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Public Restroom Jokes

Two educated men are in a public restroom

One finishes at the urinal and proceeds to walk out the bathroom door

"Hey!" the other man calls "What college do you go to?"

"Yale" the man replies

"Don't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" the other man says with a smirk

"What college do YOU go to?" he asks
...

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A morbidly obese guy goes into a public restroom to do his business

As he is standing there, a rather rude guy occupies the next urinal. The second guy looks over at the fist and in an extremely uncouth manner exclaims, "Holy shit!!! You are huge !!! How much do you weigh?"

The first guys says, "around 375."

Second guys says, "Damn, that's a lot!! When...

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A jewish man goes into a public restroom

He goes to the urinal as another man enters and starts using the urinal next to him. The other man looks over at him and asks, "Are you a Jew?"

"Why yes, I am," he replied.

"Are you circumcised?" The second man asked. A bit put off, the first man answered warily.

"A strange ques...

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Bob goes into a public restroom...

...and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms.

As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out.

Being a kind soul, Bob say...

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The color palette of most public restrooms in public beaches and forests is on the depressing earth-tones and brown side…

…I mean, shit.

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A sailor walks into a public restroom and up to

a urinal and as he begins to do his business, without fail a 10year-old boy walks in and sees and him he starts to shout, golly Gee Mr., golly are you really a sailor? The sailor looks down at the kid and says sure kid would you like to wear my hat? The boy responded with an excited golly Gee yes! S...

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Three men are in a public restroom

The first man, from Harvard, finishes his business at the urinal and walks to the sink. He uses plenty of soap and hot water and announces to the room, "At Harvard, they teach us that cleanliness is next to godliness."

The second man finishes and moves to the sink. He uses minimal soap and wa...

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The woodland critters decide to open a public restroom...

They all participate as best they can to build it, and Owl, the mayor of the woods gives it to the public. The next day as Owl is taking a stroll, he notices that one of the windows is smashed.

He calls an urgent meeting where all the animals gather together.

\- I am sorry for this bot...

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Three Men Were Using Urinals In a Public Restroom

The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job.
As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I lear...

I tried to use a public restroom today, but there was a waiting line

There was a bathroom stall for the bathroom stall

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I hate using public restrooms...

... because there always seems to be an asshole nearby.

I walked into a public restroom

and saw a guy staring into a filthy toilet with a quarter at the bottom. He stood there looking conflicted for a minute, then pulled a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and threw it into the toilet. Then he reached into the muck and pulled out the twenty dollar bill and the quarter.

I asked ...

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Two guys in a public restroom

Two men were using a public restroom urinal. The first man turns to the other and says "Hey, I know this is weird but I just had my penis tattooed for my girlfriend. Will you have a look and tell me if its alright?"
The second guy says "Okay lets see"
The first guy shows him his penis with the...

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Your odds of finding a clean public restroom..

..are literally a crap shoot.

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A man walks into a public restroom

... and finds another man staring down into the urinal trough. The first man steps up for a look and sees a $1 bill laying piss-soaked in the bottom of the urinal.

The two men lock eyes for a moment of mutual understanding. Then the first man reaches into his pocket, pulls out a $20 bill and...

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3 men enter a public restroom

All three stand at the urinals, doing their business.

The first shakes his final dribbles and zips up, then heads to the sink, where he proceeds to wash his hands thoroughly with soap and water - twice. As he is scrubbing away, he explains - "I'm from Wisconsin, and we have been taught to be ...

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A white man walks into a public restroom

He starts peeing in the urinal when a 7 foot tall, absolutely ripped black man walks in and starts peeing in the urinal next to him. Getting a little curious, the white man looks over and notices the black man has a tattoo on his dick that says 'Wendy'. The white man asks, "Why do you have 'Wendy' t...

I was in in the public restroom

I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No,...

I walked into a public restroom today, and there were two guys in there with syringes in their arms.

They must have been vaccinating themselves.

Respect.

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A dude is sitting in a public restroom stall, groaning and suffering from constipation...

when he hears another dude rush into another stall, followed by some very loud unloading.

"I'm so jealous of you" said the first dude. The other dude answers,

"Fuck you I haven't pulled down my pants yet."

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A man with no arms walks into a public restroom...

and comes up to the urinal. He looks to the guy at the urinal beside him and says, "Hey man, I know this is weird but I really need to pee and obviously I can't get my own dick out. Could you please help me out here." The other man, seeing there is no one else in the restroom, decides to be a good ...

What do you call someone who talks to others in public restrooms?

A urinarrator.

All the animals in the forest decided to be eco-friendly...

...and they built a public restroom. Then one day, the window of the restroom was broken. So all the animals got together in a public meeting. The wise owl who chaired the meeting asked who broke it. The little bunny raised his hand, and explained: "You see, I was sitting on the toilet, when from th...

A tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.

He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint British pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a few pints of stout.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants,...

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NSFW. A guy is trying to quit smoking

He tries out nicotine patches and they work great. He goes into a public restroom and sees another guy at the urinal with the same brand patch on his dick. He asks the man "Does that actually work?"

The man looks at him and replies, "Yes! Im down to two butts a day!"

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A guy is madly in love with his GF (long)

A guy is madly in love with his girlfriend. He decides to tattoo her name, Wendy, on his penis. When it is not erected, all you can see is W and Y. The first and last letters of her name.

When the guy went to the public restrooms he saw this huge black guy using the urinal next to him. Curiou...

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Marines and sailors (NSFW)

A Marine was walking through a park in his dress uniform to use the public restroom. Outside, sitting on a bench was a young boy, who asked, "Are you really a Marine?". The Marine responded, "I sure am. Would you like to wear my hat while I use the restroom?" The kid said, "I sure would!", so th...

Three young men walk into a bar and order a drink.

Three young men walk into a bar and order a drink. There is an older man sitting at a table in the corner who has clearly been drinking. He comes up to them and points to the man in the middle and says, "Hey you, I f***** your mom." He then goes back and sits down at his table.well the men are shock...

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A guy goes on his honeymoon...

...and is so excited that he gets this crazy idea to have his wife's name tattooed onto his dick. Her name is "Wendy" but when he isn't erect, all you can see is "Wy". Later on, he finds himself in a public restroom and couldn't help but notice that the guy next to him also had a "Wy" on his dick. ...

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Bathroom pun.

At the public restroom while having a bowel movement, I noticed my shoe was untied. A gentleman walked in the room and I stuck my foot out of the stall and asked him if he could help.
"Are you shitting me?" he asked.
"I shit, you knot." I replied.

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

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Nsfw long what's wrong with your dick?

A guy goes into a public restroom and sees a man gently weeping in front of a urinal. He asks him what's wrong, and realises the man has no arms.
"Well... I recently lost my arms in an accident and I'm having a hard time coping with it. It's my first day out of the hospital and I can't figure out...

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The Man and the Leprechaun

A man walks into a public restroom to relieve himself. The urinal is one of those long trench types without walls to separate people. The man unzips and assumes the position when in walks a very short red-bearded man wearing a green suit and green bowler hat with a clover in it. There was no mist...

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OC: By a hobo, to a hobo, about a hobo (a Melvin tale)

(This story was told to me by my friend Mondo, about our mutual friend Melvin. We're all hobos here, living on the streets in the affluent community of Roseville, California. If you're ever in the area and you see a frail old man carrying a massive green rucksack, give ol' Melvin a beer for me. He w...

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