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280 Jokes

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 280 characters

So Trump can't tweet it..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun was chatting with Mother Superior.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."



"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder nun.



"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line t...

My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was

I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet

A man was pulled over on the side of the road for speeding.

The officer said, "Sir do you know why I pulled you over"

"No idea sir" the man replied.

"Well I've got you clocked here doing 78 mph, I'll need to see your license and registration"

Handing over his papers the man replies "Officer I had no idea I saw a sign that said 78 I thoug...

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

There are 280 Navy personnel on a destroyer when they leave for a cruise. Not a single one comes back....

...just 140 couples.

Top 5 highest Paid Black Actors

1. Terry Crews $800,000,000
2. Bill Cosby $400,000,000
3. Will Smith $350,000,000
4. Robert Downey Jr $300,000,000
5. Denzel Washington $280,000,000

The good news is Elon Musk is turning Twitter' headquarters into a homeless shelter

The bad news is, it can only house 280 characters, or less

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

My wife said I am going to cycle 10 miles every day to get my body back in shape, I said good girl go for it, I have noticed a massive difference after just 4 weeks.

She is 280 miles away.

The joke about the museum guide

Visitor: "How old is that Tyrannosaurus skeleton?"

Guide: "70,000,006 years."

Visitor: "Wow. How can you be so precise?"

Guide: "They told me it was 70,000,000 years old when I started working here."


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[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oh, Little Johnny.....at it again

One day, about a week prior to his birthday, Little Johnny’s dad asks, “Johnny, I know your birthday is coming up, and your mother and I really want it to be a good one, but with your mother losing her job recently, and the fact that we have a $280,000 mortgage, we may not be able to spend too much....

Customizable joke to make fun of any town

A little guy walks into a bar in <insert town> and says to the bartender, "You want to hear a <insert town> joke?

The bartender says, "Before you start, buddy, I want you to know that I am 6'2", 210 pounds and I am a native of <insert town>. See that guy coming out of the b...

I reeled in a 6 foot 1 inch catfish

That weighed 280 lbs on Tinder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW/ A white guy is waiting in an elevator and a big black guy walks in on the next floor

The white guy stares and is astonished by how big this dude is. The black guy notices him staring. A minute goes by and the black guy says, “6’ 8”....... 280........ 13 inches...... Turner Brown”.

The white guy passes out and falls on the ground.

He is awoken by the black guy asking ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The story of Turner Brown (language sorta NSFW)

This short, tiny guy is riding in an elevator. Elevator stops and this big, tall, burly sumbitch gets in.

Big guy looks down at the little guy and says "Six foot eight, 280 pounds, twenty inch dick, ten pound left ball, ten pound right ball. Turner Brown" and sticks out his hand.

Littl...

So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions..

she walks in and says "How do I get to 280?"

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Adult] An accountant is sent to prison for tax fraud...

As soon as he is escorted to his cell he is confronted by his new cellmate - 6'3" tall, 280 lbs of muscles... the skinny little accountant realizes all of his fears have come true. His new cellmate towers over him and says "Looks like you and me are gonna be here a long time... wouldn't you agree, b...

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