Thinner Jokes

It didn't work

So the distance between the two is still the same

People get heavier, thicker, and slower.

But a terrible palate cleanser.

.....but that didn't seem to cheer her up

Apples ideas.

I also learned whiskey is not an acceptable generic substitute.

(accidentally also posted this in r/funny)

The toilet paper at my workplace or my will to live

I know! I had my appendix removed!

Doctor put him on blood thinners.

A line of marathon runners

The air is just thinner up here is all.

A preacher noticed that his church was beginning to look somewhat dingy and could use a new coat of paint.  He asked for bids from several local outfits and selected a two-man firm which had given him the best price.

On the appointed day, the crew arrived.  Setting up their ... read more

He said he wanted to be a little thinner.

I told her I had noticed but hadn’t wanted to say anything..

She asked me where had I noticed it?

I told her that her mustache seemed thinner…

Paint thinner.

Doctor: "My Dear, you looked thinner and fatigued than the last time I saw you.
Did you follow my instruction to take 3 MEALS a Day?"

Girl: "Oh my God Doc! I thought you said 3 MALES a day!"

The job doesnt pay too well, so they wanted to save as much money as possible so they bought only as much paint as they thought was needed.

As they are getting close to finishing, they realized that they were not going to have enough paint left to finish the job. One of the men has the brill... read more

He wishes to experience German culture during the winter. So, he visits an ice rink. As soon as the man steps foot on the ice, the dog darts forward, excited about his new surroundings. The dog proceeds to fall through a thinner patch of ice. The man leaps forward to save his dog, but another man di... read more

When they started, the painters decided to paint the body of the church before painting the steeple. With the church completed and the steeple well along, paint was getting low and a thunderstorm loomed. To finish properly, they would need to climb down to the ground to get more paint. Alterna... read more

Bill was short of money and was out looking for a job. Paster Nelson offered Bill $500 to buy paint and paint the church. Bill went out, bought some paint and started painting the church.
He discovered that he was using more paint than he expected, so he added some thinner to the paint. The paint... read more

and one of his parishioners offers to do it, but he needs money to pick up the supplies. The pastor gives him some money, but when the time comes to paint the house, the parishioner finds he only has half the paint he needs. He figures, "I'll just water it down. It'll be fine." He does that, paints ... read more

Doctor: "So I prescribed you blood thinners last month, have you been taking them?"

Man: "No. I have a great reason why not though"

Doctor: "Aaah! The clot thickens!"

He goes to the doctor and expresses his concern but after she has him step on the scales the doctor advises him that he is a healthy weight.
The man still appears troubled and asks her if there is a significant weight difference between men and women. The doctor replies that there is but for a... read more

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender replies, "I'm sorry sir we don't serve string here, you are going to have to leave."

The piece of string then walks outside and ties his arms and legs around his neck and splits his head into thinner ... read more

Two friends, Mick and Dave, are having lunch over at Dave’s house when the conversation turns to postal delivery workers.


Dave, disgruntled about the subject, says “I order a lot of books to get delivered here daily, but I always get a slip saying that they missed me, even if I’m home to ... read more

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.
... read more

There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to ac... read more