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Stoners Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 stoners buy a horse

They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room.

One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they're stoned.

While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse.

They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke fro...

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they get

What's a stoners favorite kind of coffee?

Iced Mocha Latte

how do stoners propose?

"Marriage, you wanna?"

Two stoners crawl on rails

One of them says: "This ladder is so long"

Another one replies: "Don't worry, the elevator is coming"

How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Dude, look how big my hand is!

What do stoners call midday?

High noon.

What do stoners and arthritis have in common??

They both inflame joints.

What days do Canadian stoners like the best?

I'm pretty sure they're all fried, eh?

How do you call a group of stoners smoking weed on a live stream?

A pot-cast.

Mathematician stoners don't celebrate 4/20

They already celebrated 1/5

Where is a stoners favorite place to sit in a resturaunt

In the high chair

I lived with stoners in college and suffered terrible side effects...

For years afterward, I thought I was funny.

Why do stoners like bells so much?

BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!

What is a stoners favorite computer software?

Adoobe

How do IT stoners measure their edibles?

In gigglebites.

What’s it called when a bunch of stoners start working together?

A joint collaboration

Why do stoners make great couples?

They finish each others sandwiches.

What’s a stoners favorite Star Wars movie?

The Hempire Strikes Back

What does a stoners mouth and shirt have in common?

They are both 100% cotton

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

How did the stoners get to Woodstock?

They rode the canna-bus.

Why are stoners the worst storytellers?

Too many potholes!

How many stoners does it take to change a light bulb?

Wait, what?

What do stoners save up for?

Weedtirement

What do stoners ride to school?

The cannibus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was watching porn on my laptop when my roomate slapped his weed sticker on it so hard that it crashed.

Stickers and stoners can break my boners...

What do French stoners smoke?

Oui-d

Why do stoners love English?

Because it's lit

What is the name of a medieval castle for stoners?

Fort Wenty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So these two stoners were walking along....

...when they come across what appears to be a pile of dog shit. This sets off a discussion on the reality of the situation:

Stoner #1: Man, that looks like dog shit.

Stoner #2: I think you're right, dude. It does look like dog shit.

Stoner #1: You might want to smell it man, see...

What's a stoners favorite word?

Here! (Must be said like you are holding a hit in)

What is the first thing stoners do after getting married?

Roll their money into joint accounts.

A stoner goes into a pawn shop

He looks around for a little while and sees a TV he really likes, so he goes up to the pawn shop owner and says "excuse me sir I'd like to buy that TV over there" the pawn shop owner says "I don't sell to stoners get out!"

The stoner leaves and a week later returns to the pawn shop and says t...

Why do stoners make lousy poker players?

Because they keep smoking the pot.

How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, it's already LIT!

(Bonus:
-What do you call a stoner who recently broke up with his girlfriend?

-Homeless)

Why do stoners spend so much money?

because they’re high rollers

What happened to the marijuana when the stoners divorced?

They got joint custody

I just joined a gym for real serious stoners.

*24 Hour Litness*

Stoners everywhere are uniting to push for legalization of marijuana

It is a joint effort

What do you call two stoners sharing a joint over dessert?

Joint custardy

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