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2x4 Jokes

What did the plywood say to the 2x4?

I’m board

What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

mourning wood

I just saw someone had set up a little wedding chapel in their front yard.

It had a tasteful little altar, a lattice arch covered in white roses, the whole deal. The only thing I didn't understand was a vertical length of 2x4 lumber, placed in a hole in the ground so it stuck three feet high. Just then, I noticed someone who lived there open the front door and start wal...

A guy walks into a lumber yard and orders some 2x4’s. Clerk asks how long he needs them.

“A long time” he says.
“We’re building a house”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got jumped by a gang the other day. The saying, "There's strength in numbers" is true.

I beat the ever-living shit out of them with a 2x4 !

Blonde and the insemination man

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a

Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,

the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to
impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above
where the cow's stall is in the barn. ...

The wife and I were playing a friendly math game last night

She thought she had me but I beat her with a 2x4

How do you kill a cat with 16 lives?

You run it over with a 4x4.

Bonus joke.

How do you kill a cat with 8 lives at home depot?

You hit it with a 2x4

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite Halloween joke

So a black man and his wife were invited to a halloween costume party. The man being a very busy person when it came to work tells his wife "Look I need you to buy me a costume for the party since I'm busy with work." She agrees and he goes off to work as usual.

He comes home that night and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Costume Party

A couple is excited about a costume party they have just been invited to. The husband, who is black, asked his wife to just pick up a costume for him since he’ll be too busy at work to get one himself. She excitedly agrees.

The next day, he comes home and finds a Batman suit waiting for h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Muff Puff

So there was this married couple and the husband was a drunk. He would constantly drink and end up get abusive towards his wife.

So one day the wife gets fed up and decides she is going to go to the pet store and get something that will help defend herself. When she gets to the store an empl...

Two blondes are building a house.

The first blonde is nailing nails into 2x4's. She'd pull a nail out of her bag, but would only nail it in if it was facing the right direction. Otherwise, she'd throw it behind her back.

The second blonde comes over to see her wasting nails.
"What do you think you're doing?!" she asked....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little old lady calls a carpet installation company to redo her living room carpeting...

Mitch arrives, takes measurements and begins work. He pulls out the old carpeting, sands the floor down and lays in the new carpet. It takes all day.

When he's finally done he notices a small lump under the carpet in one corner of the floor. "Ah, fuck. What the hell is this now?" he says. He...

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