Waddled Jokes

A penguin was driving through Vegas when suddenly his car stopped working so he had it towed to the nearest mechanic.

When he got there the mechanic told him it could take an hour or two to find out what is wrong with his car. The penguin was getting hot so he asked the mechanic where he coul... read more

And he said to woman running the store

"Hey, got any bread?"

The woman said,

"No we just sell cakes. But they're warm and they're fresh and they're all home-made. Can I get you a few?"

The duck said,

"Cake won't do."

Then he waddled away...

'Til the v... read more

A farmer's chicken waddled over to the neighboring farm and laid an egg. When the chicken's owner saw this, he went over to collect his egg. He figured, "my chicken, my eggs." But the other farmer challenged him, saying, "nope, that's my egg. Got laud on my property, so it's mine." After some bicker... read more

Every night these three ducks would sneak in and splash around, keeping John up at night.

Eventually, John got sick of it and called the police on the ducks.

They were brought before the judge the next day.

"Alright," the Judge said. "What I need you to do is walk up here and st... read more

I couldnt find toilet paper anywhere at Walmart, so I finally found an associate wearing the signature yellow vest, and asked, " Is there toilet paper anywhere in this store?"

She looked me up and down and said, "We've been out of toilet paper for over a week."

Imagine my embarrassment... read more

One day they got into trouble and were sent to Bob, the duck who was in charge of the pond.
The first one stepped up in front of Bob and looked shamefaced.


Bob asked, "What’s your name?"

The little duck replied, "Duck."

"Why did you get sent to me?" queried Bob.

... read more

"What can $5 get me?" he asked the lady inside.

"Let's see.. well, I can give you a penguin job," she replied.

The call girl unzips the man's pants and leaves them around his ankles, and goes to work with her mouth.

"Oh wow, this is fantastic, you sure know what you're doi... read more

A penguin was driving through town and started hear a knock in the engine so he pulled into an auto shop to get it checked out. While the mechanics were busy under the hood the penguin spotted a Dairy Queen across the street. He waddled over and got himself a soft serve ice cream cone, enjoying the ... read more

Suddenly a loud voice said:

- Man, are you hunchbacked?

- Yes, I'm hunchbacked

- No man, you're not hunchbacked!!!

- No, I'm hunchbacked!

- No man, you're not hunchbacked!

A man run home, looked at the mirror, but there really was no hump.
Full of joy he ... read more

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the... read more

...to figure out why his truck keeps making such weird noises as he goes down the highway. When he arrived, the mechanic said that he'd take a look and it'd be about a half hour wait.

"Well that's okay," the penguin muttered to himself as he walked out of the shop, "I can find something to... read more

A bunch of chickens were in the yard when a football flew over the fence and landed in their midst.

A rooster waddled over, studied it, then said, "I'm not complaining, girls, but look at the work they are turning out next door."

The day James Wright is set to be executed his best friend waddled home and told his wife

"I don't want to hear about it, Wright was my best bud but I just want to go take a bath and have one night without the news or any senseless nagging"

His wife understads and says she'll put his... read more

During the Cold War, the Soviets and the Americans decided that nuclear brinkmanship was not sustainable. So they agreed to settle the question of world hegemony once and for all with a good old-fashioned dog fight - the parties had one year to prepare.

The top scientist of both nations worke... read more

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined.... read more

There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.

Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He g... read more

This was my grandpa's favorite joke, I had to share it here.

A penguin was driving down a desert freeway during a very hot summer. The penguin didn't mind the heat outside, because it had fantastic air conditioning in its car.

...until its car broke down. Luckily, there was a pay... read more