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Online Dating Jokes

I've joined an online dating agency for arsonists.

They send me new matches every week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Online dating

I thought I could get a nude pic from a girl I met on a dating site recently by starting first. So, I sent a pic of my eyes and she sent back a pic of her smile. I sent a pic of my 6 pack and she sent back a pic of her flat stomach. I sent a pic of my firm ass and she sent back a pic of her 9” penis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Want to know the worst part about online dating as an ugly guy?

Fucking nothing.

Having a PhD. gains you leverage in online dating

Helps with handling rejections well.

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I've started online dating a porn star

I text her to meet up and maybe come back to mine for a little fun.

She said "Yeah sure, I'm working Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so how about Friday?"

I'd prefer Monday...

When trying online dating, you should open with a joke you found on Reddit.

This way, you can ensure that they're not some weirdo who reads Reddit.

The worst part about online dating

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

Online dating sparks a rise in tablet use with young singles.

“I’ve been using tablets for dating since the 80’s” - Bill C

I recently watched a film called Online Dating.

Honestly, it wasn't as good as it looked on the internet.

Online dating during Covid is like:

I'm dying to meet you.

Never using online dating again. Last guy said he lived in a gated community.

Prison.

He meant prison.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

My 18 yo sister said that online dating is tough

In the past 8 years every man she met there ended up in jail

I like to lie a lot on online dating profiles.

But I have to tell you the hardest part about being six foot - five is finding someone who loves me for me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman got married not long after high school and her husband broke her heart when he ran off with another woman. She eventually got back into the dating scene, and fell in love again with another man. They married but he turned out to be an asshole who hit her when he was angry.

She divorced him as well. Over time she met a third man who seemed perfect for her in every way but one- he was terrible in bed. She married him anyway, reasoning that sex would improve the more they knew eachother but it didn’t, and after a year she finally divorced him.

Having now been div...

A woman decides to try online dating

Setting up her new profile she starts looking for the exact opposite of her ex-husband who used to beat her before running away with another woman.
She states her new man must 1) Never hit her 2) Never run away and 3) Be great in bed.

A few days later the doorbell rings. When she answers t...

I tried online dating recently and it is really refreshing. The ladies actually want to get to know you.

Last night my favorite one was asking me really great questions like my first pet's name and the street I grew up on. She even wanted to know about my mom and her maiden name!

Know why online dating doesn't work for snakes?

e-reptile dysfunction.

You can't trust anyone you meet in online dating.

Just last week I went on a date with a girl and stole $300 from her.

The hardest part about online dating...

Finding someone who clicks with you.

I tried to get into online dating, but then I fractured my wrist...

I couldn't pick up lines

Two things I learned from online dating

geography and disappointment

Online dating is like a bakery

You've got the flakes, the fruitcakes, and the tarts.

After 3 failed marriages, an old woman decides to try an online dating site..

She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs s...

I’m starting an online dating site for men who want to meet someone just like their mother.

It’s called Oedipal Arrangements.

What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service?

Im a fungi

Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head.

-- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis.

As an 11 year old girl, I find online dating really frustrating

Whenever I meet up with someone, he gets arrested.

If I had a dollar for every girl that looked different in real life than she did on her online dating photos...

I still wouldn't have enough money for make-up remover for 1 of them

Buying a new car and online dating are sort of the same thing...

You're looking for the youngest model with the least amount of miles on it.

I’ll never join one of those online dating services because I prefer to meet someone the good old-fashioned way...

Through alcohol and poor judgement...

A single guy walks into a bar

A single guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've been trying that online dating thing. Almost every single girl has the same old line in their profile," he tells the bartender. "Oh yeah, what line is that?" the bartender asks. "They all say, 'If I was meant to be controlled I would have come w...

On my online dating profile it clearly says that I’m 6 foot - 4 inches

So why when I turn up are woman always disappointed that I’m 5’8”

I went to the first online dating agency I could find and within 1 hour had met my wife!

It was love at first site

A woman is sick and tired of having bad relationships...

She's had the worst of the worst. Men who would run out on her, beat her, and men who were downright terrible on bed. In an attempt to better future relationships she decided to give online dating a try.

She filled out her profile and specified she was looking for a good hearted man who wo...

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