UPJOKE
cannabisbowlvaporizerbongjointbloodstreamlungssmokingcannabinoidbioavailabilitybluntchillumcigarettehashishcannabis foods

Smoke Weed Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to smoke weed and go to class...

Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.

I was the best teacher ever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot up ...

The cleaning lady at my office invited me to go smoke weed after work, but I told her no

I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women

What happens to you if you smoke weed in Afghanistan?

You get stoned

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fred, Velma, and Daphne don't smoke weed

But Shaggy and Scooby doobie do

I was gonna smoke weed with this Mexican girl

Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off.

Snoop Dogg has come up with a plan to smoke weed even after he dies.

He’ll be..rolling in his grave.

Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?

Because lightning strikes the highest object.

I heard that if you drink beer and smoke weed that you'll gain an extra 50 IQ points...

They call this phenomenon "Budweiser"

Finally found the perfect length of time to smoke weed

For twenty minutes

I used to smoke weed with a nun

One day we were blazing and she confessed to me that she always wore the same robe whenever she smoked weed. She said as soon as she finished smoking she'd go straight home, wash it, and hide it in the back of her closet.

I guess you could say she was ashamed of her drug habit.

My math teacher told me that I won't amount to anything because I smoke weed...

But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential!

Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name?

Or was Snoop Lyin'?

Edit: Just in case the king sees this, I got mad respect for you Dogg. Smoke weed everyday.

(His grandmother passed away recently, I'm just trying to be nice people.)

If you smoke weed before an eating contest

You're technically on performance enhancing drugs

If short people smoke weed ,

Do they get high or medium?

Why is it smarter to smoke weed than drink beer?

Because Budweiser

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw) How do jews smoke weed?

They puff puff passover

Dracula decides to target people who smoke weed

He tells the other vampires to search for them. "Find them all, look everywhere, leave no stoner unturned"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you smoke weed and masturbate...

... is it called weed whacking?

I drink, smoke weed, do speed

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

Why didn’t the Asian student smoke weed?

He was busy doing meth.

i definitely smoke weed too much

but i function very highly on it...........

So two guys are trying to find a place to smoke weed...

One of them suggest a field nearby where some cows are grazing. So they light up and are smoking when a police car turns on the sirens and pulls down the road. “What are we going to do?” says one of the guys. “Give the joint to the cow. When the cops get over here, they can’t arrest us because we ar...

I can’t stand bodybuilders who smoke weed.

They always act so high and mighty.

Why does Obi Wan Kenobi smoke weed?

Cause he is on the high ground

I just saw Pennywise smoke weed for the first time.

He said It blows.

Why did the lighter smoke weed?

He wanted to become a high-lighter.

I used to smoke weed in the 90's

Now I don't care what temperature it is

My friend punches me whenever I refuse to smoke weed with him

He’s given me blunt force trauma

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.