I was once bitten by a rabid female deer.

Now, every time there's a full moon, I turn into a weredoe.

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"I'm the strongest man alive"

said the drunk man to the bartender.

"Oh really? Well we actually have our own local strongman competition, if you're interested. Keep in mind, it's a bit obscure. You up for it?"

"Psh. I can do anything," he slurs.

"Okay. Your first test is behind that door. You need to hogtie...

A military commander calls his soldiers and says: "the first one of you that gets rid of the mole in my garden will get a promotion!"

One of the soldiers goes in and catches it. "So now what do I do with it, sir?" Asks the soldier to the commander.

"Oh well..." said the commander, considering many options : "That mole made a hell of a mess in my garden... so please, punish it with the worst thing you can think of".

...

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A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar full of money sitting on the table.

Puzzled, he looks at the bartender before ordering a drink.

“Shit, is this the tip jar for today?”

The bartender, cleaning a glass, shakes his head before looking up at the man.

“No, that’s our prize money.”

“Prize money?” The man asked. “What competition did this bar com...

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.

They are lined up in front of three doors. The first is opened to reveal a swarm of wasps and mosquitoes. Satan's voice booms "Mr Obama you have sinned, and now you must spend all of eternity with these vile creations!" And with...

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So this guy walks into a bar...

...and walks up to the bartender. As he is ordering his drink, he sees a jar full of money in the counter.



He then asks the bartender what tha jar is all about, to which he replies with, "Oh, the jar is part of a challenge I decided to set up for the patrons of the bar. Winner takes a...

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A guy is sitting in a bar when he sees a jar full of $50 & $100 bills

He turns to the bartender and asks what the jar is all about.

“You can put a $50 or $100 bill in there and get it back as well as win all the money in the jar if you complete three tasks that I give you”

The guy says oh alright and continues drinking his beer. A while has passed now a...

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Guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, and notices a big jar full of money behind the counter.

He asks the bartender, “Hey man, what’s that jar? I bet there’s at least one grand in there!”

“Ah, you must be new here. It’s a challenge. If you put in fifty bucks, and then succeed at three tasks, you get all the money inside the jar.”

“Really? Man, what a tourist trap! Do people act...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sees this bucket of money on the bar and asks the bartender what’s up. Bartender tells him they have three tests laid out in order to win this money.

1. Drink this bottle of hot sauce.

2. There is a rabid dog outside with a toothache. Fix it.

3. There is a 72 year old, 450...

The challenges.

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. As he takes a seat, he notices a weird jar behind the bar counter labelled "The Challenges", that's full of cash. Intrigued by it, he asks the bartender what the jar is about.

"Oh, like the jar says, it's for The Challenges. You pay $10 to take them on....

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So a guy walks into a bar...

On the counter, he sees a jar full of money.

He asks the bartender, “How can I get that money?”

She answers, “It’s simple. First, you have to drink an entire bottle of whiskey all at once. Then, there is a rabid pit bull out back and you have to take out it’s achy tooth. Finally, ther...

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An off duty law enforcement officer is walking down a street in the USA...

and notices that an escaped rabid dog (on the illegal breed list) is on a rampage attacking shop fronts, with people panicking all over the place. This dog is very clearly about to attack a defenceless infant in a stroller.

Thinking quickly, the man pulls out his firearm and puts the dog down...

A true american hero.

A young woman is attacked by what apppears to be a rabid stray dog. Before the dog can injure her further, a young man steps in and starts fighting with the dog - Unfortunately though he is forced to kill it. Shortly after, a police officer who has been watching the scene rushes over.


"So...

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A guy walks into a bar

And asks the bartender for a drink. While he sits there he notices a jar full of money on the bar. Next to the jar is a sign that reads, "complete the challenge win the jar." the guy asks the bartender about the challenge. The bartender explains there are three parts that must be completed. First: D...

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Guy goes into a bar

A guy goes into a bar, sits down and orders himself a drink. The guy notices a jar filled with hundreds with the words "The Ultimate Challenge" written on it. He asks the bartender what that's all about. The bartender replies that you put one hundred dollars in the play the challenge and whoever co...

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A man walks into a bar.........

So a man walks into a local bar. As he walks in he notices a room to the right. This room had four inch plexiglass walls and a faint locking system. In this room it was stacked chest high in 100 dollar bills. He contemplates what it could possibly be for. As he sits down at the bar he asks for a dri...

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An elderly couple from Ohio are planning their 40th anniversary...

The couple, who were rabid basketball fans, had used the last 39 years to have an annual foray into their shared passion for the NBA. They went to games when they could, had gone to the Basketball Hall of Fame (four times so far), but usually just celebrated by getting each other neat collector's i...

Some guys are talking about pets...

They get to talking about how good big dogs are because they can make good guard dogs.

One of the guys says "I preferred my old chihuahua pebbles better. And no other dog made me feel safer! He died killing a rabid full grown doberman for me!"

The other guys are confused and ask how th...

So I was sitting in divorce court...

and I realized: its a shame a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of rabid wolves.


Yay Jack Handy.

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