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Open Heart Surgery Jokes

Whats the worst thing to hear during open heart surgery?

Anything

Going into open heart surgery

I asked the doctor how long am I going to be in the hospital??

He said, if all goes well, about a week... if it doesn't, about 30 minutes..

[credit: Rodney Dangerfield]

I had to be rushed in for an emergency open heart surgery today,

My doctor grinned as he handed me a scalpel, "Fixing your heart yourself would give you a sense of pride and accomplishm-..."

Hospital statistics

A recent study has identified the hospital operations with highest rate of mortality.
In the United States it’s open heart surgery.
In Australia it’s liver transplants.
And in Russia it’s opening a window…

the story of jimmy the dumb student

there once was a boy named jimmy who studied in an elementary school in a small town in oklahoma,

this kid was so stupid he didn't understand anything at all, no one liked him, his teacher ms. dorothy always yelled at him: "jimmy you're gonna give me a heart attack!"

one day his mom c...

Once upon a time a small boy named Hameed was living in a tiny primitive Moroccan Village & was a moron and all his classmates hated him for his stupid acts.

His teacher Aisha was always yelling at him.. "you are driving me crazy Hameed".. One day Hameed's mother went to check out how Hameed was doing at school and the teacher Aisha told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks and she had never seen such a dumb boy in her ...

A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary

A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne.



A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, "Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"



"Well," s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American doctor and a Cuban doctor are having drinks...

.. and bragging about how good they are in their fields.

The American doctor says "I can do a kidney transplant in 4 hours."

Cuban doctor says "I got you beat. I can do it in 3."

The American doctor says "I can do open heart surgery in less than 3 hours!"

Cuban doctor say...

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