What do you call a 50 year old nerd?

Boss.

A 50 year old guy goes to a surgeon to make himself look younger

The surgeon completes the surgery and it is a success.

"How do I look?" the man asks.

"You look 30 years young!" the surgeon replies.

The next day, the man goes to the gas station to fuel up and asks the cashier:

"Excuse me sir, how old do I look?"

The cashier resp...

Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.

All tucked away nicely in my freezer!

A 50 year old billionaire walks in to a pub with his 25 year old girlfriend

His buddy asks him how i managed to get a girl half his age.
The billionaire replied: i lied about my age
His friend asked: you told her you where 40?
No said the billionaire i told her i was 90

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Okay I have never seen this here and I have searched with 0 results but it’s in honor of my 50 year old brother who told it too me and recently passed away, (not related).

A man went to the circus and he sat with his wife a children, the circus began and all went well until the clown arrived, for some reason the clown focused on the man and humiliated him with he greatest of ease. He called him names, laughed at his clothes, joked about his accent, ridiculed where he ...

A 50 year old postman is finally retiring

As he goes down his route one less time everyone showers him with gifts. A watch, a new wallet, money, a farewell card from one of children. All is well, until he comes upon his last house. When he knocks a beautiful woman, scantily clad is at the door. She pulls him in and they make love in her bed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old women posts a dating ad.

" I need a man who wont beat me, wont leave me, and must be good in bed. Will share all my wealth."

A day later, she hears her door bell ring. To her surprise a man with no legs or arms in a wheel chair greets her.

" this is a joke right? Are you here about the ad?" says the women....

A 50 year old business man is sitting with a young man

The business man takes out a photo of his wife and says to the young man beside him

"She's a real beauty isn't she."

The young man abruptly then replies

" Oh yeah if she's a real beauty you haven't seen my girlfriend."

The business man taken by surprise says

"Wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old lady gets botox.

A 50 something year old wakes up one morning and decides she doesn't like the way she looks so she gets botox.

While out grocery shopping she asks the cashier how old he thinks she is.

"oh i dont know.. Late 20s?"

"Brilliant" she says, "im actually 50! "

Later on while c...

Im a 50 year old man with a 20 year olds body!

I still can't figure out where to hide the body

What’s the difference between a double D lobster and a 50 year old bus depot?

...One’s a crusty bus station and the other’s a busty crustacean

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

50 Year old woman is getting ready for bed

When she looks in the mirror and is very happy at what her naked body looks like. She fastens a towel as a cape and goes down stairs where her husband is watching tv and jumps Infront of the tv and yells "Super pussy!" her husband looks for a second and says "I'll have the soup"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old woman decides to give herself a facelift and a boob job...

A 50 year old woman decides to give herself a facelift and a boob job for her birthday. She spends $20,000 and feels pretty good about the results. After her recovery, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, But how old do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar looking to buy a glass of 50 year old scotch

He says to the bartender, "My good man, I have a thirst that can only be quenched by glass of 50 year old scotch. I'm a connoisseur of sorts, so don't try and trick me. I'll be able to tell the difference!"

The bartender, a little annoyed, goes to the top shelf, grabs a bottle of scotch, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old man enters a confession box and kneels

Man: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned."

Priest: "Tell me your sins son. The Lord is generous and knows we all succumb to weakness from time to time."

Man: "I've been carrying on an affair for the last 6 months with a gorgeous 25-year-old blond women. She has a beautiful figure, vo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old woman dies and goes to heaven...

Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter looks surprised and tries to find her name in the 'Death Book'.
He doesn't find her name there and tells her, ' there must have been a mistake. You were not supposed to die, you still have 30 more years ahead of you. Since it was a mistake and it is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year old single woman goes to the doctor...

She tells the Doctor that she's a virgin, and that she's never even been kissed. She's asked all her friends why she's never been approached, none of them have been able to explain it to her. She just turned 50, and she's sure it must be some sort of medical problem.

The doctor says he'll do ...

A fairy once appeared and told a family couple

"For 25 years you were a wonderful family couple. I now shall grant each of you one wish."
The wife went first.
"I want to travel the world with my dearly beloved husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand, and instantly in the wife's hand appeared plane tickets and travel vouchers.
But u...

Married life!

One day, I looked at my wife and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, b...

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?

To catch a predator.

---

Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5?
Because they can't even!

---

Why do white people have so many pets?
Because owning people is not legal anymore

**EDIT** Would love to hear more white people-specific jokes :) Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter...

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for...

A middle-aged woman goes to the doctor

A middle-aged woman goes to the doctor and returns with a smile, and tells her husband, "The doctor said I have the heart of a 24 year old!"

The husband replied with a smirk, "Oh yeah? What did he say about your 50 year old ass?"

She said "Oh, your name never came up."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 96 year old goes for a physical checkup...

A 96 year old man goes for a physical checkup with his family doctor.

Once he is finished, the doctor looks at the old man and tells him, "Well Alfred, as far as anyone is concerned, you're in top physical shape. You are as healthy as a 50 year old."

"That's great to hear, I feel grea...

Husband comes home from his doctors appointment...

Wife: and, what did the doctor said?
Husband: I have a body of a 20 year old!
Wife: and what about that 50 year old big, fat ass?
Husband: oh... We didnt talked about you.

A man goes to his doctor for an annual checkup

"Doc, I feel great, my headaches are gone, my hearing is better and I can finally stand uo straight."

"That's good to hear, here your test results say that your body has miraculously improved. For a 50 year old man like you, you have the physical abilities of a 30 year old."

"Thanks d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."
The husband...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink, some top shelf 50 year old whiskey. The bartender upon request tells the man "of course" and goes to fetch the bottle from the back. But instead he grabs a cheaper 10 year old whiskey to see if he can skimp the gentleman at the bar. As he re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best soccer team in the world

We will put gays as defenders, since they pressure well from the back.

Arabs, Chinese and Caucasians in mid because they bring color to the field.

Jews will be attackers because it's frowned upon to chase them.

And a 50 year old nun as our goalkeeper.
Because she hasn't let...

Why do fish swim in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

Expensive hat!

A 50 year old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. ....
She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away.....

A gentleman approached the lady and said .....
"Ma'am, ....
I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"....

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.