Your Name Jokes - 85 Hilarious Your Name Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s your name son?

The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful woman sat next to a man on a plane. After some small talk, the woman admitted that she was getting treatment for sex addiction. "I am doing great, my only remaining issue is I can't resist cowboys and Italian men. By the way, I never caught your name."

"My name is Big Tex Marconi, great to meet you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s Your Name, Sailor?

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him,

\-“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”

\- “John,” the new seaman replied.

\- “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call a...

Mohammad, a child of Arab parents was enrolled in a school in New York. On the first day, his teacher asked, ‘What is your name?’ The boy replied, ‘Mohammad’.

‘From now on your name is Harry as you are in America,’ she said.

In the evening, when he came back, his mother asked, ‘How was your day Mohammad?’ He said, ‘My name is not Mohammad. I’m in America and my name is Harry.’ His mother slapped him and said angrily: ‘Aren’t you ashamed of trying t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Good morning Sir, what’s your name?” “M...M...M...Michael...”

"Oh, I see, you are a stammerer, I am sorry for that!"

"Well no, actually my father was... but the registry office guy was a son of a bitch"

A guy is at a talent show and says, “just to make sure everything is working, if your name is Michael please stand up”. Then, a couple of dudes stand up and he says,

“that concludes the mike check”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I said to a blonde girl, I bet you a blowjob I can sing a song with your name in it, no way says the blonde my name is Chantelle, so I bet you, Ok I said here we go....

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Chantelle happy blow job for me...

If your name is Mike please let me know below

*edit, this concludes the Mike check.

My friends think that your name represents what you should do in life. Dina worked to find a dinosaur fossil, and Jack became a lumberjack,

We don’t talk about Cliff.

“What’s your name?" asked a policeman when he stopped me.

"Bartholomew." I said.

"And your last name?" he continued.

"It's always been Bartholomew." I said.

Me: Hey babe, I’ve got a huge throbbing hard-on with your name on it!

Her: Are you sure it isn't just my initials?

"Invent a clever line, and forever your name lives on."

*(-Anonymous)*

What’s your name? When did you get here? Do you want copper, bronze or tin?

Justin.

Is your name Jasmine?

Because you've always got Aladdin side you.

Tell me your name and I guarantee you I can sing you a song with your name in it

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear _____, happy birthday to you.

When you are in the kitchen you don't hear anything except your name

George is a house boy who drinks his boss' wine and then adds water for cover up. His boss became suspicious and decided to buy pasties ( A french wine that change colour if water added).

As usual, George drank the pasties and topped it up with water. Unfortunately for him, the pasties c...

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name...

...and you’ve never been to that bar before.

*Courtesy of Zack Galifianakis*

Hey beautiful, is your name C#...

Because I see you resolving on this D

"Tony, can you spell your name backwards?"

Tony: sure... y not

Hey girl is your name Karl Marx?

Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes

I was in Starbucks today and when I gave my order to the guy behind the counter, he said "What's your name?"

...I replied "No it isn't!"

An angry robber at a Russian bank threatens to kill everyone. Goes up to a teller "I'm gonna kill you! I'm so angry. What's your name?"

"Olga," replies the terrified teller.
"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, my mother's name was Olga"
Turns to a 6'4'' security guard
"I'm gonna kill you then. What's your name?"
Guard: "My name is Boris, but my friends call me Olga"

Is your name Area Fifty-One?

Because I wanna storm your private areas

What's your name

Dude 1: Hey, my name is John Jacob Jinglehimer schmidt, what's your name?

Dude 2: Ok, look, you're not gonna believe this...

What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold down the pillow long enough.

Ordering at Starbucks. Employee: Your name please. Man: Stephen with a ph

Pheteven it is.

Write a wise saying and your name will live on.

----Anonymous

Hey girl, is your name Delorian?

Because I want to ride you from time to time

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!

asked the Killer

Lily: M-My name is Lily..

Killer: Okay, you've the same name as my mom, I'll let you live. How about you ?!

Marshall: I'm Marshall but my friends call me Lily!

Damn girl, is your name Christianity?

Cause I wanna spread you. Whatever means necessary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What Is Your Name

A man asked a woman her name. Carmen, I named myself because I love cars and men.

The man said Daaammmnnnn......I named myself also........Hi my name is........BeerFuck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats your name?

An attractive woman arrives at a party. While scanning the guests she spots an interesting looking man standing alone. She approaches him and says "Hello, my name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name" he says, "is it a family name?"
"No", she replies. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myse...

What's your name?

A cop pulls a guy over and asks for his license and registration.

The driver responds, "I don't have a license or registration, Officer."

"Tell me your name then," the cop demands.

"Mr. Kret," the driver says.

"TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME," the officer barks, sufficiently ...

Teacher: Simon, can you say your name backwards?

Simon replies: “No Mis”

A judge asks the defendant, what is your name?

Mr. Fallcharges your honor. First name Freo.

So you're Freo Fallcharges.

Okay thanks, I am going to get going.

I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread the other day

Then when I looked again it said ‘thick cut’

"Spirit, what is your name!?"

Spirit: WAAAHHHH.

Me: Goddammit, this is a Waluouija board!

How did you get your name?

A grade school meets her new class at the start of the year and starts asking them their names.

She goes to the first child, “What is your name?”
The girl replied, “Lilly”.
The teacher says, “That’s a lovely name, how did you get your name?”
The girl replied, “Because when I was born...

Waiter: Can I take your name and order?

Man: I'm Jon and I'll have a coke

Waiter: We only serve Pepsi I'm afraid

Man: Oh ok I'm Pepsi and I'll have a coke

Waiter: ok man

I put your name on my alarm clock...

every time I wake up I get to smash you

Hey girl, is your name Colin Kaepernick?

Cause I got a feeling I'm gonna see you on one or more knees tonight.

Hey is your name Waluigi?

Cuz u aren't going to smash

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's your name?

A guy sitting at the bar is making small talk with the cute barmaid
He asks her what her name is, and she replies "Carmen"

"That's a pretty name" he says, "did your mother give it to you?"

"No, I picked it myself", she says.

"Interesting... so how did you come up with Carmen?...

Policeman: What's your name?

Man: The Wizard of Oz

Policeman: What is your FULL name?

Man: (mumbled) The Wizard of Ounces...

I like your name

Thanks I got it for my birthday

Damn girl, is your name Turbulence?

Cause I wanna shake on top of you for 30 seconds and make you nauseous

- what’s your name?

- it’s Lucas, without a “w”

- wait a minute. Lucas has no “w”.

- and what did I just say?

If your name is Fred and you live in Flint Michigan and you're about to smoke a bowl....

...does that mean you're freddy to get flint-stoned

When asked "Can I have your name?"

"No.... What the hell is wrong with yours?"

They say that a good thing to do when you're going down on a woman is to spell your name.

But I don't want her to know it.

I read an interesting sociology paper about how your name can affect your career choices.

Written By Prof. Nominative Determinism.

When you hear somebody shout your name after you have just left pee on the toilet seat,

You know urine trouble

Is your name google ?

Because you have everything I am searching for!

"Sir, we were unable to find your room. What did you say your name was again?"

"Highlander. There should be only one."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

LPT: If you've been convicted of a sex crime, change your name to offender.dll

Then no one will be able to find you in the registry.

Is your name Jingle Bells?

Because you look like you go all the way

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"What's your name?"

"Colin Fucking Wilson."

"Have you got Tourrettes?"

"No, but the Vicar at my Christening did."

If your name is Paul...

(If you beat somebody in any way). Are you a flower? CAUSE YOU JUST GOT PAULINATED!

So I see your name is tiff

I should hook you up with my friend gif, he's just like you only a little more animated

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's your name?

A man was at a bar when a beautiful woman walked up to him to say hello. He asks her name to which she says Jane. She asked his name, he said, Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Fa fa fa fa fa el el el el el el. "Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't aware you had a speech impediment!" she says to him. "Oh my no, I speak just fine. M...

Hey baby, is your name Polio?

Because I am stiff below the waist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterd...

One day death came to a Guy and said, Hey, today is your last day.

Guy: But I'm not ready!

Death said, "Well today your name is the first on my list."

Guy: Okay then why don't you take a seat and we will drink a COFFEE before we go?

Death: All right.

The Guy gave Death some COFFEE with sleeping pills in it. Death finished COFFEE and fell...

This joke killed when I was a kid. Let me know how it holds up.

One time 3 boys went to the mall, their names were Trouble, Shut Up and Be Quiet.

While at the mall Trouble got lost. The other boys went up to a police officer and told him their brother was lost.

The officer asked "what are your name?"

The boys responded "Shut Up and Be Quiet"...

A burglar breaks into a house. He begins to search the home for valuables when hears a quiet voice say

“Jesus is watching you” he dismisses it as paranoia and carries on with his crime. He hears the voice again “Jesus is watching you”. He’s knows this time it’s not in his head so he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner. He walks over to the parrot and it repeats one more time “Jesus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the doctors' this morning...

"It's my testicles, doctor." I told her. "One of them isn't normal."

"Excuse me?" She said, rather abruptly. "Are these your certificates on the wall? Did you spend the best part of a decade earning a medical degree? Is that your name on this office door? Are YOU a doctor?"

"Err, n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If y...

The first student walks into the room, where he will take an oral history test.

The teacher asked, "Who is the father of communism?"

The first student replied, "Karl Marx."

The teacher asked, "In what year?"

The first student replied, "1848."

The teacher asked, "Are ghosts real?"

The first student replied, "The Party says no, the people say ye...

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

I'll try to translate a joke from my language..

So this blonde goes to the Doctor for a checkup so doc starts asking her:

Age? She starts counting using her fingers, says 22 !

Height? She sees a measuring type of about 5 meters, takes it barely gets to measuring and says 1.75

Then the Doc says, ok could I have your FIRSt nam...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump was asked " what is 2+2"??

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'Sir!, What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Ad...

Two boys were doing an exam.

First boy entered, and the teacher asked him:

"Who was the first Black president of USA?"

"Barack Obama."

"When did World War II begin?"

"1939."

"Do aliens exist?"

"It isn't scientifically proven."

The boy exists with good result and says to the other...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a frog walks into a bank.

So a frog walks into a bank and he goes to the front desk. He looks at the person at the front desk’s name tag, its says “Mrs. Patty Whack”

“Can I help you” she says.

“Yes I would like a loan” said the frog.

“A loan? What does a frog need a loan for “

“I would like to...

A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building

So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.

The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.

...

A man approaches an ancient temple seeking enlightenment

He hails the monk guarding the gate, "I have come to seek enlightenment for I know nothing"

The monk perks up, "Greetings, what is your name traveler?"

The man smiles, "I am Steve"

The monk laughs, "Lying so soon?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mailman is delivering the mail to one of the houses on his route when he and the woman who lives there begin chatting. As the conversation continues, he notices a sheet hanging up in the middle of the living room with a small hole in it.

The mailman says, “So, may I ask what’s with the sheet hanging up?” She says, “Ahh yes. Last night we had a bunch of folks over and decided to play a game. The men got on one side of the sheet and the women got on the other. The men took turns putting their cocks in the hole and then the women would...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lady on a plane

Was reading Cosmo, and a guy sitting next to her asks her, "Are you reading anything interesting?" She says it says men with the longest penises are native American." He says that is very interesting. The lady says it also says Jewish men have the thickest penises. She says I'm sorry I didn't get ...

Extra seats

A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theater. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.

“Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?”

The man groans, but remains seated. The usher becoming impatient with the man, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] A gorgeous bartender puts up a sign that says “Men: ask me about your beards”

The first day a man walks up to the bar, orders his drink, then inquires about the sign. “What did you wanna know about my beard?”, the man with a long fluffy beard asks.

“Well darlin, I’m lookin’ for a special kind of man”, the bartender says. “The kind that can tickle the inside of my thig...

One day while a cowboy was building a barn.....

he lost his favorite book. A week later, one of his horses came up to him holding the book in its mouth. The cowboy was stunned. He took the book from the horse and said, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not exactly,” said the horse. “Your name is written inside.”

Stalin is visiting a Young Pioneer camp.

He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?"

"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.

"So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?"

"My mother is the Great Soviet Country!"

"Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?"

"My father is the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the li...

2 Russians are robbing a bank...

2 Russians are robbing a bank... Everything went successful, quickly and silently. However, before existing the bank, one Russian stops another one: "Hey, what kind of a robbery is it if no one got injured or killed?"

Russian 2: "You're right, kill that woman that's sitting over there!"
...

A sergeant major is inspecting his troops one morning when he sees a new soldier he doesn't recognize

"Hey, you! Soldier! Get over here! What's your name?"

"John."

"John?! What the hell kind of army do you think this is? John! I never call my soldiers by their first names. It breeds familiarity and leads to a breakdown in discipline. I only ever call my soldiers by their last names: Sm...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.