Paraplegic Jokes - 57 Hilarious Paraplegic Jokes

What do paraplegic people stand for?

Nothing. They can't use their legs.

What do you call a paraplegic pot head:

A baked potato.

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What did John say when he attended the paraplegic women's awareness dance?

"Yo this dance floor is crawling with pussy"

Why can't paraplegics cook Chinese food?

Because they can't "wok."

Note: May be cheesy and offensive, but I coined this joke when humor could be silly and irreverent, and y'all were begging for non-reposts.

what do you call a paraplegic child that just learned tae kwon do

partial arts

I started dating a girl 4 years ago who's a paraplegic but she left me...

She told me I was always pushing her around. It's not my fault she wouldn't stand up for herself.

What do you call a paraplegic who self medicates with drugs and gambling?

A High Roller

As a paraplegic I wish the wheelchair jokes would stop

I can't stand them

A paraplegic walks into a bar...

...and says, "It's a miracle!"

Did you hear about the paraplegic comedian?

He's great but he doesn't do stand-up.

A blind man, paraplegic, and deaf man visit a healer on a mountain.

The blind man goes up the trail using his white cane. Arriving at the top he asks to be healed and so it is. He throws his cane off the mountain and comes back down.

The paraplegic goes up the mountain with great difficult and asks to be healed and so it is. He throws his wheelchair off the m...

A paraplegic is haggling the price of a wheelchair

He says "$300 or I walk"

Did you know that a paraplegic can't be in AA?

There's something about them having a "12 step program".

Why was the paraplegic man shot

He was unarmed

What did the doctor say to the paraplegic when he tried to walk?

“Brace yourself”

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I went to a Paraplegic Strip Club the other day . . .

NSFW

>!The place was crawling with pussy.!<

There's a lot of discrimination against us paraplegic people,

And we won't stand for that!

Two Paraplegics Walk Into A Bar,

Nevermind they rolled

What did the poor, unfortunate, paraplegic kid get for christmas?

Cancer.

An argument in a bar

There are two men in a bar. One of them happens to be a paraplegic in a wheelchair.

An argument begins between the two men and gets heated and one man punches the man in the wheelchair knocking him down. The man who was in the wheelchair looks up at the man who knocked him down and responds...

My paraplegic girlfriend just broke up with me.

She said all I do is push her around and talk about her behind her back.

I went to a bar that had free drinks for paraplegic ladies

The place was crawling with women

The paraplegic shared his life story, yet nobody cried

The story was simply not moving.

What do you call an angry paraplegic?

A steamed vegetable.

What's black and sits at the top of stairs?

A paraplegic after a house fire.

Where do you find a paraplegic

Where you left them

Did you hear the one about the paraplegic boxer?

He really rolls with the punches

Let's stop joking about paraplegics.

Everyone who agrees, please stand up.

What do you call a paraplegic riding on some waterskis?

Skip

Muslim Handicapped Man Devil Stoning At Hajj

A Paraplegic, one eye blind, one arm disabled and deaf muslim man goes to Hajj. During stoning of Devil;
Devil asks: What happened to your legs?
Man answers: It's work of Allah.
D: What happened to your arm?
M: It's work of Allah.
D: What happened to your ear?
M: It's w...

My paraplegic girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheel chair...

Next thing I knew, she came crawling back to me

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I asked a paraplegic how he lost his legs

He told me his wife brought a mirror home from the antique store and hung it from the closet door one day. She said "Honey, watch this. Mirror mirror on the door, grow my breasts two sizes more." Instantly her chest grows two sizes. He said "I couldn't help it, so I said 'mirror mirror on the door, ...

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
...

Why did the cannibal go after paraplegics?

Meals on wheels!

Whats the worst thing a woman could do a paraplegic on their the first date?

Stand him up

What do you get when a soviet paraplegic chases an American double-amputee?

An arms race.

Why didn't the paraplegic look in the mirror?

He couldn't stand to see himself like that.

The paraplegic mythical creature wasn't walking...

He was draggin!

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Paraplegic Party

you goin to the paraplegic party?
I hear its gonna be crawling with pussy

What did the paraplegic track event and the Cold War have in common?

They were both an arms race.

A paraplegic went down a runway...

She made for a great roll-model.

What is the difference between a spaghetti and a paraplegic ?

When you suck the spaghetti, it does move

There’s three paraplegics. One is floating in water, one is on your door step and one is hanging on your wall.

Meet Bob, Matt and Art.

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In high school I got sent to the principal for making fun of the paraplegic kid.

He asked if I would like to explain why I would do such a thing. I replied "It was just some armless teasing."

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So I went to a party with a friend last night... NSFW

The host of the party was this really cute chick named Annie who was flirting with me pretty hardcore. She tells me she would like to go outside but says first I have to get her wheelchair... oh shit she's a paraplegic. I wasn't about to let that stop me so I help her into her chair and we go out ba...

A paraplegic gave a moving presentation on how much he misses using his legs

He received a standing ovation

What do a black guy and a paraplegic have in common?

They're both only three fifths of a person

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An Irish, blind, gay, paraplegic blonde woman is wheeled into a bar..

"Ow!"

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I hate when my wife drags me to a dance class.

She knew I was paraplegic when she married me.

What does the father say to his paraplegic son when he beats him?

"This hurts me more than it hurts you."

A paraplegic got prosthetic legs for a single day before they broke.

He had a one night stand.

Just Kidding

A man gets a call from the hospital telling him his wife has been hurt in an accident. He rushes to the hospital and is met by her doctor.
The doctor says “I’m sorry, she’s in really bad shape”. Husband starts to tear up and asks “how bad is it doctor?” The doctor tells him that she’s a parapleg...

Did you hear about the amazing new prosthetic device for paraplegics?

It's called a Vegetable Stand.

Only good thing to have come out of my accident and becoming paraplegic is realising what my dream job is

Stand up comedian

What did the blind paraplegic child get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Happy new years folks!

A guy in a wheelchair once applied for Stars in their Eyes with his nephew and they both successfully got on the show...

...when asked about his accident by the presenter, he stated "Well me and nephew are both glazers you see, and one day my nephew, who is here with me tonight, was up a ladder holding onto this double glazed window that we were both installing, when it suddenly slipped from his grasp and sliced strai...

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A drunk walks into a pub.

He goes up to the bar and sees a curious looking bottle bubbling away with mist emanating from the top. Slightly flummoxed he asks the landlord, “What’s this about then?”

The landlord replies, “Well, this is a mystic potion, a concoction of my very own in fact. Take a sip and it’ll magically ...

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