UPJOKE

A 4 Jokes

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Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are in their bedroom...

"You know what" says the 7 year old

" I think its time we start swearing. When we go down for breakfast i will swear first then you".

"Ok" Replies the 4 year old.

Mum asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.

" I will have Coco pops,bitch"

WHACK, he flew out...

I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone

"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"

"No" she sobbed

I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage

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A 6 year old & a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell & you say something with ass.” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
...

Why shouldn't you iron a 4 leaf clover?

You don't want to press your luck!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend says a 4" penis is just fine.

Still, I wish she didn't have one.

When I was younger one of my favorite jokes to tell was about a 4,000 lb. elephant. I tried to convert it to metric to share with the rest of the world.

But, it never got a laugh. Just these looks of mass confusion.

My father is a 4-star General in the Army.

Which means he has mostly favourable reviews on TripAdvisor.

So a guy finally got back his stolen Honda Prelude .... but the thief tried to turn it into a sedan... a 4 door Prelude.

His wife walks by the garage a couple days later, him and his brother have all 4 doors off, husband is trying to weld off the extra hinges.

She asks the brother, "Why is he putting all this work into it?"

The brother replies, "He's trying to recoup his loss".

what is a 4 person rock group that doesn't play music

mount rushmore

What’s the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: “Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat”
And the other goes: “Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh”

I've decided to adopt a 4 day work week

I really hope my boss doesn't find out.

What is a 4-letter word ending in U-N-T that a woman can usually be called?

Aunt

A 4’6” woman walks into a matchmaking service…

A 4’6” (137cm) woman walks into a matchmaking service.

She says to the man behind the counter, “I’m really insecure about my height, so the only thing I’m looking for in a partner is that he’s shorter than me.”

The man replies, “You’ve got really low standards.”

.

[OC, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a 6 year old and a 4 year old brother. It was the 6 year olds birthday that day. They wake up in the morning and...

The 6 year old says to his younger brother “Hey, I think today is the day we start using swear words around Mom. After all I’m 6 now.”

The younger brother starts getting excited and says, “Ok! What swear words should we use?!”

The older brother replies with, “I’m going to say hell, and...

Set up by a 4 year old

True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn’t know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it’s a baby that jumps.

Bear with me. I didn’t realize her literal answer was just a set up.

She then asked ...

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[NSFW] I just learned that to proportionally be hung like a horse, a 200 lbs man would need roughly a 4-inch dick.

So that means I only need to lose about 30 lbs and grow another inch, inch-and-a-half...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man had to be rushed to the ER because he had a 4# dumbbell shoved up his arse….

When they got it out, he grabbed it, shoved it back up his ass and yelled TWO! (And this fam is why you always wipe down the equipment)

If Hannibal Lecter ran a 4.3 40

The NFL would just say he has an eating disorder

What's the difference between a 4 year old and 4 kilos of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let 4 kilos of cocaine fall out of a 49th-story window.

I was at the courthouse today and witnessed a 4 foot tall felon go down a flight of stairs....

It was a little condescending.

My friend told me he bought a 4 foot snake

I told him that's a weird way to describe a lizard.

What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?

A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any genitals. A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber genital without any body.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a 4 year old and a 7 year old.

The 7 year old says, "Hey, let's say bad words!" The 4 year old says okay, so they go downstairs. They see their mom and she asks the boys what they want. The 7 year old says, "Give me some god damn Reese's Puffs." The mom slaps him and asks the 4 year old what he wants. The 4 year old says, "You be...

What is a 4 letter word that can be used to describe a particular type of woman which ends in U-N-T?

Aunt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said there's nothing wrong with having a 4 inch long penis...

But I'd prefer she didn't have one at all

What do you call a 4'11" fortune teller that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

I proposed to my girlfriend during a 4 day bender

She said “we got married yeterday!”

A 4 letter word for "talks nonstop"

I keep trying to enter girl, but it doesn't work.
I think the writers did this wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother is driving her 4 year old daughter around town...

when a dildo slams the windshield *THWAP* and bounces off. The daughter, being young and curious, asks, "What was that?". Not wanting to explain a dildo to a 4yo, the mother replies, "Just a bug." Daughter exclaims, "Wow mom, that bug had a huge dick!!".

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