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Window Clean Jokes

Politics is like window cleaning...

...the dirt is always on the other side!

A man with window cleaning gear knocks at the door.

An elderly woman opens.

"Did you order window cleaning service?"

"Yes. Come on in!"

A few minutes later a man with window cleaning gear knocks at the door.

"Good morning young man. Did you come to clean my windows?"

"Yes"

"That is very kind of you but your c...

My dad asked me why I chose to take up window cleaning as a profession.

I told him it was the only job I could really see myself doing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy's last will...

Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast.
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak:

"My...

A family gather round the death bed of grandad, his solicitor arrives as the man is able to read out his will:

'To my daughter, I leave my Kensington properties says grandad'

'To my son, I leave my Richmond properties'

'Finally, as I have the most properties in Windsor and Ascot, I leave these for the grandchildren'

The solicitor turns to the grandmother and quietly whispers 'My god, I n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young girl started work in the village chemist shop.

She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.

She had to confide in him her worries about selling the condoms.

"Look," he said. "My regular customers don't a...

A Irishman is on his deathbed with a priest by his side.

The Irishman is surrounded by his wife, his two children and a priest and as he feels death near, states his will.
He says to his wife Mary,
"My dear wife, you are the love of my life, so you shall receive the houses in Belfast"
He says to his son Tim,
"Tim, you were always a good lad, s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys are knocking on heavens door. (Sorry for my english)

After a few minutes Petrus comes, wearing his cozy pyjamas, saying: "Guys its late, i need to get some rest, we are closed for today."
"Ehm Petrus", one man replied, "we are kinda dead so please open the door."
Petrus sighs. "Ok, each one of you tells me the story of his death, and if ...

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building...

and there's a massive storm outside. Gale force winds.

One man turns to the other and says:
"You know Mac, the wind is so strong right now, I bet you could jump out the window, and the wind would carry you gently down onto that window cleaning platform on the other side of the building, 20...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys are standing at the heaven's gate...

...God is coming to the entrance, yawning.

> "Sorry guys, we're closed."

One guy replies:

> "Wait, what? But we're dead!"


God replies:

> "Doesn't matter. You know what? If you can tell me a funny story of how you died, I'll let you in."

The fi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men stand before the heavens gate...

Petrus comes out with a hangover and says:,, Guys im really not in the mood for that shit please come back tomorrow.'' The three men protest and after a long disussion Petrus finally gives in and says: Ok, if you tell me the story how you died and i find it funny yu can come in.'' The first man star...

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