Online Dating Jokes

They send me new matches every week.

Helps with handling rejections well.

This way, you can ensure that they're not some weirdo who reads Reddit.

is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

“I’ve been using tablets for dating since the 80’s” - Bill C

Honestly, it wasn't as good as it looked on the internet.

I'm dying to meet you.

Prison.

He meant prison.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

In the past 8 years every man she met there ended up in jail

But I have to tell you the hardest part about being six foot - five is finding someone who loves me for me.

Last night my favorite one was asking me really great questions like my first pet's name and the street I grew up on. She even wanted to know about my mom and her maiden name!

e-reptile dysfunction.

Just last week I went on a date with a girl and stole $300 from her.

Finding someone who clicks with you.

I couldn't pick up lines

geography and disappointment

You've got the flakes, the fruitcakes, and the tarts.

She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs s... read more

It’s called Oedipal Arrangements.

Im a fungi

-- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis.

I still wouldn't have enough money for make-up remover for 1 of them

You're looking for the youngest model with the least amount of miles on it.

Through alcohol and poor judgement...

A single guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've been trying that online dating thing. Almost every single girl has the same old line in their profile," he tells the bartender. "Oh yeah, what line is that?" the bartender asks. "They all say, 'If I was meant to be controlled I would have come w... read more

So why when I turn up are woman always disappointed that I’m 5’8”

It was love at first site