A guy walks into a lumber yard and orders some 2x4’s. Clerk asks how long he needs them.

“A long time” he says.
“We’re building a house”

What did the plywood say to the 2x4?

I’m board

What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

mourning wood

Price of 2x4's : 9$. Price of some nails: 3.50$. Price of a hammer:15$

The world after a Crucifixion: Christless.

The price of lumber has gone up so much...

That the Feds confiscated a load of 2x4's buried in kilos of cocaine.

A construction worker.

A construction worker on his first day was tasked with picking up supplies from the lumberyard.


He walked into the office and said, "We need some 4x2s."


The clerk said, "You mean 2x4s, right?"


The worker said, "Let me go check,"

He went back to the truck, soo...

I just saw someone had set up a little wedding chapel in their front yard.

It had a tasteful little altar, a lattice arch covered in white roses, the whole deal. The only thing I didn't understand was a vertical length of 2x4 lumber, placed in a hole in the ground so it stuck three feet high. Just then, I noticed someone who lived there open the front door and start wal...

Blonde and the insemination man

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a

Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,

the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to
impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above
where the cow's stall is in the barn. ...

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I got jumped by a gang the other day. The saying, "There's strength in numbers" is true.

I beat the ever-living shit out of them with a 2x4 !

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A little old lady calls a carpet installation company to redo her living room carpeting...

Mitch arrives, takes measurements and begins work. He pulls out the old carpeting, sands the floor down and lays in the new carpet. It takes all day.

When he's finally done he notices a small lump under the carpet in one corner of the floor. "Ah, fuck. What the hell is this now?" he says. He...

How do you kill a cat with 16 lives?

You run it over with a 4x4.

Bonus joke.

How do you kill a cat with 8 lives at home depot?

You hit it with a 2x4

The wife and I were playing a friendly math game last night

She thought she had me but I beat her with a 2x4

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My favorite Halloween joke

So a black man and his wife were invited to a halloween costume party. The man being a very busy person when it came to work tells his wife "Look I need you to buy me a costume for the party since I'm busy with work." She agrees and he goes off to work as usual.

He comes home that night and ...

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The Muff Puff

So there was this married couple and the husband was a drunk. He would constantly drink and end up get abusive towards his wife.

So one day the wife gets fed up and decides she is going to go to the pet store and get something that will help defend herself. When she gets to the store an empl...

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The Costume Party

A couple is excited about a costume party they have just been invited to. The husband, who is black, asked his wife to just pick up a costume for him since he’ll be too busy at work to get one himself. She excitedly agrees.

The next day, he comes home and finds a Batman suit waiting for h...

Two blondes are building a house.

The first blonde is nailing nails into 2x4's. She'd pull a nail out of her bag, but would only nail it in if it was facing the right direction. Otherwise, she'd throw it behind her back.

The second blonde comes over to see her wasting nails.
"What do you think you're doing?!" she asked....

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