Why did the chicken listen to The Doors?

To break on through to the other side.

My wife’s dog got to where it wouldn’t listen to her.

So she took it to the vet. The vet said no wonder it won’t listen I’ve never seen that much hair in a dogs ears. He clipped some out and said goto the pharmacy and buy a bottle of nair hair remover.

Put a little on a qtip and rub back in there and that’ll take care of the problem.

So...

What kind of music do fish listen to?

Something catchy.

When you listen to rock backwards you hear satanic messages, what do you get when you listen to country music backwards?

Your wife back, your life back, and your dog back.

Why didn't the pokemon listen to classical music?

Because he was lycanroc.

/r/wallstreetbets doesn't do due dilligence, they listen to...

...ape-pinions.

One day, a blonde woman was driving her car through the countryside when she decided to listen to the radio.

The only available station was a comedy station that kept telling blonde joke after blonde joke, which made the blonde very annoyed.

She turned off the radio and decided to look at the scenery to calm herself down, but then she saw something even more infuriating. Another blonde woman was sit...

What type of music can the Royal Family not listen to?

Royalty Free Music

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't listen to your balls

Don't listen to your balls.

They're nuts!

What does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?

Hip hop.

My wife constantly complains that I don't listen to her

Or at least, I assume she does.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You kids have it easy with your convenient music streaming services and your smartphones. When we were teenagers, if we wanted to listen to an album by our favourite Australian alt rockers, we had to download it from Napster and put it on a CD ourselves.

We were burning the Midnight Oil.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony,...

My neighbors listen to Smash Mouth's All Star a lot.

Whether they like it or not.

Seeing how it’s saint Patrick’s day there is only one band you should listen to

Green Day

What music genre do rap-loving Republican listen to?

Hip-hocrisy

What don’t we listen to cows?

Because their point is always moot

What does a fur trader listen to on Spotify?

Trap music.

Why don’t you want to listen to a dragon’s story?

Because they tend to drag-on

Who does Santa listen to when he's out riding in his sleigh?

Elfis Presently

What type of music can’t ginger people listen to?

Soul

My new neighbours listen to Metallica really loud all hours of the night!

I mean, they may not want to, but they do.

Where do whales go to listen to music?

The orca-stra

My buddy who is obsessed with himself bought a speaker just to listen to his own memoirs.

It really speaks volumes about him as a person.

Nobody wants to listen to White Snake with me

So here I go again on my own.

I always listen to Neil Diamond during the holidays.

He’s got sweet carol lines.

I refuse to listen to music on new types of music players.

I guess I just have an 8-track mind.

A while ago, my friend told me to not listen to music too loud.

Haven’t heard from that guy since.

I can't listen to brazilian jazz.

Maybe a hundred jazz, or a thousand, but brazilian jazz? That's just way too much jazz.

My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her.

At least it was something like that.

I listen to the teachers keenly during my online classes

I take notes and ask questions too.

A student is talking to his English teacher about the music he listens to

A student is talking to his English teacher about the music he listens to.

He says "I really like older music like 70s and 80s rock."

The teacher says "You should listen to things that were released after you were born. The 70s were over 40 years ago!"

The student goes back to ...

Why should you never listen to coins?

It never makes any cents

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed.

The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandad.” The father says, “Goodbye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to questio...

I let a tree listen to Rasputin

Its now a dimitree

Listen to the ground....

A cowboy is riding across the plains when he comes across a Pawnee indian lying down with his ear placed against the ground & mumbling something.

Knowing what great trackers the Pawnee are the cowboy gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground, but he can't figure out anything just ...

My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her…

Or something like that. I dunno I wasnt really listening.

Why does the man at the yogurt stand only listen to world music?

Because he’s a man of cultures.

No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.

They give sound advice.

What kind of music do worms listen to?

Eh, you've probably never heard of it - it's super underground stuff.

I listen to the USSR Anthem while doing my homework

Now its our homework.

Any help?

Why do Afghans have to listen to the radio?

Because of the tele-ban

To all the people who listen to my Indian accent and automatically assume I’m in IT, let me tell you something.

That’s just a coincidence.

I hate these people that knock on your door and tell you they are going to save you and that if you don't listen to their word you will burn and die...

... Damn Firefighters

The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.

They've left those kids a loan.

EDIT: Woke up to find THIS :O

Which genre of music do fishermen listen to most while out on their boat?

Pond-tunes, of course.

Why do pirates listen to opera music?

Because they love the high Cs.

Why is it dangerous to listen to too much Queen?

Because of its high Mercury content.

What do you listen to on a hike?

A trail mix!

Why can’t you have more than 99 people listen to toto’s Africa at once?

Its something that 100 men or more could never do

What type of music do avocados listen to?

Guac & Roll

Wives always complain that their husbands don't listen to them.

My wife has never complained about this. Or maybe she has. I don't know.

I made my fish listen to an Eminem album...

...now he's Swim Shady.

Me: Ah, listen to those birds tweeting - it's so lovely to share our home with all of nature

Also me: Die you bloody ants, die - how dare you try to invade our private living space!

I don't always listen to Metallica

But when I do, nothing else matters.

I listen to a band named Magma

It's pretty underground

I asked a Chernobyl survivor if he wanted to listen to a fun story,

He said he was all ears.

My parents never let me listen to classical or jazz music growing up.

Too much sax and violins.

Went to a Black Church to listen to gospel. The preacher came over and said "YOU WILL WALK TODAY!!"

I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but he said it again with even more enthusiasm.

After the service I went to leave. My car was gone.

What type of music do pirates listen to?

Any type they want since they don't have to pay for it

Two wind turbines sit in the ocean, one turns to the other and says “what music do you listen to? I like pop myself”.

The other turbine says “I’m a massive heavy metal fan”.

My girlfriend hates it when I tap the brakes to make the car bounce when I listen to hiphop.

But when I think about it, she never did like brakedancing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1944. The Americans are advancing fast. Adolf Hitler is furious and starts to listen to defensive tactics proposed by his commanders...

The first commander suggests they pull out the tanks from the Eastern front and deploy them in the Western front, so that the defenses there would be hard to go past.

"Are you crazy? That's a horrible idea!" Hitler exclaimed.

The second commander steps in and suggests a horrible idea f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you you call grammar nazis who listen to Radiohead?

The Comma Police

I always listen to mumble rap when I’m studying.

It’s a constant reminder on why it is important to get educated.

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