UPJOKE
chasmabysmprecipicemaelstromoblivionshadowsanarchydarknessmorassdespairquicksandbrinkmireirrelevancedepths

Abyss Jokes

Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...

...and it looked away.

A 90 year old billionaire was dragged into the abyss by the tentacles of a Lovecraftian Old God...

It was an elder rich horror.

Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.

Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.

What do you call a sarcastic abyss?

A sar-chasm.

I used to worry about the ice cubes I’d kick into the abyss under the refrigerator.

But I figure, what the hell.

It’s old water under the fridge.

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men across the world from each other are doing completely different things: one is skywalking on a rope over an abyss, and another is getting a blowjob from a 90 year old. What are they both thinking?

Don't look down!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was time for the day of revelations. The Apocalypse.

The Lord said, "IS ALL IN PREPERATION?"

And his angels said, "Yes, oh, Alpha and Omega! Shall we break the seals?"

And the Lord said, "LET IT BE DONE."

Conquest, War, Famine and Death were then unleashed. As one, they asked in their terrible voices: "Shall we unleash the final ...

Nihilist Horse Walks in to a Bar

A Horse walks into a bar.
The Bartender sees such a vivid depth
of despair and dissatisfaction in the Horse's eyes,
like the Horse has stared into the abyss
and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep
that the Horse could no longer believe
that he himself nor anyone nor anyt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friedrich Nietzsche opened a club.

Overnight, it became the hottest new place in town. It seemed like everyone was turned away at the door for not meeting dress code. Eventually, one guy shows up and fights the bouncer after being rejected. When he won, the bouncer stripped naked, handed the guy his clothes, and told him he could hea...

What is a crevice that is owned by someone and not allowed to be stepped into?

None of your abyss-ness

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pearly Gates

Three couples are returning from a night out on the town when their car crashes. They all find themselves facing St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.



St. Peter looks at the first man and says, “Steve, it says here in the book that you’ve been a chronic gambler all your life. Your gambling c...

Have you seen my goat?

Two guys were walking through the woods when they came upon a huge hole. They wondered how deep it was so they stared to drop things down it. They started with a stone, and listened. Nothing. Then a large log. Still nothing. Then they found a huge piece of concrete. The two of them struggled to get ...

The deep hole [PG]

Two guys, Jim and Dwight, were out for a hike. While on their jaunt they came across a pitch black hole the size of a minivan. Amazed Dwight walked carefully to the edge. He looked into the utter darkness and exclaimed "Woah! Hey Jim, how deep do you think this goes??"


Jim saunt...

The Deepest Hole in the World

3 men are in a car driving down a long winding country road late at night. Suddenly the driver notices a huge hole in their path and stops the car immediately. They all get out and stand near the edge in awe. Why is this here? How deep is it? What the hell? They are quite puzzled by their disc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 100 mile per-hour goat

Two rednecks are walking through the woods in West Virginia when they come upon a large hole in the ground. They are examining the hole when one turns to the other and says "Maaaaan... that sure looks like one DEEP hole. How far down do you think it goes?" The other replies "I can't really tell, but...

Two kids were walking in the woods...

They came across a massive hole in the ground only a meter across but they couldn't see the bottom through the blackness. One of them picked up a rock and tossed it in, they leaned in close to listen for it to hit the bottom, to their astonishment they never heard the rock hit anything. So the other...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joel Osteen dies and goes to Heaven.

He looks up at the big pearly gates and immediately recognizes where he is. He waits for a while but no one comes to greet him. Beyond the gates, he hears a band performing a concert between deafening cheers of the crowd and other indications of general merriment. He looks around but cannot find ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into a saloon

Its empty but for the barkeep.

"Where is everyone?" cowboy asked

"They ran. Hiding. The black rider is coming" said the old man

"Why are they afraid of the black rider, whos he" puzzled cowboy asked

"He will kill any men, women and some say even children that he sees on...

Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog

He sat and sighed beside the road -

His engine's gasket blown.

His car was old and cold and towed.

The man was left alone.

-

'I need to find a place to stay

Until it's fixed,' he spoke -

But as he rose to walk away

Arrived a band of folk.
...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.