More Money Jokes - 37 Hilarious More Money Jokes

Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them. To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one…

…He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.

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More money is spent on boob jobs and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research!

More money is spent on boob jobs and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research! By 2040 the elderly will have perky tits, stiff cocks and no fucking idea why!

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year

than a professional athlete earns in a whole day.

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car...

Why does John the Baptist have more money than Jesus?

Because Jesus saves while John invests!

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Why does a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?

Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

Why do doctors make more money from circumcisions than other types of procedures?

It's the only procedure in which they collect tips!

I developed a successful chicken social network app to make more money.

I didn’t do it for the glory I did it to make hens meet.

Farmers would make a lot more money if they didn't grow avocado.

They should try growing twovocadoes.

I don't see any reason not to print more money.

Tell me one and I'll give you a Trillion Zimbabwe Dollars.

The more money you make,

The less people test your pee.

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At age 30, I have more money than I have had sex.

I have exactly 1 dollar in my pocket.

Apple are making more money than me selling phones and computers.

It's time to make a stand.

I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined

And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint

If you ever have dinner with a urologist, make sure you spend as much or more money on the food as he does.

They always prefer to split the deferens.

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While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

Patriots fans are being charged more money for Super Bowl tickets.

It’s because of inflation.

If I get more money, I'll start eating less ramen.

And if I get less money, I'll also start eating less ramen.

TIL it costs more money to make a penny than how much it's worth

That makes very little cents

I can't stand homeless people

Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.

Some people say that firefighters need more money,

So a poll was taken, and they all fell through the floor.

Two guys are in a bar complaining how they can't pick up any woman

When one points at a man sitting alone at the table. "Look at that ugly mug. We are both better looking, have nicer clothes and more money. Yet every night he take a woman home, sometimes two at the same time." "True that!" agrees his friend, "we try to talk to girls, get them interested in us. He d...

This is a joke we tell in Armenian, I think it comes out well in English too.

Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really n...

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot...

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I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me.

I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it.

Pope gets a lesson

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.
Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by. He stop...

There were two beggars...........

There were two beggars sitting next to each other on the street. One of them had a sign saying "Please Give" next to a large Star of David, while the other had a sign saying "Please Give" next to a large cross.

A man stopped to watch them. He noticed that most people would just pass by the be...

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Three American colonels are in the US about to retire and they are offered an economic compensation...

..which consists of multiplying 100,000 dollars by the distance in inches they have between two parts of their body that they choose.

Colonel McDowell chooses this distance to be from his toe to the edge of his longest hair on his head and the result is 72 inches, so that means he gets $7,20...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of...

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A Man walks into a Bar...

He heads straight for the Bartender and asks

Man: "If I show you a good trick, will you give me a free drink"

Now the bartender has had a good night so far and made a good profit, so he agrees.

The Man reaches into one of the pockets on his jacket and pulls out a tiny piano, r...

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There were a couple of strange items at the estate sale of a eccentric collector. One was a couple of Dolly Parton's used bras, the other King Edwards used Enema...

The appraiser was surprised that they sold at all, especially the used enema, as it still had fecal matter on it. What surprised him most is that the enema actually sold for more money than the bras. The auctioneer wasn't surprised at all because he plays poker and knows that a royal flush always ...

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First visit to a brothel (NSFW)

After several years of loneliness a man visits a brothel. He speaks with the madame at the front desk and he says, "It's been years since I've had sex, and I've never been to a place like this before. What can I get for twenty bucks?"

"Hmmm..." says the mistress, "twenty won't get you much i...

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I really hate it when beggars shake their coin jar at me

I know you have more money than me, you don’t have to be a dick about it!

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A man goes to the doctor because his penis has turned orange.

After a thorough physical examination:

Doctor: "We can't find anything physically wrong with you that would turn your penis orange. I'll be honest, I've never seen anything like this, perhaps it's a psychological issue. Have you been under a lot of stress lately, maybe at your job?"

Ma...

One day a farmer discovers he has a talking horse

So, after talking to it for awhile, the horse decides that it wants to learn how to play guitar. So the farmer does the only logical thing, and buys the horse a guitar. Somehow, the horse learns how to play the guitar, and tours the country on talk shows, concerts, and even meeting the president. Th...

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A guy walks up to a soda machine, but a blonde is already there.

He waits as she puts in her quarters, presses the button and collects the drink. Instead of leaving, she puts more money, hits the button, and collects another drink.

This goes on for a couple of minutes, and finally the guy taps her on the shoulder and says “excuse me, what are you doing?”<...

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