UPJOKE
disobligingunhelpfulunaccommodatingdisobedientuntrustworthyincompetentuncommunicativeunresponsiveineffectualunprofessionaltightfistedabusiverefractoryreticentreluctant

What did the field medic say to the uncooperative wounded soldier?

Suture self.

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

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