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The Cult Jokes

Did you hear the one about the cult meet and greet?

The punch line is a killer.

Hey, is the cult still going to sacrifice a divorcee to the volcano?

No, they'll give it a miss.

Why did the trout leave the cult?

They were too sacrifishal

What did the Cult of the Train summon?

Choochoolu

what did the cult leader replace his punch with to be more fall festive

sui-cider

Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!

Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the White House.

How many Scientologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

That depends on the amount of workforce initiated by the individual and the amount of money given to the cult.

Three Couples trying to join a cult...

The Cult leader tells the couples that while marriages are maintaned, abstinence, even in marriage, must be upheld.

The husband of the first, older, couple says "Well, we have been together for nearly 50 years and while we still love each other, any intimate part of our relationship was gone...

California hasn't fallen into the sea, so apparently it worked.

Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep crac...

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3 dudes stranded in an island

3 dudes stranded in an island. They are trying to survive together, unfortunately, there is a cult around there and the cult captures them right away. More for their despair, the cult leader is a human eater dude who loves sick stuff.

The leader gives 3 dudes a challenge. They will let them...

A Scotsman joins a cult on a farm.

On the night that they are to commit mass suicide, the cult members gather in the farmhouse livingroom, and the elders send the Scotsman on one final task.

A few minutes after the he leaves the room, the members hear a loud "Moo!" from the barn. Moments later, the Scotsman returns, zipping up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

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