muslims don't great each other that way and a terrorist wouldn't bother to knock on the door. In any case, why are you expecting a joke abo...

A few days ago i saw an amazing magician...

When he opened his jacket and screamed Allahu Akbar he disappeared along with 30 others.

An Omegle conversation

Me: My dad died on this day in 2001, he called me to say 2 words before dying.
Stranger: Ohh, that's so sweet! What were his words?
Me: Allahu Akbar

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