UPJOKE

Think About It Jokes

You know, if you think about it....

The ocean is just constsntly humping the earth until it caves.

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When you think about it, a vagina is a lot like a university.

They're both a lot easier to get into, if you're rich or an athlete.

If you think about it, humans eat more bananas than monkeys

I mean have *you* ever eaten a monkey?

Think about it

The coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We're told no if we get too close to people. We get really excited for a car ride.

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Well, if ya think about it...

You get one of two reactions after sending someone a dick pick. It’s either:



“So long....” Or



“So long.”

If you think about it, walking is just falling

With extra steps!

If you think about it, Y is just a T

That your mom sat on

The more I think about it the more Murphy's law makes sense.

The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is indeed not to ask a question but to post the wrong answer.

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

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An American man went to his lawyer, pulled down his pants, started masturbating furiously and asked: "Doesn't this constitute free speech, if you think about it?"

"I see where you're coming from," replied the lawyer.

If you think about it, getting killed by the Zodiac Killer must suck…

Because imagine living your entire life up to that point just to be killed for being a Virgo.

Think about it...

...when you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.

When you think about it, a blood cell’s life is truly futile...

After all, its whole life is lived in vein.

If you think about it, Forgive me father for I have sinned

is basically just the catholic version of "I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty"

When you think about it, almost all chickens that live are just..

Pretenders

If you think about it we all litter

When we touch the floor

if you think about it, the absolute best name for an anti-diarrhea medication has already been taken.

Gonorrhea

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English parlimentarians and pornstars are not so different when you think about it

What do pornstars and English parliamentarians have in common?


They both love to wake up to BBC

Chicken restaurants are pretty redundant when you think about it...

They just trade one type of tender for another.

If you think about it, Futurama was an extremely progressive show.

Truly ahead of its time.

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If you think about it, every marriage is a same sex marriage...

You get married and its the same sex every single time...

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When you think about it, brushing your teeth and sex have a lot in common.

it’s good for your health, you do it before bed, and it doesn’t happen everyday.

If you think about it, we already have Time Machines.

They're called clocks.

If you think about it, Iron Man, under all that technology, the fancy clothes and the expensive jewellery...

He is just... Stark naked!

If you think about it we all start out Canadian

Drinking milk from bags.

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If you think about it, therapists and executioners have the same job.

Both of them really take a weight off your shoulders.

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

When you think about it, technically all Australian submarines are down under.

.............I'll let that sink in.

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I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

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Now that I think about it, I probably didn't need glasses for my butt.

I guess hindsight is 20/20

When you think about it , zombies are fixed humans .

You just turn them off and on .

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If you think about it, Bill Cosby got in trouble over pudding

Pudding his dick where it don't belong

A Duck was sitting on the side of the road, thinking about crossing it..

A chicken walks up to him and says, “don’t even think about it mate. You’ll never hear the end of it”

FM radio is the future! Just think about it, a trillion songs to listen to.

Nevermind, it's only playing the same 20 songs everyday.

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that ...

Mark says to John: "Can you believe that an Arab millionaire saw my wife and told me that he would pay her weight in gold?"

John: "I can't believe it, and what did you say?"
Mark: "I asked him if he could wait a month."
John: "So you can think about it?"
Mark: "No, to make her fat."

Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang"

I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

When I think about it, Gaston really was a peaceable chap...

It's a shame. He was a shoe in for the No-Belle prize.

I just invented a new telepathically controlled air freshener.

It might sound crazy, but it makes scents when you think about it.

The new job

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The officer wants to ask her a few questions...

Officer:
\- "What's 2+2"?

Blonde:
\- "Ummmmm... 4!"

Officer:
\- "What's the square root of 100?"

Blonde:...

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A woman is at her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf....

A priest was approached one night by Satan himself.

"Do not be frightened," said Satan. "I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear."

The priest was stunned. "Let me think about it for a few days."

The next morning, the priest requeste...

Did you all hear about the mind controlled air-freshener that Febreze is developing?

It's a bit crazy, but it makes scents when you think about it.

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