Spiderman Jokes - 63 Hilarious Spiderman Jokes

Why is spiderman so good at comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

Spiderman 1: Homecoming, Spiderman 2: Far from Home

Spiderman 3: Homeless

What's Spidermans side job?

Web developer

Guess who missed Spiderman Homecoming?

Uncle Ben.

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together

would they call it Amazon Web Services?

What is spidermans favorite road?

Peter parkway.

Why are Spiderman stickers the stickiest?

They don't peel so good.

Spiderman gets a job in the CIA. What does the officer tell him?

Spy-there-man

Why does Spiderman hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he’s a bad parallel Parker

Spiderman began using firearms a few days ago

Everyone told him that it's not a good idea but he is sticking to his guns

What is the one thing Spiderman can't eat?

Uncle Bens rice.

Why do the Avengers keep calling Spiderman over to fix their computer?

Because they heard he's a web developer

What would you call if spiderman starts jumping around buildings instead of swinging using his spider webs?

Peter Parkour

Spider bite created Spiderman. What would a dog's bite create?

Doberman.

Spiderman became a vigilante

Meanwhile, Aunt May became a vigil auntie.

What does Spiderman use when he wants to be stealthy?

The Dark Web

What do you call a Spiderman villain who eats a lot?

Green Gobblin'.

I am half Spiderman, half batman and half moon knight...

\- Poor
\- With no powers
\- With mental disorders

Why did Spiderman open a retirement account?

He wanted to turn his Spidey cents into Spidey dollars.

What's Spiderman's favorite hobby?

Web designer

So when Spiderman produces a white sticky substance it's "cool"

Why is it whenever I produce a white sticky substance I'm considered a "massive pervert"?

Sing this - Spiderman Spiderman

Does whatever dust can.
Doesn't feel good
with Stark's plan.
Keep him away
from the fan.

Look out! You might breathe him in.

Falls down, outta breath.
What's that he senses? Total Death.
WATCH OUT
Vanished like a spider can.

What is Spiderman's favorite song?

Dust in the Wind. He can really relate.

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

What do you get when you cross Iron Man with Spiderman?

Pony Park

The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.

For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.

I'm half Spiderman, half Batman

Half without superpower, half without money

What do you call spiderman after he lost his powers, but still jumps from building to building?

Peter Parkour

When we were children, we used to refer to our Grandad as Spiderman.

He didn't have any special powers, he just couldn't get out of the bath without any assistance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is bored...

...because of a lack of crime one day. He starts flying around looking for something to do when he sees Batman. He flies down to Batman and says "Hey Batman, there's no crime today and I'm bored. Do you wanna hang out?"

"I can't. The Batmobile is broken and I have to fix it. Mayby later."
...

Marvel is working on a Spiderman reboot for Greek audiences

Featuring the adventures of Pita Parker

Did you hear that Spiderman is in trouble with the law?

They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.

Spiderman found dead this morning

Police believe he commited insecticide

We used to call my grandad 'Spiderman.'

He didn't have any superpower or anything like that...He just struggled to get out of the bath.

Spiderman designed a new outfit that he can wear to formal occasions.

It's a class action suit.

What did Spiderman name his son?

Arachnakid.

Spiderman (Toby Maguire) wasn't funny a bit.

He was always terrible at delivery.

What disorder will Spiderman get as he ages?

Peter Parkinsons

We call our grandad Spiderman...

Not because he has superhuman powers, but because he can't get out of the bath.

Did you know that the internet was invented by Spiderman?

That's why it's called The World Wide Web.

If it had been invented by Superman, it would be called the World Wide Cape.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Spiderman's porn star name?

Pooter Porker

Why America failed to save the world from Coronavirus

Thor is in Asgard

Ironman died

Captain is now old

Hulk doesn't have much power. Rest of the Avengers are suffering from Corona and China ate Spiderman and Batman.

Why can’t Iron man wear Spiderman’s suit?

He’s dead

Why doesn't Spiderman have a data plan for his phone?

Because he's always connected to the web

Dr: "I have some good news and some bad news Spiderman. The good news is that the constant tingling sensation isn't your Spidey sense warning you of some huge, impending calamity!"

"What's the bad news Doc?"

"Well son, what do you know about genital herpes?"

I'm still waiting for the spiderman movie

Where spiderman falls and gets stuck in the bath for a week

Guess which Avenger paid the least taxes this year?

Spiderman, because his entire income was net income

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spiderman, Iron-man and Superman decided to check who has the strongest erection

Spiderman, Iron-man and Superman decided to check who has the strongest erection

 

Iron-man thinks about Pepper Potts hangs 5-gallon bucket on his shlong and walks 5 yards. Everybody praises him.

 

Spiderman thinks about Gwen Stacy hangs 20-gallon ke...

I have a lot in common with Spiderman

I too end up with sticky hands after using the web.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex & Superheroes

It's annual superheroes new year's party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting.

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.

"Whats up?" asked Batman.

"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moan...

I was quite flexible when I was younger

The kids used to call me Spiderman because my uncle was murdered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peter Parker was at home alone one day, when suddenly aunt may walks in on him masturbating.

I guess she was the first person to see Spiderman home coming.

The unlucky man

There was a very unlucky man , who whenever starts a job, they go bankrupt in a week, whenever he goes to a wedding, they get divorced in a month, whenever he buys a car, it get wrecked in days, ...etc

one day he decided to run away, thinking that even if he brings his bad luck abroad, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher asks all students of her class to learn 4 clauses before the next class next day.

Amit goes to his busy dad and says

Amit : Daddy Daddy. Can you please tell me a clause?

Dad : Shut up

Amit : Thank you Daddy

Next, Amit goes to his mom who is busy cleaning trash.

Amit : Mommy Mommy, Can you please tell me a clause?

Mom : Trash

Am...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) I'm not saying I jack off a lot...

but my computer looks like Spiderman saved it after it fell out of a window.

An Iranian on taking revenge on America ...

America has no hero that we can target... It's a huge country but no real heroes... Who are we going to assassinate there? Spiderman? SpongeBob?

Nothing like selling an old man your selfies in skin tight outfits, covering strangers with your sticky white goo, and taking compromising photos when they’re vulnerable.

I sure loved the old Spiderman movies.

stolen from comments of r/showerthoughts

What Marvel Superhero is the best at HTML?

Spiderman.

In an upcoming movie, Peter Parker brings the founder of Theranos to justice

They are calling it: "Spiderman: No way, Holmes"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's a slow day of crime in Metropolis...

...and Superman is bored to tears. So he decides to fly over to Gotham City to see what Batman is up to. He gets to the Batcave to find the Dark Knight underneath the Batmobile.
"Hey, Bruce," he says. "Whatcha up to today? Wanna get a couple beers, maybe watch the game?"
"Sorry man, I can't," ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman's day off

Superman has a very rare day off and decides to fly around to figure out how to spend it.

He flies over to Batman's place and approaches him. "Hey Batman, I have the day off want to hang out?". "Sorry Superman, I have to stop the Joker from killing my girlfriend". Superman replies, "Eh whatev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fungus that wants to fight you?

shit-talking mushroom

bonus:

yo mama so fat when she was falling spiderman had to use the world wide web

[oc] Halloween. Three boys knock on the door of an old lady.

They are in single file and stand there silently. She says to the first boy "Well? It is Halloween right? When you come to the door what do you say??". The boys start to chuckle as Spiderman mumbled "trick or treat?". He takes his candy in silence as the woman asks "now what do you say?". The boys l...

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