UPJOKE
dubiousunimpressedunmovedscepticalunconcernedunfazedhopefulperplexedunnervedundeterredsanguineunsatisfiedpessimisticdistrustfulnoncommittal

Unconvinced Jokes

An older joke but a good one- A frog goes into the bank…

and hops up to a teller. He can see from her name plate that she is called Patricia Whack,
so he says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000, please."
The teller asks for his name and the frog replies that he is Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger, and a personal friend of the bank manager. Unc...

My friend was unconvinced when I told him someone keeps stealing soil from his allotment.

I thought he’d lost the plot.

Now someone keeps adding more and more.

The plot thickens.

A Russian spy is in the UK

A Russian spy is in the UK trying to dig up dirt on an MP.

He walks into a pub, sits next to the MP and orders a drink. He tries to start up a conversation but the MP says he knows he's a spy.

"Of course I'm not a spy, I can sing the whole British anthem", he then sings every verse per...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shaggy dog story…

Rudolf, the high ranking communist and his wife are asleep in their dacha outside Moscow. A noise on roof wakes her up. Wife says ‘there’s something moving around on our roof. I heard a plop then a clink‘.

Rudolf says ‘don’t worry dear, it’s just the first large raindrops’. Wife mumbles uncon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy rides up to the saloon..

He stopped his horse at the hitching post and climbed off. "Good girl, Betsy, you have a rest." He said, and gave the horse's neck a good scratch.
He patted its side and walked to the rear. After tidying some twigs from the tail, he lifted it up and gave the horse a huge, lingering kiss on the ar...

A drunk man is stumbling around outside...

He smells of beer and looks absolutely plastered. A priest walks by and asks him why he's getting drunk so early in the day. The man wobbles a bit and belches out "Why, I'm your lord and savior". The priest is, obviously, unconvinced and begins to walk away. The drunk calls out "Look, I'll prove it!...

Four rabbis get into an argument

One rabbi claimed that he knew what a bible passage meant, but the other three thought he was wrong.

The lone rabbi asked God for a sign that he is right, and behold, it began to rain! However, the other rabbis were unconvinced, thinking "it was only a coincidence and didn't prove anything."<...

Monster under the bed

Jim hears his son call his name, so he walks in his sons room. Jim's son, Howard says with a tremble in his voice, "Dad, there's a monster under my bed." Jim unconvinced walks to his son's bed and looks underneath. There he sees his son crying and startled as he whispers, "Dad, there's a monster sle...

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"

Unconvinced, I replied, "Surely, you must be Joe."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I suggested to a friend that we take up bird watching

He remained unconvinced until I showed him a photo of a nice pair of tits.

Follow the rules

A large corporation with expansive grounds interviewed a tribe of reformed cannibals for the outdoor maintenance positions. During the interview process, they were told, "You'll receive full benefits as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody, which would result in immediate dismissal and c...

A business was looking for office help and puts a sign on the window

The sign reads: "HELP WANTED: We are an equal opportunity employer looking for someone good with computers, Word, Excel and is bilingual"

One day a dog walks up, sees the sign and goes inside. He looks at the receptionist, looks back at the sign and barks.

Figuring out what the dog ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apples to Apples

A man walks up to a fruit stand and sees a sign indicating '*Apples: 6 for $20*'. He looks at the vendor and says, "What kind of a deal is that?". The vendor replied, "Sir, they taste like three different flavors on each side: apple, orange and banana. Try one". Unconvinced the man takes a bite ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Employee Is Called Into His Manager's Office

The manager sits him down and says "I have reports you have been using your computer for non-work-related activities."

"No sir, that simply isn't true," the man said.

"I have a lot of complaints about it though," the manager replied, unconvinced. "People say they see you playing solita...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Baby Polar Bear had a question for his dad

"Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Hos dad smiled and responded "Baby Polar Bear, your mom is 100% polar bear, and I am too. Grandma and Grandpa are 100% as well. You are definitely 100% polar bear."

Unconvinced, Baby Polar Bear went to his mom. "Mom, am I 100% polar bear?" Mom grinned lovingly and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

A message to the people of the Moon

In 1968, NASA was testing equipment to be used for Moon missions. They went to the Arizona desert to perform their tests.

While tests were in progress, an old Chief approached a NASA engineer to ask questions through his grandson, acting as interpreter.

"The Chief wants to know what ex...

A middle-aged man walks into a pharmacy...

...and asks, slightly embarrassed, the pharmacists: "Lately I'm having trouble achieving an erection, could you maybe give me something to fix the situation?". The pharmacists quickly grabs a pill and says: "You're lucky, this new pill came out just this week and works great, it's really a miracle d...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.